Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Growing up as my pop’s tool runner, I became ambidextrous with the dual measurement system; the left hand was metric and the right hand American. Volkswagen flat fours and Chevy Corvair flat sixes (That’s Corvair mind you, not Corvette) were in perpetual need of tinkering or complete overhaul.
My father was like a doctor waiting for the nurse to slap the correct sized wrench in hand at a moment’s notice. It was easy enough to spot the 17mm socket in the tool box by our side, but when asked to fetch the torque wrench or timing kit meant I had to run back and enter the manliest of all manly drawers; the garage!!

Our garage was a hoarder’s delight, a labyrinth that evolved from the lingering effects of the Depression…

“Where’s the timing kit?”
“It’s under the table saw between the box of vacuum tubes and the stack of National Geographics…and don’t break any of those tubes, they came out of our old Zenith.”
“Hey Pop’s why do you have a can full of bent nails down here?”
“I plan to straighten them out some day and re use them.”

In time I ended up driving one of those flat fours in the form of a 1966 VW Beatle powered by a 1300cc engine. It chirped like a charm.

What's a ratchet?

[prendrelemick]

Mark asks a good question. Is it the pawl or the gear?



My Dad always had something that needed mending, a muckspreader or forage harvester or something, but he was happiest working in wood and used to leave mechanics to me and my brother. To be honest my brother was the brains of the outfit, he was a natural tinkerer. I used to hand the spanners to him, even though he was 3 years younger than me.

[Sancho]

‘Cepting Mick and Gill, perhaps I should explain the earlier sexual innuendo I used concerning the 4-stroke internal-combustion engine.

Suck Squeeze Bang and Blow

- was the mantra used to teach hundreds of thousands of hyper-hormonal teenaged boys the rudiments of an automobile engine. It’s how I learned it. It’s how everybody learned it. There was a guy in my neighborhood who worked on cars. He was an easy-going chap, and didn’t mind us kids hanging around. We were all drawn to his garage, like a crack whore to a slow-rolling Cadillac.

First, some definitions:

Cylinder: The vault in which the piston rides: up and down, in and out
Piston: See cylinder
Rod: Connects the piston to the Crankshaft
Crankshaft: A spinner. Goes round and round, and delivers thrust
Valves: Open and close orifices on the cylinder head to let gases in and out
Sparkplug: C’mon, baby, light my fire

The 4 Strokes of an Internal Combustion Engine:

Intake: Valve opens, Piston slides down the cylinder, SUCKING in a fuel/air mixture
Compression: Valves close, Piston rides up, SQUEEZING the mixture into volatility
Power: Sparkplug fires igniting the mix, and driving the piston down with a climactic BANG
Exhaust: Valve opens, piston rides up, BLOWING out the spent mixture

Next week, class, we’ll discuss the dual-overhead camshaft, and the importance of top-end cylinder head lubrication.

I need a cigarette.

[MarkBastable]

Lemon meringue pie is not as easy as it looks, you know.

[Sancho]

Also a good bouillabaisse is hard to come by. And would you please be quite out there in the garage! You’re going to make my soufflé fall.

Can somebody explain to me why the French need so many freaking vowels to represent just one sound?

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Mark asks a good question. Is it the pawl or the gear?

My Dad...but he was happiest working in wood...

Likewise with mine. What types of wood projects did your father favor?
Wood makes a fine blokey subject.
At some point I'll share a couple examples of my handiwork, but for the time being it would seem Mark and Sancho are transitioning into French cuisine.


Let's see how they are doing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7mtEoMFJ60

.

[MarkBastable]

My dad can fix, make, DIY anything - and he does it all conscientiously and to a professional standard. He reconstructs hand tools. He works with wood. He restores furniture and brings new life to antique clocks.

He was round our house the other day, putting in some electric points, and I was sitting there with a cup of tea watching him - if only for five minutes before it became uncomfortable for both of us.

And I said, "Given that we moved house about every three years as the family grew, and given that you spent my entire childhood plumbing, or laying floorboards, or rewiring, or knocking walls down, or taking the engine of your BSA to bits, or building fireplaces, or filling them in - given that my memory of you from when I was small is always a man covered in brick dust or wood shavings or Swarfega - how come I've managed to grow up with absolutely no skill in this kind of domestic DIY, and less interest?"

