Is marriage a defunct institution?

[Nostalgia375]

We have a saying here 'joray aasmaanon pe bante hain' which can be translated as 'marriages are made in heaven' but I read this book where it said (it's not a personal favorite of mine, actually far from that, but this quote regarding marriages did quite catch my fancy):

Despite of that, I don't think marriages are going to die anytime soon. I believe so because of religious and cultural reasons as well as the human need for bonding and attraction towards permanence of things. The need of belonging. And I also don't agree they were more blissful in the earlier times. Just because people were 'made' to tolerate each other better or divorce was not as acceptable as it is today does not actually make the marriages more blissful. Quite on the contrary, in my humble opinion.

Pensive, I am in agreement with you regarding the impact of religion and culture on the future of marriage. However, I am sceptical about the statement, "Human need for bonding and attraction towards the permanence of things".

[Arrowni]

I suscribe to the idea that marriage is a negociation or a mark of civic alliance, only to evade the upcoming economic definition. Think Vico Giammbatista, we suscribe marriage to a religious notion because it was one of the institutions that allowed to build most civilizations.

If families are part of human evolution, the current lack of stability in nuclear families kind of points out to a certain change in the status quo of mariages. Mostly because the society has built isolated men and women, which has defined our very notion of community and society. So in short, mariage ARE having a crisis, but that doesn't mean they were an intitution built upon bliss and love.

[stephofthenight]

marrige=waste of time, loss of independence and absolute misery. Enough said.

[Arrowni]

I can see some advantages in losing independance and wasting your time, so you must be suggesting that marriage is good as long as you're miserable to begin with and that you intend to keep being miserable.

Funny thing, in those conditions marriage would hold up!

[Maximilianus]

Many people show their real nature some time after signing the papers, like their incapacity towards commitment for example. Such incapacity was always there, hidden behind a finely deployed web of lies and alike deceits, and marriage acts as a mere detonator of truths, maybe because of the stressful ritual of dwelling under the same ceiling. But probably there's still some truth in some relations, regardless of the presence or absence of legal documents.

[Paulclem]

Many people show their real nature some time after signing the papers, like their incapacity towards commitment for example. Such incapacity was always there, hidden behind a finely deployed web of lies and alike deceits, and marriage acts as a mere detonator of truths, maybe because of the stressful ritual of dwelling under the same ceiling. But probably there's still some truth in some relations, regardless of the presence or absence of legal documents.

Lots of assumptions in there Max. You may well know some people like this, but it would be hard for you to say that you know that many people think this.

I think there's quite a lot of reasons why people get married - money, stability, unrealistic expectations, the idea that things won't really change, friendship and love. It is difficult to really appreciate that marriage can be a lifelong patnership - especially for young people, and maybe that's also a problem.

It also depends upon who you ask. If you are unattached, you wouldn't consider asking your partner to marry you, as they are unsuitable or not of that mind - then you're not going to think much of marriage. If you are unhappily married, or had a difficult divorce, then you are going to have a downer on the whole thing. If you are in love and want to get married to someone, then you'll think it's the best thing since whatever. If you are currently married, the it could go either way. (I'm happily married by the way).

The statistics, as someone has pointed out, still show many couples getting married, and, despite the divorce rate, many stay so, or even re-marry. There's only one certainty - your attitude is very likely going to change, just as mine and the many former unmarried ones did. Oh yes it is...

[Maximilianus]

Lots of assumptions in there Max. You may well know some people like this, but it would be hard for you to say that you know that many people think this.

Yes, I was thinking about specific cases I've known of, some of them among my relatives.

I think there's quite a lot of reasons why people get married - money, stability, unrealistic expectations, the idea that things won't really change, friendship and love. It is difficult to really appreciate that marriage can be a lifelong partnership - especially for young people, and maybe that's also a problem.

