A famous Iraqi song and a story of love translated by me

We passed by you Hammad,
while we were travelling on a night train
we heard the sound of grinding coffee
and we smelled a scent of cardamom
O, train shout angrily
Eagerly shout, please once more
Their loving passion comes up and down
Under ribs and over the bosom
As a sand grouse perched under ears of corn
Hammad is the ever lover, I should confess
The cold breeze of dawn makes me startled
As well as the Golden Lira becomes excited
O, the train, you remind me our childhood's joy
We passed by you Hammad,
while we were travelling on a night train.
we heard a sound of grinding coffee
and we smelled a scent of cardamom



The story
Once upon a time, a traveler went from Baghdad to Basra riding on a nightly train and on the set next to him a woman at her 30-year-old sat there. As the journey was boring, they began chatting each another telling their stories and when the train passed by a village near the railway, the woman sighed a deep breath and looked worried. The fellow traveler asked her " why" wanting to know the reason.
The woman in a passionate speech said:
Here in this village and pointed out , I have loved my cousin since our childhood and we both loved each another.
My lover dwelled in this village as well, but as our love became publicized to all the region; the rural tradition cruelly prevents such love and every love should break of the relation at once and I myself left the area from that time and went to Baghdad to live in. Now I know nothing what happened to my cousin lover and she bitterly cried. The man was a poet and at once imagined the situation and wrote the verses which lastly became a famous song in Iraq.

Also here a video I upload ( the origin song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx8KWpKl5Ug

This is a true story of love happened in the 20th century in Iraq.

aaaaa

bbbbb

Dear Mohammad

Please don't think I am showing disrespect in bumping your posts and others.

It is my crude way of getting genuine contributors back in pole position from the spammers attack.

Best regards
M.

Welcome back, Mohammad! Haven't heard from you in the longest time. I loved your translation. I could hear the coffee grinding, smell the cardamom, feel the train. Nice work. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pompey Bum

Welcome back, Mohammad! Haven't heard from you in the longest time. I loved your translation. I could hear the coffee grinding, smell the cardamom, feel the train. Nice work. :)

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Well, I thank you Pompey Bum for you pleasant words
Indeed I opened a group on Facebook for teaching a grammar and translation and this takes all my time.
Many learners and everyday posts 50 - 100 posts I follow every day and correct the mistake of grammar of the members. Indeed because of doing this. I myself have developed enough in grammar hundred times than before, so I got benefit because I read and follow the language everywhere and solve many exercises each day.
The matter that I neglected the forum of literature and did not post any post two years ago or more, is due to my health is not always fine since I suffer from ( diabetes) and suffer from severe ( arthritis) all my bones aching me and especially my neck because of long time I sit behind the keyboard.. You see
This song comes out of a real story as I told ( The train and Hammad ) Hammad is the name of the girl lover ( south of Iraq )
People of south of Iraq most of them compose the popular poetry in their ( regional Arabic dialect ). We the people of north Iraq our dialect somehow is in different of those.
Another story of love becomes song and it is more thrilling than this one but it is too long to be translated.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN

Dear Mohammad

Please don't think I am showing disrespect in bumping your posts and others.

It is my crude way of getting genuine contributors back in pole position from the spammers attack.

Best regards
M.

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Why am I thinking in this way you mentioned or why do I consider your reply as you described ( disrespect ) ?
No, perhaps you can't get the idea or can't go with the idea, but this is the way of translation. I can't add a new attire to the original poem and always I try semantically not to be captured with the meanings. My way is not before two days I began to translate poetry. I translated many long and too much sophisticated literary works from French to English or to Arabic. Now the French language I have omitted from mind and keep only with the English language.
It is the way of translating poetry
Perhaps in your mother language such phrase does no sense with you, but it does sense to its natives and this the language one attire but different contents. In this way when transferring from different cultures, we the translators , almost tried to keep on meaning but also in the same time we try to go with the target language to make our translated work at least understandable to those ( the readers ) we translated to them our source language. Thank you for your comment. I never worry or be angry from any criticism.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN

bbbbb

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Secondly
For ( aaaa, bbbb ) I think you mean the meter ( metrical foot) and always it is so

My heart is torn up
my desire
my wishes
just a forgotten name
and a body
is still captured
days and nights I remember
my youth time
and all friends
the passion told me
Man of no passion is dead
And that I am still alive
because I own passion

Dear Mohammed

My apologies. You misunderstand me.

For the past two weeks Lit Net Forum has been under attack by cyber bots that swamp all the threads with their input.
As a consequence, all genuine contributors like yourself have been "bumped" further behind all their input.

My fightback was in bumping them back with "aaaa", "bbbbb" etc, so that the genuine posts got through.

By the way, your poetry is very moving and is much appreciated. I spent many years working in the Middle East, ( Qatar, Saudi, Bahrain, Iran) and have fond memories of there.

Best regards
M.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN

Dear Mohammed

My apologies. You misunderstand me.

