AGE
There is a certain creakiness
that halts the turning key inside the lock,
that sudden falter;
an arrhythmia of time
that checks each cog’s advance,
to stretch the silences inside the clock
H
AGE
There is a certain creakiness
that halts the turning key inside the lock,
that sudden falter;
an arrhythmia of time
that checks each cog’s advance,
to stretch the silences inside the clock
H
Aside from the memento mori quality of this there is such pleasure for me in a poem that declines to occupy one syllable more than was necessary to it.
Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 08-07-2011 at 10:47 AM.
I loved this, I could hear the creakiness and see the lock.
Some original imagery in this. Arrhythmia was the perfect word to capture that pause, that mental stumbling.
You have saved yourself from cheek pinches for another week.
What a terrifying, inevitable poem, Old Man Walker.
J
Wit as always.
I would replace 'that' with 'which' in L2. Nice contrast between Father time, clocks and aging.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
why did you include "inside the lock" as is that not what a key would turn in?
just applying your advice that you kindly give to me.
kittypaws
Everyone finds himself in the world where he belongs. The essential thing is to have a fixed point from which to check its reality now and then.
Ancient Egyptian Inner Temples
Thanks all for your feedback -
@Prince - my intention was indeed to keep it brief - thank you for your kind words
@Twota - I'm pleased you could hear the creakiness rather than feel it!
@everyadventure - 'arrhythmia of time' was the phrase that sparked the poem in the first place so it had to take pride of place - and thanks for spotting it
@Jack - not so terrifying, maybe, but certainly inevitable
@yuka - happy to make you smile on what some might consider too morbid a topic
@Delta - I did ponder over having so many 'that's in a 6-line poem since there are 3 in total, but I wanted to maintain a rather flat, subdued monotone after the second line
- 'which' would have sounded too dissonant in my opinion, but thanks for sharing my quandry.
@kittypaws - your question is relevant - I could have left the phrase out but I wanted to set a counterbalancing rhyme for the word 'clock' right at the end.
H
Last edited by hillwalker; 08-08-2011 at 05:17 AM.
This is a distilled essence, beautifully said.
Thanks so much, Bar.
H
Good one hill, crisp and to the point.
LLAP - H
Enjoyed very much.
I balked at arrhythmia... had a look-see and sure enough the first "r" is silent (go figger).
When my heart palpitations act up and my knees creak I'll think fondly of your poem.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
tailor
who am I but a stitch in time
what if I were to bare my soul
would you see me origami
7-8-2015
I read your poem before but only now have some time to tell you that it made a great impact on me. It was almost scary to read it again, but Art.Originally Posted by hillwalker
Thanks Hawk, Tailor and Ucello - it was not intended to frighten, merely to provide pause for thought.
Thanks for reading and your kind comments.
H
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