More of my "Poetry".

Two of my poems. These aren't my best. They are personal to me, though.


"Cum"
Into my pit of nothing and selfishness again
Crawling my way out with bloody nailbeds without nails
Watch me fall
Watch me **** it all
And make me cum
So I can distract myself
From
climax

VS
Innocent minds versus a mindless weapon.
Regular people versus mental illness.
Victim versus murderer.
Peer versus pressure.
Pressure versus you.
Pressure verses me.
Me vs the world.
The world versus news.
News versus tabloids.
Tabloids versus exploitation.
Exploitation versus pressure.
Pressure versus you.
Pressure versus murder.
Murder versus death.

I like the first one, MysteryGirl. A lot of angst there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by qimissung

I like the first one, MysteryGirl. A lot of angst there.

---

Thank you, Qimissung. I appreciate that.

I wrote this tonight.
--

Lust.

The sweat at the base of my palms.

And you grinding against me.

Lust was the taste of yesterday,

In the feel of our bedsheets.

Lust was finding you, in photographs.

And ****ing myself, ****ing you.

I wrote this a while back. I'm a bit proud of it.


A kiss from you to me means more than just a kiss.
It’s something that I’ve tasted when it’s you that I miss.
It’s more than just a simple gesture, to tell me you love me.
It’s showing me that I can choose to not be lonely.


It’s like letting our lips be shown a glimpse of sexuality.
Like letting our flavors dance like a virus in harmony.
And they dance as we get wrapped up in each other.
In a sickness beautifully recovered.

And so the silence creeps in again.

Threatening me with it’s presence.

Whether good or bad, lonely.

Whether happy or sad, quiet.

I try to find it’s calm innate storm.

I try to find the peace within it’s noiseless company.

I try to realize that all that silent at all.

I try to realize that a re-enactment of murder

and losing isn’t going on around me

in the confines of my bedroom.

I try to focus on the sound of a cat

or the sound of laughter.

And find

nothing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MysteryGirl

Two of my poems. These aren't my best. They are personal to me, though.


"Cum"
Into my pit of nothing and selfishness again
Crawling my way out with bloody nailbeds without nails
Watch me fall
Watch me **** it all
And make me cum
So I can distract myself
From
climax

VS
Innocent minds versus a mindless weapon.
Regular people versus mental illness.
Victim versus murderer.
Peer versus pressure.
Pressure versus you.
Pressure verses me.
Me vs the world.
The world versus news.
News versus tabloids.
Tabloids versus exploitation.
Exploitation versus pressure.
Pressure versus you.
Pressure versus murder.
Murder versus death.

---

They go deeper deeper into the psyche and something we ignore or suppress for social or ethical reasons. You have arrived at the very truth unswervingly and honestly. I think you will come up with such boggling and beguiling poems since we are fed up with the usual love story or tragic type. Human motifs are redefined here. Our longings are honored here.We are here out of the longings of our ancestors and the rest is trash

MysteryGirl, I rather like your poetry and was really drawn in by your first offering, "Cum". Too late now for you to take out the quotation marks from the title of this thread—yet you shouldn't have put them there in the first place! This is not "poetry", it's poetry! Keep'em coming our way, please!

NOTE; Thank you for the compliments. I appreciate them greatly.

More:



Today,

I looked through the looking glass.

And I saw memories of us in there.

They played like a video tape but

I had to stop them because I got that

feeling in the pit of stomach that makes me

feel like something is wrong when something

actually isn’t.

I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that

makes me feel like something is wrong when something

actually isn’t because of you.

and that made me think that you were something wrong

so just like you, I abandoned those video tapes
.

And I came back an hour later and cried because they

made me think that you were something wrong.

They made me do it.

And I don’t think

I was ready to get let go of you.

I’ve been in this storm for far too long.

The tidal wave has become too strong.

The current is pulling me under.

Begging me to surrender.

I am so lonely and everything is black.

But I cannot see the path to turn back.

I created a world where I knew what you were thinking.

And there was nothing left between us, no questioning.

There’s no tension whatsoever and the aroma is black.

I melted into you and became the love that we lacked.


AND

Don’t spread the word that this is Jane’s goddamn addiction.

Because she just started and she’s not sure she likes it.

She just started and she’s already feeling it.

The hazy, curiosity killing and ragdoll mindset.

The one mother****ing piece of sanity that she has left.

Because she picked the best friends that took her

down to a level that was lower than hell.

And now she doesn’t feel.

Above it.

Now she doesn’t feel.

Catching up with you all at once. Lots to enjoy. Now slow down! :)

I especially like your last two offerings Mystery Girl. It all feels very borderline and chaotic.