For the past two weeks Lit Net Forum has been under attack by cyber bots that swamp all the threads with their input.
As a consequence, all genuine contributors like yourself have been "bumped" further behind all their input.

My fightback was in bumping them back with "aaaa", "bbbbb" etc, so that the genuine posts got through.

By the way, your poetry is very moving and is much appreciated. I spent many years working in the Middle East, ( Qatar, Saudi, Bahrain, Iran) and have fond memories of there.

Best regards
M.

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Thank you to explain ( has been under attack by cyber bots that swamp all the threads ) OK, you are right. I noticed that
I sent a message to the administration and got a reply saying, they will solve it and get rid of all the spamming topics

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mohammad Ahmad

I sent a message to the administration and got a reply saying, they will solve it and get rid of all the spamming topics

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Thanks for that information, Mohammad. It looks like they are on it now.

I am sorry to hear about your health and wish you better things to come. There are diabetes medicines now that can make a huge difference. I hope you have access to those. As for your sore neck--I have the same problem. :)

Your translation brought back vivid memories to me. I don't remember if we ever talked about this, but when I was a young man I passed through the Middle East several times as what we would now call a backpacker. I never went to Iraq, but I traveled through Syria and Turkey and also Egypt--even before the treaty with Israel. I was working on an archaeological excavation in Egypt but just traveling through the other places by train or bus or foot. I well remember the smell of the cardamom and the sound of coffee being made and the call of the trains. The poem brought it back to me.

I can see your English has improved. One point, though: if I'm reading the grammar right, the word shout (in the 5th and 6th lines) needs a simple past (shouted). Aside from that, it's perfect. It's nice to have you back with us and don't worry--the spambots will go the way of all malevolence in the end. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pompey Bum

Thanks for that information, Mohammad. It looks like they are on it now.

I am sorry to hear about your health and wish you better things to come. There are diabetes medicines now that can make a huge difference. I hope you have access to those. As for your sore neck--I have the same problem. :)

Your translation brought back vivid memories to me. I don't remember if we ever talked about this, but when I was a young man I passed through the Middle East several times as what we would now call a backpacker. I never went to Iraq, but I traveled through Syria and Turkey and also Egypt--even before the treaty with Israel. I was working on an archaeological excavation in Egypt but just traveling through the other places by train or bus or foot. I well remember the smell of the cardamom and the sound of coffee being made and the call of the trains. The poem brought it back to me.

I can see your English has improved. One point, though: if I'm reading the grammar right, the word shout (in the 5th and 6th lines) needs a simple past (shouted). Aside from that, it's perfect. It's nice to have you back with us and don't worry--the spambots will go the way of all malevolence in the end. :)

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ًThank you again that you're so kind and asked about my health
Indeed there is no final medicine or curative for diabetes. Now I try herbs medicine I find it somehow is useful. The diabetes infected me after I had been injured by a mortar's explosion while our military came back to Mosul in the end of 2016 and released us from ISIS. ( 30 \ 11 \ 2016 ) I never forget this date and they evacuated me to Erbil \ Kurdistan for treatment and stayed there nearly a month and did two abdominal operations and because some of my intestines were cut away, I think I was infected by the diabetes from that time. Second thing there is no background history of my family that one of them has been infected by diabetes .
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For grammar
Well , if you mean these the verb ( shout ) = imperative
O, the train shout angrily >>>>> imperative
Eagerly shout, please once more >>>> imperative

I see. Yes well, let me be frank. When I welcomed you back, I was privately thanking God you were still alive. I am horrified to hear of your ordeal. What a strong and good man you must be to have weathered it all with such grace. God bless you.

About your diabetes, you may want to look into a medicine called glucophage (it has other brand names but that is its generic name). It has some side effects but allows many to manage their diabetes well. But you have to take it daily and it is expensive.

As to the less serious matter of English grammar, I understand now. Still, if you are using the imperative mood, you should remove the article (the) before the noun (train) in the fifth line. You should also move the comma from after O and put it after train. So the verse will read:

O train, shout angrily,
Eagerly shout, please once more;

But these are very small points. Your work is very moving. Thank you for your efforts.

ccccc

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pompey Bum

I see. Yes well, let me be frank. When I welcomed you back, I was privately thanking God you were still alive. I am horrified to hear of your ordeal. What a strong and good man you must be to have weathered it all with such grace. God bless you.

About your diabetes, you may want to look into a medicine called glucophage (it has other brand names but that is its generic name). It has some side effects but allows many to manage their diabetes well. But you have to take it daily and it is expensive.

As to the less serious matter of English grammar, I understand now. Still, if you are using the imperative mood, you should remove the article (the) before the noun (train) in the fifth line. You should also move the comma from after O and put it after train. So the verse will read:

O train, shout angrily,
Eagerly shout, please once more;

But these are very small points. Your work is very moving. Thank you for your efforts.

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For ( the ) you're right and I removed

Yes, articles can be quite idiomatic. I would prefer to have none as with Latin. But I suppose they make languages richer in their own way--less spare in any case.