Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[MarkBastable]

The sine qua non of The Drawer


A large square battery of undetermined vivacity.

An almost-finished roll of gaffer tape (duct tape) that's so old that it's stuck to itself.

A pack of Rizlas with only two papers in it, and the cover torn off.

A novelty keyring that you can't remember ever using, but to which, for some forgotten reason, you're sentimentally attached.

A small plastic 1990 World Cup mascot figure.

One of those pencil erasers that's green and sort of gritty, and which has toothmarks on it.

A bank paying-in book.

A cardboard beermat.

Four of a set of five poker dice.

[prendrelemick]

Peered into mine, and saw;-

Batteries
keys
String (tangled)
Leads (tangled with string)
12 bore cartridges
Coins
Multi head screwdriver with magnetic probe
Metalic ephemera stuck to magnet
incomplete set of tiny screwdrivers
Instruction manuals going back to the 1990's.
Red rubber bands (from the postman)(also tangled with string)
packet of cable clips

Then I shut the draw.

[smerdyakov]

Peered into mine, and saw;-

Batteries
keys
String (tangled)
Leads (tangled with string)
12 bore cartridges
Coins
Multi head screwdriver with magnetic probe
Metalic ephemera stuck to magnet
incomplete set of tiny screwdrivers
Instruction manuals going back to the 1990's.
Red rubber bands (from the postman)(also tangled with string)
packet of cable clips

Then I shut the draw.

thought u were a man of letters prendlemick?

[kiki1982]

Kiki: Having keys to your present lock in there is fairly impressive. There are about 20 keys in ours and I don't know what they are for.

Oh, we do have other keys, most of which we can identify and an old lock (two actually, one from the 1920s with three keys), but those are in the utility drawer/cupboard so we know where they are when we need them. I'm still looking for a use for that 1920s lock... It used to be delivered with the house we bought from an old lady... Her father bought it back then 'in case the other one ever breaks'. Needless to say, the good lock was still there when we changed the door...

Don't let the door slam on your way out, but please leave the cards behind.

I will do .

A novelty keyring that you can't remember ever using, but to which, for some forgotten reason, you're sentimentally attached.

Yup, we have that one... It'll get used one day when there is a need for an extra keyring...

[Paulclem]

today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".

She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness".

I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

"Drawer blindness" or perhaps the "forest for the trees" concept or in our case we could say "couldn't see the catnip for the batteries"

It appears that batteries are certainly common among all "drawers". We've seen some form of tape, gun cartridges, screwdrivers and dice in more than one drawer.

Paul, the ladies have more experience at blind rummaging and location since their drawers go with them, hung over the shoulder.

[prendrelemick]

today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".

She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness".

I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.

Your Mrs P may have a point, only don't bring her down to the club I'm not sure we chaps could cope with such painfull truths being so forthrightly expressed.

Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.

[Paulclem]

Your Mrs P may have a point, only don't bring her down to the club I'm not sure we chaps could cope with such painfull truths being so forthrightly expressed.

Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.

Yes she is forthright - you may remember her referring to my steady cheerfulness as due to me being a simpleton, and encouraging me to keep a beard as I am otherwise chinless. She is generally scornful of my activities, and won't be logging in I think.

I'm satisfied by your explanation for drawer blindness. Further delving into the drawer of explanations may well bring forth those painful truths.

[Paulclem]

"Drawer blindness" or perhaps the "forest for the trees" concept or in our case we could say "couldn't see the catnip for the batteries"

It appears that batteries are certainly common among all "drawers". We've seen some form of tape, gun cartridges, screwdrivers and dice in more than one drawer.

Paul, the ladies have more experience at blind rummaging and location since their drawers go with them, hung over the shoulder.

Yes - coached at a young age to understand the related handbag physics, that must give them the edge.

[MarkBastable]

today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".

She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness".

I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.

A corollary of this is the exclusively female strategy 'post-eventum contextual location adjustment'.

"Mark, while you're in there can you get me the paper scissors?"

"Sure - where are they?"

"They're on the first shelf of the Welsh dresser."

".....er...can't see them there."

"They're there."

"Nope."

"They are."

"Well, hang on - is the first shelf the bottom one or the top one?"

"What? Obviously it's the top one..."

"What's obvious about it?"

"Stop being such a dick, and bring me the scissors."

"They're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Try moving something and looking properly."

"I'm telling you, they're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Oh for...."

Enter wife, who scans shelves of Welsh dresser, tuts, turns and opens the drawer next to the sink.

"Here they are - where they always are."

"That's not the first shelf of...."

"Really, for a supposedly intelligent person, you can be so stupid sometimes."

"But..."

"How long have we lived here?"

"You said..."

"I mean, obviously the first place any sensible person would look is where they're supposed to be."

"Actually, in this house, the last place you'd look for anything is where it's supposed to be..."

"Now you're just arguing for the sake of it, you dick. This tea's cold."

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

....Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.

That is great!!
(five green laughing smilies pounding fists)

[prendrelemick]

A corollary of this is the exclusively female strategy 'post-eventum contextual location adjustment'.

"Mark, while you're in there can you get me the paper scissors?"

"Sure - where are they?"

"They're on the first shelf of the Welsh dresser."

".....er...can't see them there."

"They're there."

"Nope."

"They are."

"Well, hang on - is the first shelf the bottom one or the top one?"

"What? Obviously it's the top one..."

"What's obvious about it?"

"Stop being such a dick, and bring me the scissors."

"They're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Try moving something and looking properly."

"I'm telling you, they're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Oh for...."

Enter wife, who scans shelves of Welsh dresser, tuts, turns and opens the drawer next to the sink.

"Here they are - where they always are."

"That's not the first shelf of...."

"Really, for a supposedly intelligent person, you can be so stupid sometimes."

"But..."

"How long have we lived here?"

"You said..."

"I mean, obviously the first place any sensible person would look is where they're supposed to be."

"Actually, in this house, the last place you'd look for anything is where it's supposed to be..."

"Now you're just arguing for the sake of it, you dick. This tea's cold."

Mark, Paul. Being called a dick or a simpleton or even "supposedly intelligent" is nothing compared with my Mrs P's infinitely eloquent sigh and under her breath "honestly" as she produces the scissors from the void.

[Paulclem]

Mark, Paul. Being called a dick or a simpleton or even "supposedly intelligent" is nothing compared with my Mrs P's infinitely eloquent sigh and under her breath "honestly" as she produces the scissors from the void.

I know the look, and Mark's conversation is .... recogniseable. Is it me, or is the finding of things one of the most stressful everyday occurences?

Whilst we're on a domestic tack, another thing that has begun to assail my senses are those fragrance machines that have begun to appear in plug sockets around the house. Do you have these? They squirt me every time I go past, and I have developed the paranoid notion that Mrs Paulclem has programmed them to respond to my footfall, or odour...

Some of them are ok, but the really annoying one is in the living room next to the TV, which always seems to send out its lemon fragrances when I've sat down with a cuppa or my dinner in front of the TV. (In my favourite part of the settee - nearest the telly so I can see who has the ball when the football is on).

[Paulclem]

I'd also like to report that the taties are all now in - I got an extra batch of second earlies, so i now have 12 rows. I was also given some shallots and onion sets, which have also been planted. I harvested some purple sprouting broccoli today, and I have leeks in their beds ready. All three sheds are still standing, and I've dug over most of the new allotment, but the grass and weeds are now abundently growing where I have previously dug. I hope to get more stuff in next week.

[prendrelemick]

Wow! Paul, it's shed of the year time. (BBC Breakfast)

Get your entry in and clear a space on your mantlepiece.