And he said, "I dunno."

"I do. It's because whenever I stuck my head round the door to see what you were up to, you looked up just long enough to say, 'Bugger off - I'm working.' And that's why you're going to be round here next weekend putting a radiator in the downstairs bathroom. It's your own fault, really. Ginger nut?"

[Sancho]

Sounds like it worked out for the both of you.

I don’t want to go all touchy-feely psycho-babble here, but absentee fathers were the impetus behind a lot of great men. Bernardo O’Higgins comes to mind.

Ack! More psycho-babble. Out of curiosity, Mark, how was your relationship with your grandpa? In my family, personality and general disposition seems to skip a generation.

[MarkBastable]

Sancho wrote: I don’t want to go all touchy-feely psycho-babble here, but absentee fathers were the impetus behind a lot of great men. Bernardo O’Higgins comes to mind.

Ack! More psycho-babble. Out of curiosity, Mark, how was your relationship with your grandpa? In my family, personality and general disposition seems to skip a generation.

----------------------------------------------------------

Wait, wait. My dad wasn't absent. He was there constantly -well, as constantly as a cop on shiftwork can be. He's a moral and noble bloke who with my mother's help has overcome an inauspicious start to make a successful and happy life for himself and his family. He and I are completely different personality types with utterly different talents. But we get on great, thanks.

My paternal grandfather, on the other hand, was a callous, vindictive, bitter, damaged bastard who did his malicious best to ruin my father's life, and whose lingering and painful death was much too short and painless for my liking.

[Sancho]

Ouch!

I have very pleasant memories of both of my Grandfathers, even though I didn’t get much time with either of them. The two men couldn’t have been more different. One grew roots, one roamed. One was a farmer/school teacher, one was a sea captain. I think they both led more interesting lives than I have so far. The sea captain told me he signed onto a ship in San Diego when he was fourteen-years-old and stayed on that ship for ten years. I don’t think he actually stayed on board for ten straight years; I’m pretty sure he ran the ‘ville with the rest of the sailors when they were in port. He had a colorful way saying things – “Hey, you kids smell like a buncha Bombay hookers. Why don’t yous go and shower off?”

I read a book awhile back on the recommendation of a Litnetter that may be applicable here: All Families are Psychotic, by Douglas Coupland.

[MarkBastable]

I read a book awhile back on the recommendation of a Litnetter that may be applicable here: All Families are Psychotic, by Douglas Coupland.

Applicable to whom?

Also, I wouldn't take too seriously any proposition put forward by Douglas Coupland.

[Sancho]

Well, me, I guess.

It wasn't a serious book, but it was fun.

[prendrelemick]

That's the good thing about psycho-babble, you can choose your own and apply it however you want.

Likewise with mine. What types of wood projects did your father favor?
Wood makes a fine blokey subject.
At some point I'll share a couple examples of my handiwork, but for the time being it would seem Mark and Sancho are transitioning into French cuisine.


Let's see how they are doing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7mtEoMFJ60

.

He was more Carpenter than Cabinet maker, though he could turn his hand to anything. He sounds very similar to Mark's dad. His most famous project was a cattle barn he built out of railway sleepers for about £12.10s.4d.

[Sancho]

He was more Carpenter than Cabinet maker, though he could turn his hand to anything. He sounds very similar to Mark's dad. His most famous project was a cattle barn he built out of railway sleepers for about £12.10s.4d.

That is graduate-level work. Bravo!

[Paulclem]

My Dad was a first class bodger. I remember he put his foot through the ceiling once, and managed to "fill" it with quite a lot of polystyrene tile and a bit of polyfilla.

I'm a third class bodger, but aspiring. My most impressive construction has been a set of cupboards in our living room which cover the fuse boxes and meters. I built it onto the wall, which was less than level, which had an unfortunate effect upon the hang of my doors. I managed to square it up with strips of that thin wooden edging stuff from B&Q.