a brief and meaningful piece
I love the title, the last 3lines. end with forceful
well-done. haunted
a brief and meaningful piece
I love the title, the last 3lines. end with forceful
well-done. haunted
ooooops - wrong thread!
Originally Posted by hillwalker
Haha, I am wondering , how, did you do that?
Trying to post a new poem in someone else's thread!!! and trying to do two things at once.
H
Thanks Yuka for your kind words!
Jerry, that cryptic word again. I guess not everyone shares my meteorological obsession and the concept that sunset is when day and night get together is a bit lame. Sigh.
Hill, you left your flippers hereI'll go down to the Water after I'm done with the half dozen clams on the half shells.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
honesty
there are days
I doubt you
and I love you less
if you were hurt
I don’t owe
any apologies
I would walk away
take the next Amtrak
and wake up in a new state
truth is
seeing your eyes again
in the morning
is the only reason
to open mine
Last edited by Haunted; 02-15-2011 at 12:15 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
honesty. what a sad truth! so dependent and yet able to exile oneself emotionally if need be as a matter of survival. Is this the essential difference between honesty and truth? whatever it is, you've captured something thought provoking in your poetic net Haunted.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
I'm not sure whether you mean us to read these as two separate poems or as two phases of the one relationship? Somehow the difference between them is too extreme for the 2nd interpretation... and there's something that doesn't quite work for me in the second stanza of the first half. Surely there ought to be a "you" after I don't owe?
And how economical each of the two halves is.
Delta, you see so much more deeply than I felt capable with my words. There's certainly a sense of codependency happening here. I had to choose between "self exile" and "sanity", both a technique in survival. Thank you for your insight, you made the poem seem worthy.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Hey Haunted I may be looking at this one differently. But I feel it could either mean two things. The end of one relationship and the start of a new one. Or, what the reader is trying to portray, is mixed emotions of the relationship he/she is in at the time. Anyway whatever the message, you've manage to do it again. Keep us on our toes.
Well done my friend.
read it as it is the honesty of expressing feeling and the underlying truth that sometimes the all you can do is go on loving. simple understated and poetic.
J x
Last edited by Jerrybaldy; 01-31-2011 at 09:30 PM.
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Prince, Mary, thanks for your comments. It's one relationship, one poem. It speaks of the many feelings in a relationship that conflict with each other, just as you surmised Mary. In that respect I guess it may appear to be separate poems.
Thank you Jerry!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I sense the narrator is torn between facing the truth and giving in to her heart :wanting to cut all ties when acknowledging the flaws in this relationship, yet unable to let go due to the overwhelming love she still feels for him.
And it's neatly encapsulated here.
H
Hill, you just sized it all up. Should I even be surprised coming from you? : )
Prince, I forgot to put in "you" in S2 but then it seems cleaner and universal in a sense. So I decided to leave it out.
Jerry, I re-read your comment, it's so eloquent like I don't deserve it. Thanks again
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
the real me
I am the knock
on their door
they ignore
I am the voice
on their phone
they hang up on
I am somebody
@something.com
they delete
I am a 100 pixels
by 73 pixels avatar
nothing more.
Last edited by Haunted; 02-15-2011 at 12:45 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
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