A lot to take in at once. I actually thought Vs was the cleverest of them all - a play on words as well as an original piece of writing.

You have talent and a fine eye for detail. But you also take risks that makes your work more exciting than most of what gets posted on here.

A belated 'Welcome'.

H

Thank you all so much. I don't even know how to properly respond apart from with a huge THANK YOU. I appreciate it honestly more than you know, especially raw comments such as yours because it makes me feel like I know what I'm doing right and hopefully that I haven't done anything too wrong. Here is a couple more from my stash. The titles are in bold...

I’m sorry
Sometimes I feel so alone here.

And alone is something that

I’m used to but somehow

It’s still bitter right now.

It feels like it’s tearing at me.

And if I’m being totally blunt,

I don’t have many pieces

of me left.

Take me
Shove me.

Push me.

Squeeze me.

Tease me.

Love me.

**** me.

Lust me.

Taste me.

Forget me.

Please.

Depression.
I am lost.

And crucified on your cross.

With nails shoved through

my wrists that look

oddly like

razor blades.

You own me.

Visuals & Sugar
You are too much for me.

I feel wrapped up in

controversiality.

I woke up this morning to

blood red sheets and the

smell of you biting my lip

lingering in the

frost bitten air.

There's a rawness to many of these that greatly appeals to me and the line about "letting our flavors dance like a virus in harmony" is the effing real McCoy! Even if we (or I) don't understand its literal meaning, it has its own authority.

But speaking of "effing," please don't over-use ****. In "Take me," for example, the line "**** me" just doesn't have the punch you intend it to; to me, it somehow felt as if you were self-consciously being naughty and were proud of it.

Thank you, Prince, for the compliment and also the constructive criticism. It means a great deal to me.

Oops, my apologies.

More

Misfit

Jane took herself out of the picture.

Because it was taken in black and white.

And she really liked

sepia.

Blankets and Dirty Carpets


I know I can’t be the only person

with depression who sometimes

has those things like I had yesterday

when I was feeling a self-esteem overload

and an overload of depression because

somehow those two things

coincide

and my mind was trying to distract me

and it was like

****

god damn

mother****er

you’re okay.

you’re okay.

everything’s fine.

and I started talking to my cat.

Like it was normal and I actually

was fine but I knew I wasn’t.

And I wasn’t sure if I was trying to

distract myself from hurting myself

or from the actuality of the attack

but I think it might’ve

worked. Just — sitting here in

my room, it’s feeling like

it didn’t.

Sadistic lure

I have a thing for you.

And you have plenty for me.

Dried up promises & drunken bats.


We swam around aimlessly and feeling

like we were somebody else.

And maybe we were but I was so

blinded by the fact that our hands

were touching that I think

maybe something happened

while we weren’t looking.

Freedom in a liquor bottle

Drunk up cum and made myself liquor

for three.

The hangover is over.

Two more, sorry.
Behind the scenes


Gone was the innocence

that filled you up to your ears

and made you feel like

you were a part of something.

Gone was the reassuring feeling

that everything was just fine

and everybody was taking care

of everything.

behind the scenes.

This one’s good enough.


I’ve been dying to let you in.

‘Cause I remember yielding a stop.

When I was scared.

I’ve been dying to play.

‘Cause I remember playing with you.

When it was time to go.

I’ve been dying to unfold.

‘Cause I remember letting you know.

I was unable.

I’ve been dying in your hands.

‘Cause I remember yielding a stop.

When I was scared.

Another that I wrote last night



We’re sick.

And I feel like it’s contagious.

So don’t step any closer.

Or you might risk dying.

Or we might risk you leaving.

Don’t step any closer.

Because there’s a storm inside

of us that we can’t control.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MysteryGirl

Another that I wrote last night



We’re sick.

And I feel like it’s contagious.

So don’t step any closer.

Or you might risk dying.

Or we might risk you leaving.

Don’t step any closer.

Because there’s a storm inside

of us that we can’t control.

---

There's a bit of a logical dilemma at the beginning because "we" sees to refer to you and your lover, so the fact of the contagionshouldn't matter.
But once againI'm swept along by the directness of your style, and I like thereversal at the end.

Interesting. "Cum" is especially interesting to me. The deep emotion within the explicit content that most would view as vulgar or childish. I've never seen somebody take such "simple", if you will, words and turn it into a gorgeous poem. Very impressive. Es ist schön, aus einem schönen geist.

Thank you very much, Prince. I adore your constructive criticism and also your compliments. You're one of my favorite members here, darling.

Nacht-Jagen, thank you very much for your compliments. I had to use Google translate for the last part and even they got it wrong but that was beautiful and I assume you understood it without translation. :P Very smart, you are and also very kind. Thank you again.