Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Tigers in the Grass

  1. #1
    an organized mess
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,013

    Tigers in the Grass

    I'm ready, at last,
    to share my place with you,
    this willow room where wild chamomile
    mingles with sharp-scented yarrow.
    Plump honeybees buzz a drowsy strain,
    drifting over banks dabbed with Indian paintbrush.

    The river here is clear and green as glass;
    pink-sheened trout jump half-heartedly
    after hovering bluebottles.
    The air is heavy with afternoon sun,
    time thick and sweet molasses.

    I'm lying languid and barefoot on the quilt,
    tracing flying geese with a fingertip
    while your fingers follow the fine lines
    of my ankle. I shiver in the heat, then rise
    and wade into water, white skirt lifted to my knees.

    You watch, amused, as I busy myself
    surveying the river bottom, finding fish
    still as stone among the rocks.

    "Looking for treasure?" you ask, and I nod.
    You roll up your jeans and join me. "Aha!"
    You dip down and scoop sand,
    pluck out a pointed white rock, and hold it to the sun.
    You scrutinize it with an expert eye, proclaiming,
    "A tiger's tooth!"

    I reach for it, and you pull me close.
    You're pressing the rock in the palm of my hand,
    and your body wet against mine.

    And yes, of course you're right! Tigers!
    Living lithe and lean in the overgrown sweetgrass,
    camouflaged in the cattails.
    I believe I spy a tawny eye appraising us...

    I am bathed in the magic of this place;
    you've lifted my skirt above my hips
    and we're losing clothing downstream.

    I whisper, "I see one,"
    and you murmur, "I see it too,"
    but you're looking at me, untying the bow
    on my blue peasant-blouse.
    The tiger stalks in the grass and waits,
    and I close my eyes, waiting
    to be eaten alive.
    Last edited by everyadventure; 08-15-2011 at 01:53 AM.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    6,161
    Blog Entries
    8
    Gosh that's a good one. So vivid a picture and so voyeuristic a tiger! You really get better every time.

    Live and be well - H

  3. #3
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    3,648
    Blog Entries
    1
    Romantic poetic and slightly erotic. Would not have recognised this piece as one of yours but it was blinding and made me think of an edwardian age (here) for some reason and I suspected this bloke was a tad dashing One of your bestest postings Miss.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  4. #4
    an organized mess
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,013
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    I suspected this bloke was a tad dashing
    Does it ruin the fun if I admit it was my husband? I think the babysitter was rather taken aback when we came home sopping wet

  5. #5
    Justifiably inexcusable DocHeart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Athens, Greece
    Posts
    685
    I loved this.

    I have a slight technical concern with "tracing", "traces" and "fingertip" (x2) popping up too close together, even though I realize it's probably deliberate.

    However, the clothing being lost downstream, the untying of the bow, along with the sweet surrender of the finale more than make up for it. It's a well-done poem about love and sex in a package.

    Keep sharing.

    Best regards,
    DH
    Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine...

  6. #6
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    ea, how good to know romantic life can remain the protagonist among marriage and children! And your writing is SUPER!
    Immense pleasure to read you! Of late, every one of yours is your best!

  7. #7
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Fremantle Western Australia
    Posts
    9,903
    Blog Entries
    62
    The intermingling romance and eroticism of the piece (and don't forget your beloved quilt) combined perfectly with the beautiful setting. One of your best Mistress EA.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  8. #8
    an organized mess
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,013
    @Doc, you're right, it was deliberate, but like you I'm unsure of whether it works. Those lines are open for input! Come one, come all, and give it a go

    @Delta, I actually have many quilts, it's a bit of a hobby for me... and I always like to have a freshly laundered one tucked away in the car trunk for impromptu picnics...

  9. #9
    Miaaow! Twota's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Egypt
    Posts
    1,017
    I really love this! specially the last 6 verses.

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    6,161
    Blog Entries
    8
    Yes I did notice the fingertips but it didn't bother me particularly on initial reading. Repeated review does make it jar though. I suggest:

    "...tracing flying geese with a fingertip
    while yours explores the fine bones
    of my ankle..."

    this give a nice assonance with yours and explores and conveys the same meaning.

    What say you?

    Live and be well - H

  11. #11
    an organized mess
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,013
    Tweaked that line a bit. Better? Or is fingertip / fingers too repetitive still?

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    6,161
    Blog Entries
    8
    It's definitely better after your edit but as a rule of thumb, if you're still conscious that there could be a niggle and have to ask, then perhaps it's not quite right. Ultimatley though, it's your poem, ea.

    Live and be well - H

  13. #13
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    8,746
    Blog Entries
    1
    This is one of those poems that seems to have demanded to be written. It's wonderful how the erotic seems to arise from the natural world and becomes part of it.

  14. #14
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    26,109
    Blog Entries
    13
    Delightful.

    Perhaps the poem's dreamy quality, of willow and water and yarrow... I read this as the River-woman's daughter and old Tom in a precious moment.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  15. #15
    an organized mess
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,013
    Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
    Perhaps the poem's dreamy quality, of willow and water and yarrow... I read this as the River-woman's daughter and old Tom in a precious moment.
    I confess I had to look up that reference... but I like the idea Hey! My 1000th post!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. because you told me you'd like to make love in the grass
    By JBrower in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 05-27-2010, 04:04 AM
  2. Tigers (a work in progress.)
    By arthurjay in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-24-2009, 09:59 PM
  3. At Grass. Help please
    By litlenani in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-20-2007, 05:30 PM
  4. The Grass Eating Tiger
    By Zagor26 in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-10-2007, 03:22 AM
  5. the green grass beating the life into me
    By rocksea in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-23-2004, 07:58 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •