Changing Horizons
I stood and looked out at the horizon. I could keep chasing it, and I wouldn't ever run into him. That's because where he was, I couldn't go. He would never be able to talk to me. The rain started falling, and yet, I didn't move my hands from the rail protecting me from falling down into the vicious crashing waves below me. It's nature seemed to reflect the inner turmoil in my own body. The vast, unmerciful waves crashing against my heart was pain, and it doubled and doubled, until, my tears mixed with the rain.
Five years ago, when Nathaniel Harroway asked me to go out with him, I was ecstatic, but if I'd taken just one glimpse into the future...I would have prevented his death.
You see, I have the ability to see a small bit of anything I want to in the future. Say that couple sitting on the bench. I can only see the girl walking away from him...he would stand and look lost. I don't know what the reason why they broke up was. I only see a small...clip. If only...
If only I had looked at a small clip of our future, I could have prevented all of this. Now, I won't even be able to use my ability to find which horizon to follow to find him once again.
The only way to find him would be to die along side him. I climbed the rail, holding on to the nearest light fixture. I looked down at the waves, bashing the rocks below.
It wasn't a bad way to die, dying in the one thing that physically resembled the pain inside of me the most.
I raised one foot off the rail, ready to just jump.
"WATCH OUT!" I heard right before I was tackled. The next thing I knew I was on the wooden floor, unfamiliar arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Jeez. Are you trying to kill yourself?!" The voice was unfamiliar also. I didn't answer. I wouldn't be living after a while, so why did I care?
I stood up and started climbing the rail again.
"Wai-What are you doing!?" Those same arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me away from the rail. "Don't do this."
"Just leave me alone." muttered, pushing him away. I started for the rail again, trying desperately to find that horizon that led to him. I couldn't...not live like this. I couldn't.
But this stubborn guy wouldn't let me do it. "No!" I said when he caught me by the arm. "Let me get to Nate! I have to get to Nate!" I struggled to pry his hands off my arm. He only pulled me to him to use his arms as restricting bands. I stepped on his toe and elbowed him in the stomach. when he "oomphed" I broke away from him and ran for the rail. I had to do this. I had to. He wouldn't understand it. And he didn't have to.
This was my choice.
With my final thought, I jumped. The feeling of nothingness underneath me didn't scare me. I embraced it. Hold on Nate, I'm coming.
But the feeling of nothingness soon disappeared. something gripped me by the wrist, and I swung, and felt my body slam against the concrete wall. And I was cast not into the sea, but oblivion.
__________________________________________________ ______________
The sea woke me the next day. Where I was was somewhat uncomfortable, but there was a warmth, halfway on me, halfway on the side of me. something was wrapped around my shoulders. Slowly, I opened my eyes. I turned my head and gasped at how close the masculine face was to my own. I settled down when I realized he was asleep.
His eyes were hidden underneath his closed lids, but his eyelashes were long and dark blonde in color, a little darker than his sandy mop of hair. He had accented high cheekbones, and in the middle, a straight, aquiline nose gently rose. And below that, the pinkest softest-looking lips I've ever seen. His bottom lip was full and was a little bigger than the top, but they looked kissable. Those lips were made masculine by his strong chin.
"You're awake." His voice made me squeak. He opened his eyes and looked at me. They were sea-blue, as clear as Puerto Rican beach water. I sat up, putting a little distance between us. I told my racing heart that he just scared me, nothing else.
"Are you alright? You're not going to go loco on me again?"
His voice and his words brought back all of last night. I felt guilt. How could I forget Nate? My heart clenched. Sometimes, I loved those times when I just wake up, and all my problems don't suddenly bombard me. I'd rather sleep eternally than live with this pain. I didn't deserve living if I could have saved his life. If only I had told him to get a checkup from the doctor...If only's wouldn't bring him back.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." He said. Only then did I notice the tears were covering my face. "Look, I couldn't let you jump. Those are serious waves."
I stood so fast, the blood rushed to my head. And it didn't help that my head was painfully pounding.
"Hey, calm down. You hit yourself pretty hard on that wall on the other side of the rail. You may not want to move around so much." He forced me to sit back down, and I, being in pain, had to reluctantly relent. But the fact that it was his fault I was in this physical pain was because of him. I flinched away from his hands.
"Why did you save me!" I suddenly asked, angry that I wasn't with Nate right now.
"Wha-" He looked surprised. I wanted to slap him silly, I wanted to...
"I didn't ask you to save me, so why did you?!? I can't live life like this. I have no family, no life, and the one I lived for is now gone! And you tell me don't do this? Why not?" He had his hands up in a surrendering pose. I don't care if he surrendered. He could surrender hundreds of thousands of times, I would not forgive him. He...he... "I just want to be with-" Nate. I sobbed, my pain coming up and choking off any more words. Just horrid sobs and hot tears. The guy awkwardly patted my shoulder. "I'll uh, give you some privacy."
He left me alone, and I just couldn't hold back. I lifted my head and yelled out. This pain wouldn't let up. It made me hurt, and yet, this wound couldn't be cured with band aids.
What seemed like hours passed, and I exhausted myself, my tears were a never ending wet river, and my sobs tore up my throat.
I must have fell asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was waking up to the smell of bacon, and the sound of frying entered my ears.
"Mornin' sunshine...well, afternoon." I opened my eyes, although I put some effort into it because how swollen they felt. When they did open, it was to the guy looming over me.
Of course I freaked again. "Could you please give me a little room?" He backed up, and I actually had a look around. I couldn't exactly call it a room. The walls weren't solid because the wind seemed to move them. There was a small portable stove in the corner, where the guy's bacon was sizzling. And I was laying on a king-sized futon mattress. "Where am I?"
"Hm?" He asked from where he was taking the bacon off the eye. "Oh, this is where I live."
"Where...what is it?"
"A tent." He simply said. "I live close to the sea you wanted to drown yourself in." He slid the bacon on a plate he magically pulled out from nowhere. "It was a good thing I decided to take a walk yesterday." He handed me the plate.
I looked at the food, but didn't touch it. I couldn't stomach this. "But I didn't want to be saved."
"Doesn't matter. The past is the past. Look to the future. Nate would sure have wanted you to live." He said, sitting with his own plate.
I set the plate down. I studied the man. And I saw a piece of his future, but I was surprised when I was next to him. He was pointing at something, and I looked and laughed at something he said.
This was the first time I ever doubted one of my scenes. "How can I smile?" I muttered. Maybe it was a different girl that looked like me. I "looked" again, and another clip of him holding me as we...danced? I had my head on his shoulder, with my eyes closed, content with following his steps. I looked happy.
I looked at the guy. He was engrossed in devouring his bacon. "What's your name?"
"Mph?" He questioned. "Boh. Bah nabe id ee-and." I heard past the food in his mouth.
"What?"
He chewed vigorously for a few seconds before swallowing. "Leland Hetsner. You can call me Lee, though."
"I won't thank you Lee." I said.
"That's okay."
"But I'm going home." I stood.
"Wait!" I paused in lifting the flap out my way. "What's your name?"
I didn't answer right away. "Eliza. Eliza Nelson."
"I wanted to know your name so I could call you the next time we met." He didn't say 'if', but I also knew we would meet again. My ability told me that. But that didn't mean I accepted it just because. That's why I needed to put space between us. I couldn't even think about another relationship when Nate's death was fresh. What was destiny thinking, throwing this at me this close to my grieving state?
"Bye." Was all I said in farewell as I stepped out the tent, dropping the "door" back in place.
Now it was to home...where it would be lonely without another body in there with me.
Two Months Later
"Eliza!" "We missed you!" "How are you?" "Wanna hang out after class?" All my acquaintances greeted me with relieved smiles, and enthusiastic remarks. I wonder what they would have done if I had actually died two months ago.
I haven't seen Lee since that day I left his tent, but oddly, I found I didn't forget him, and actually thought of him more than I wanted to.
