I had to read this a few times before I got it, lol.Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
Mines's a tasteless, cruel joke, and it's one of my favorites:
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
I had to read this a few times before I got it, lol.
Mines's a tasteless, cruel joke, and it's one of my favorites:
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
So, it was you!
A guy goes to his doctor and says 'doctor, doctor, half the time I think I'm a wig-wam and the rest of the time I think I'm a teepee. Does that mean I'm crazy?'
'No' replied the doctor 'You're just too tents'
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
A mouse and an elephant are walking in the jungle. The elephant is showing off as usual, ripping up whole trees and smashing his way through the thickets.
Anyway, as they're drinking at a small tree, the elephant becomes thoughtful. "Hey mouse!" he says. "How come I can rip up trees and smash through thickets with my huge bulk and mighty strength, and you're so little, weak and puny?"
The mouse finishes his drink, wipes his mouth and turns square on to the towering elephant. "Well," he says, "I've not been feeling too well lately..."
Hahaha I shouldn't laugh but
I found this article today and would like to share it with you.
Don't become old!
'Scientists from the University of Glamorgan found that the desire to joke, laugh and have fun is lost when a person turns 52 years old.
As reported The Daily Telegraph , in the course of a study on humor, the experts found that the ability to smile, look at the world around us depends on the age.
According to researchers, the British children laugh 300 times a day, while teenagers under 19 years of laughing at most six times a day. After 20 years on average, Britons laugh four times during the day.
However, by 30 years the British sense of humor is a little rise, and they start having fun on five times a day. This indicator is linked to the fact that at this age, most people in Britain have children, which help to restore a sense of humor.
Nevertheless, after 40 years of British laughs and jokes are less and less. Most of them become quarrelsome, restless and irritable (revealed that men older than 60 years on average four times quarrelsome his contemporaries). Older Britons spend 1-hour and 41 minutes a day, worrying about their savings and health, and forget about the jokes and fun.
Earlier, the scientists found
that is easiest to remember the trite and predictable jokes, while funny as most are based on non-conventional contradictions, which makes them difficult to remember.
"Where love is there God is also".
Leo Tolstoy
So, a duck walks into a drugstore and says "give me some Chapstick and put it on my bill".
What's long, brown and sticky?
A stick.
You're all about to get pwnd:
Q: What do flowers and the letter A have in common?
A: Bees come after them!
"We are animals with problems that no other animal has." - Radam J. Starkiller
What's the difference between a dozen eggs and a herd of hippopotamuses?
Give up?
That's the last time I send you to the shop...
Bloke goes into a pub with a dog. He says to the barman, "I'll have a pint of bitter and..." He turns to the dog. "...what are you having?"
"I'll have a Guinness," says the dog.
The bloke pays for the round and they drink in silence.
When their glasses are empty, the bloke says to the barman, "Same again for me and..."
"Yeah - another Guinness, thanks," says the dog.
The bloke hands over a tenner and they drink in silence.
As they're getting to the bottom of the glasses, the bloke says to the dog, "Fancy one for the road?"
"Don't mind if I do," says the dog.
"Here," says the bloke, handing the dog a twenty, "you get them in while I go for a pee."
When the bloke gets back from the Gents, there's no sign at all of the dog.
"Where's the dog?" he asks the barman.
"I dunno - soon as you went into the loo, he was through the door like a shot."
The bloke rushes out to the street, looking left and right, but the dog is nowhere to be seen. Then the bloke hears amorous doggy noises coming from the alley at the side of the pub. He takes a few steps and peers round the corner, and he sees the dog, tongue lolling, giving the good news to a poodle in a pink collar.
"Rover!" says the bloke, shocked.
The dog doesn't break rhythm as he looks over his shoulder at his owner.
"Oh, hi. Hang on a minute."
"I'm - well - I'm disappointed," the bloke says. "You don't usually do this sort of thing."
The dog shrugs. "Don't usually have the bloody money, do I?"
Last edited by MarkBastable; 02-27-2011 at 09:42 AM.
What period of British History do dogs like best?
The Chewders
A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his tatties (a Scots word for potatoes). An American farmer looked over the fence and said
"In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger than that!"
The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them for our own mouths!"
Want to know how to write a book - fast?
"Call this little ol' patch of scrub a farm? Back in Texas, I can get in the car and drive all day and still be on my own ranch."
"Aye - I used to have a car like that."
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