It also depends upon who you ask. If you are unattached, you wouldn't consider asking your partner to marry you, as they are unsuitable or not of that mind - then you're not going to think much of marriage. If you are unhappily married, or had a difficult divorce, then you are going to have a downer on the whole thing. If you are in love and want to get married to someone, then you'll think it's the best thing since whatever. If you are currently married, the it could go either way. (I'm happily married by the way).

The statistics, as someone has pointed out, still show many couples getting married, and, despite the divorce rate, many stay so, or even re-marry.

Makes sense.

There's only one certainty - your attitude is very likely going to change, just as mine and the many former unmarried ones did. Oh yes it is...

I hope it happens sometime before the end

[BienvenuJDC]

If you are unhappily married, or had a difficult divorce, then you are going to have a downer on the whole thing.

I am going through a divorce, but I don't blame "marriage" for that. I put that blame on "her" inability to stay in a committed relationship. I will be ready to do it all over again, once I have found someone that I find suitable. Of course, I will be more cautious this time.

[Paulclem]

Yes, I was thinking about specific cases I've known of, some of them among my relatives.


Makes sense.


I hope it happens sometime before the end

A lot of the couples we've known have also split, which is sad at the time, but they then go on to make a new life for themselves under their own terms.

I hope it happens sometime before the end

Surely mate.

I am going through a divorce, but I don't blame "marriage" for that. I put that blame on "her" inability to stay in a committed relationship. I will be ready to do it all over again, once I have found someone that I find suitable. Of course, I will be more cautious this time.

I understand - I was generalising. Good luck with that.

[BienvenuJDC]

I understand - I was generalising. Good luck with that.

Yes, I understand what you were meaning. Your generalizations are practical. It's funny how society will often blame an institution (or concept) for failure, when the failure actually occurs due to the improper implementation.

[KCurtis]

marrige=waste of time, loss of independence and absolute misery. Enough said.

Maybe for you. It hasn't been a waste of time for me, no loss of independence and no misery here, after 28 years.
Some people should and want to be single, and I respect that, not everyone thinks alike.

[Maximilianus]

I am going through a divorce, but I don't blame "marriage" for that. I put that blame on "her" inability to stay in a committed relationship. I will be ready to do it all over again, once I have found someone that I find suitable. Of course, I will be more cautious this time.

Quite often what we feel numbs our wits, I think, rendering us unable to see incompatibilities that perhaps would be evident were we free from the sentiment. Better luck next time!

A lot of the couples we've known have also split, which is sad at the time, but they then go on to make a new life for themselves under their own terms.

I hope it happens sometime before the end

Surely mate.

Thanks for the encouraging feedback, Paul

[BienvenuJDC]

Quite often what we feel numbs our wits, I think, rendering us unable to see incompatibilities that perhaps would be evident were we free from the sentiment. Better luck next time!

Thank you! In all actuality, I believe that I have met her already. But this time, I'm going to employ a "courting" method of getting to know her, and spend the next year (as well as I have spent this past year) to develop the friendship. If it takes two years, then so be it...or even more.

[LadyLuck]

I am going through a divorce, but I don't blame "marriage" for that. I put that blame on "her" inability to stay in a committed relationship. I will be ready to do it all over again, once I have found someone that I find suitable. Of course, I will be more cautious this time.

Sorry to hear this Bien, but I can sympathize as I'm going through one too . I myself don't blame the institution of marriage for the failure of mine either. Actually, I don't really blame anyone. Sometimes, I think, love really just isn't enough. Similar morals, parenting styles, financial expectations, goals etc all go a long way to a harmonious marriage. If and when I find the right person, I'll likely jump right back it... Like you, much more cautiously.

[BienvenuJDC]

Sorry to hear this Bien, but I can sympathize as I'm going through one too . I myself don't blame the institution of marriage for the failure of mine either. Actually, I don't really blame anyone. Sometimes, I think, love really just isn't enough. Similar morals, parenting styles, financial expectations, goals etc all go a long way to a harmonious marriage. If and when I find the right person, I'll likely jump right back it... Like you, much more cautiously.

One key word that shouldn't be missed in all that is..."expectation"