It's a nicely observed piece, Prince, but isn't it interesting how by including the words, "black" and "servitude" it immediately raises social and racial concerns. If the woman had been white the reader would simply have interpreted servitude as ordinary work. All those lucky enough to have jobs serve their masters in order to earn a living, as wage... no, I'm not going say it, I'm not going to use the S word!
This reader didn't know this thread existed. It's all the Prince you could ever want!
J
Yes, nicely observed and good to read as always, and I agree with Hawk's comments about racial connotations.
In the first, I was a little unsure of the line 'to board it'; the poem would lose something without it, but I wonder if that can be expressed a little less prosaically?
Forgive me if unlike you I do use the "S" word. I assume you're referring to the contemporary phrase "wage slavery," to express a criticism of the capitalist system. In fact, however, I want to apologize for this poem because of what I now see more clearly as a glib analogy I made between the outright slavery and the bonded variant suffered by that woman's ancestors, and the "wage slavery" that she and other middle-class people - black and white - are subject to. If she was indeed the descendants of slaves, then she might well regard her current situation as infinitely superior.Originally Posted by Hawkman
I well remember an exchange I had with a black man in Toronto. He and I were walking toward each other. We'd have collided if one of us did not deviate, and I veered to one side and said, "Excuse me," to which he responded in a heartfelt way, "Sorry. Sorry," as if he'd committed a dangerous gaffe by obliging a white man to step aside for him!
To me and maybe only to me the lines were perfect and all that followed was over analysis but I guess thats a part of what we post for. One of your fans. J #2
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
I once ran into a trio of black US servicemen who were a bit lost and they asked me for directions, I have to say they were the most friendly, courteous and polite people I ever remember meeting. Of course, they were only armed with a fifth of scotch at the time.
Thanks Haunted & Cafolini
I watch my neighbour’s son
on his way to school
without his older brother.
His shoulders hunch
toward each other
as if to keep his loneliness close.
That's interestingly phrased, Prince - 'keeping his loneliness close'. One would assume the child would want to be rid of his loneliness, but in the circumstances, maybe this is all he feels he has. Thought-provoking as usual.
Another woderfully observed piece, Prince. Flawless in expression.
Thanks, Hawkman andI kind of imagined that loneliness for his older brother was vicariously holding on to him.
Another wonderful piece. I find that loneliness is a strange thing. You can want to be rid of it, but when it is gone you just might miss it. It can be comforting, especially a shared loneliness, (I'm thinking of your intended meaning, Prince, of his brothers loneliness holding onto him), and I think this piece speaks of that paradox.
'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway
A sort of shrivelled radish
of a woman
notices me
noticing her
as she walks by.
shrivelled radish
of a woman
Prince kudos for delivering another unique and unforgettable image, even in a fleeting moment.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Johnnie comes into the Mission
as soon as it opens,
his body curved around the smile
in his smashed-up Inuit face,
which wants to be loved
but is ready to hit back
when he feels himself to be insulted.
Good one, but the last line isn't necessary. Stronger to end with "hit back." But then, can a face hit? Perhaps "bite back" might work better? Very good visuals here.
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