Age

AGE

There is a certain creakiness
that halts the turning key inside the lock,
that sudden falter;
an arrhythmia of time
that checks each cog’s advance,
to stretch the silences inside the clock

H

Aside from the memento mori quality of this there is such pleasure for me in a poem that declines to occupy one syllable more than was necessary to it.

I loved this, I could hear the creakiness and see the lock. :D

Some original imagery in this. Arrhythmia was the perfect word to capture that pause, that mental stumbling.

You have saved yourself from cheek pinches for another week.

What a terrifying, inevitable poem, Old Man Walker.







J

Wit as always.

I would replace 'that' with 'which' in L2. Nice contrast between Father time, clocks and aging.

why did you include "inside the lock" as is that not what a key would turn in?

just applying your advice that you kindly give to me.

:)

kittypaws

Thanks all for your feedback -

@Prince - my intention was indeed to keep it brief - thank you for your kind words
@Twota - I'm pleased you could hear the creakiness rather than feel it!
@everyadventure - 'arrhythmia of time' was the phrase that sparked the poem in the first place so it had to take pride of place - and thanks for spotting it
@Jack - not so terrifying, maybe, but certainly inevitable
@yuka - happy to make you smile on what some might consider too morbid a topic
@Delta - I did ponder over having so many 'that's in a 6-line poem since there are 3 in total, but I wanted to maintain a rather flat, subdued monotone after the second line
- 'which' would have sounded too dissonant in my opinion, but thanks for sharing my quandry.
@kittypaws - your question is relevant - I could have left the phrase out but I wanted to set a counterbalancing rhyme for the word 'clock' right at the end.

H

This is a distilled essence, beautifully said.

Thanks so much, Bar.

H

Good one hill, crisp and to the point.

LLAP - H

Enjoyed very much.

I balked at arrhythmia... had a look-see and sure enough the first "r" is silent (go figger).

When my heart palpitations act up and my knees creak I'll think fondly of your poem.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hillwalker

AGE

There is a certain creakiness
that halts the turning key inside the lock,
that sudden falter;
an arrhythmia of time
that checks each cog’s advance,
to stretch the silences inside the clock

H

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I read your poem before but only now have some time to tell you that it made a great impact on me. It was almost scary to read it again, but Art.

Thanks Hawk, Tailor and Ucello - it was not intended to frighten, merely to provide pause for thought.
Thanks for reading and your kind comments.

H

It gave that too.