Form Poem Contest

[jajdude]

I started counting all the syllables
And thus forgot to write something good.
When form overtakes the message
The end result may be weak.
Anyway, I wrote this.
Does it qualify?
Does it matter?
I guess not.
Here is
Mine.

[moonbird]

Dark Muse: Original idea and had a nice flow to it.

krymsonkyng: A unique take on a well-known aspect of Alice in Wonderland.

Pendragon: Very interesting interpretation of the Big Bang.

RaoulDuke: Dark, I like it. I also liked how the poem had an attractive shape to it.

jajude: A very humorous and ironic way of poking some fun at such a restrictive form. Nicely done.

And your winner is...

Pendragon! Being a huge astrophysics buff I couldn't help liking your poem. My favorite line was: "The Flame of Creation set alight." Congrats.

[Pendragon]

Thanks, Moonbird! I think I will assign a Pantoum as the next form. Instructions for writing one are here: http://volecentral.co.uk/vf/pantoum.htm

Good luck, contest ends November 15th.

[YesNo]

Autumn Walking

The wind blows rain into my face.
October days are turning cold.
I walk regretting my slow pace.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old.

October days are turning cold.
There's no one waiting up tonight.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old
And darkness follows every light.

There's no one waiting up tonight
Although today I'm not alone
And darkness follows every light.
I have no need for what I own.

Although today I'm not alone:
There was that angel sprinkling grace.
I have no need for what I own.
I only want to see her face.

[Pendragon]

Yo! Where all the poets at? Must we have a win by default? Is no one else interested? Say it ain't so, Joe!

[Dark Muse]

I wanted to enter this one, but I have been having trouble coming up with what I want to write about and had other stuff come out. I will try and enter something before it is too late.

[Dark Muse]

Death's Romance

Death beckons my soul
to take me sweetly away
into my dreams he stole
in his embrace I must stay.

To take me sweetly away
we danced with the night
in his embrace I must stay
given to immortal delight.

We danced with the night
on the edge life and death
given to immortal delight
upon his lips lives my breath.

On the edge of life and death
among shadows we dwell
upon his lips lives my breath
until the stroke of midnight's bell.

[krymsonkyng]

I've taken two stabs at it, and couldn't get past the second stanza. This one's pretty tough, but third time and all that...

[krymsonkyng]

"Insert twenty five cents for fun"
The fee paid, I punch the button.
The screen reads "Ready player one!"
and I ready the plastic gun.

The fee paid, I punch the button
to select which level is one
and I ready the plastic gun.
I shoot zombified aliens.

To select which level is one
is all of the thinking I've done.
I shoot zombified aliens
to create corpses by the ton.

Is all the thinking I've done
Undone by my violent run?
To create corpses by the ton
for a binge gaming marathon.

Undone by my violent run,
"Insert twenty five cents for fun."
For a binge gaming marathon
The screen reads "Ready player one!"

(When challenged, get silly!)

[Pendragon]

OK, OK, lets just end this. I saw where the pantoum was considered the most difficult poem style by the writer of the article to which I referred you. The weird thing is, he doesn't even have the form totally right, according to my Poetry Writer's Handbook. As I have written many pantoums, I thought something seemed strange with your entries, but I must judge by the example by which I myself gave you to go.

The problem lies in the last verse. A pantoum may be as short as three stanzas, or as long as you can keep the thought going, but the final verse must use the two lines from the first stanza that have not been repeated so far. Assuming a three stanza poem, the last line goes:
3.1, 1.1, 3.3, 1.3, or a variation, 3.1, 1.3,3.3, 1.1

So much for technique, now to the poetry:

YesNo

Wise choice in your initial repeating lines:

The wind blows rain into my face.
October days are turning cold.
I walk regretting my slow pace.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old.

This left room for a lot of flexibility. Well done.

DarkMuse

I really liked these very descriptive lines:

We danced with the night
on the edge life and death
given to immortal delight
upon his lips lives my breath.

And as is your forte, you created another beautiful, moving poem. Great job!

KrymsonKyng

I give you great job on the humor, but by the second verse you have already missed the rhyme scheme, not by a little, but by a mile!

The fee paid, I punch the button
to select which level is one
and I ready the plastic gun.
I shoot zombified aliens.

So what we have is an hilarious little gem of a poem that unfortunately has to be disqualified because this contest speaks as to form.

So I declare DarkMuse to be the winner! Congratulations!

Perhaps DarkMuse will give us a less stressful form!

Pen

[Dark Muse]

Thank you and hopefully people will not find my choosen form to be so difficult.

[Dark Muse]

Ok your next form is the Haibun.

It is a Japanese form which combines haiku with prose writing. The haiku should not repeat the imagery used in the prose but should loosely link to or juxtapose the prose. How the two elements are combined is up to you.

This site provides examples of different Haibun's:

http://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/

Deadline: Dec. 5th

[Pendragon]

I'm composing one, Muse. Hang in there!

[Pendragon]

The squirrels run down the tree, eager for the feast of peanuts I brought them

I often sit here at the park in town, just enjoying the peace and quiet. The squirrels know me well by now. A cheeky little female sniffs at my shoe. A very fat little gray fuzzball sits on the table opposite mine, munching away at a peanut, and mooching me for another. It is a wonderful day!

Gray flashes circle the trees, playing hide and go seek peering at me

I feel something touch my leg. It is an over-eager male grey squirrel that looks up at my startled face. I toss a peanut and he catches it midair. By now I have about seven furry little customers. I wonder if they would be bold enough to take one from my fingers.

Grey sentinels watch
For the thieving crows that snatch
Four nuts at a time

Really terrific to see how much they trust me. I am gonna need a bigger bag of nuts next time. Perhaps pistachios?

[Dark Muse]

I know many of us have probably been busy lately, but no other takers willing to give this a shot?