"Eliza. Good to see you in here. " My Creative Writing professor, Professor Kilpatrick smiled at me. "As to seeing your condition and your previously elongated absence, I shall give you a special project or two to get your grade up. But I also have a favor to ask of my top student. A new student transferred here from business and engineering. I have no idea why, but he's decided to take up this class. When I say new, I'm saying he has no experience at all."
"Ah, sure. I don't mind."
Kilpatrick smiled. "Good. I'll pair you up with him. These are a few of his works that he's submitted. Thank you kindly."
"Welcome." I took a seat in the second row and immediately observed the sturcture, word variety and creative ideas he put on these papers. I had to admit, I was impressed.
The class started ten minutes later. This class was one of my favorites, not only because I loved the subject, but because it was such a small class. The professor called attention, getting everyone to stop talking and take their seats.
"Mr. Hetsner, please sit next to Ms. Nelson. She will be helping you out since you're starting this late in the semester." Why did that sound familiar? I asked vaguely, but I continued to to look over his works. He was fairly good for a beginner.
"No problem professor."
I gasped. That voice! I turned in my seat to see him descending to my row. "Lee?"
" 'Sup beauty. Surprised to see me?"
"What are you doing here?" I hissed, so as not to disturb the lecture.
"What? No greeting kiss?" Lee made no effort to quietly conversate.
I glared at him.
"Aw, come on. I've been waiting for you, and this is how you repay me?"
"I didn't ask you to!"
"Excuse me, Mr. Hetsner." I froze at my professor's voice. "If you want to talk to Ms. Nelson, please take it outside."
"Of course." He smiled charmingly before taking my hand and pulled me out of the classroom. "Once outside, before I could rant at him, he said, "Are you alright?" It was so serious, and his face was even more so. "I've been worrying about you since that day."
I looked away. My heart started pounding again. "Yeah. I'm okay." I looked back at him. "Have I crossed your mind that often to worry about me?"
"No, you never crossed my mind." I opened my mouth to object when he continued. "Because you've always been on my mind." I, a twenty-four year old, blushed.
"Look, Eliza, My father's a rich stock broker-"
"So why did you live in a tent?"
"Because he was mad at me. I wouldn't marry. It got so bad that he was trying to set up marriages for me. I left home with just a few things to sustain myself.
"But I returned home. I talked to my dad, and we worked it out."
"Ah...so if you're rich, why are you going to a community college?" I questioned.
"I transferred from Harvard."
"You what!?"
"Well, I found out where you went to college." He said without any shame. "I really don't want to inherit my dad's job...when my dad and I fought, I just took a few things and came here, to the sea where I wanted to be. When I left my dad’s house, I promised myself I would not do something I didn’t want to do. Business and engineering was something I didn’t want to do, so even if my dad and I made up, I didn’t return. Then I started thinking…and researching, and found out you wanted to be a writer," He smiled his charming goofy smile, "and thought maybe I could try writing. Maybe I can be an aspiring author just like you!"
"Are you a stalker or something?" I asked, "Did you do a background check on me or something? I bet you know where I live to-"
"That spot where you were gonna jump..." He said, cutting me off. "That was Nate's favorite spot, right?"
Nate never stated that, but he did love spending time in that specific spot, watching the sun set each day, especially since it was only a few minutes from our condo. "Yes."
"Look, listen Eliza." This was one of the one times I've seen him doubtful. "I'm not trying to make you forget Nate. I know he's still in a big part of your heart. I'm not trying to take his place...but I was wondering, if you could give me a chance...to make you laugh, smile and find the joys of life. You don't have to answer now. On Saturday, if you decide yes, I'll be waiting in Nate's favorite place at Ten. Today's Monday, so you should have a few days to think it over."
With that, he went back inside. He didn't talk to me the rest of the week. He didn't ask me for help in Creative Writing. Not like he needed it.
I was torn. I didn't know what to pick. I loved Nate, and it felt like I was cheating on him, but at the same time, Nate always wanted my happiness more than anything else.
It came to Friday night, and I still hadn't made up my mind.
I laid in my bed, and was surprised at how sleepy I had found myself. I fell asleep in a matter of seconds.
And I dreamed.
I was in a meadow, sitting, playing with flowers when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned and saw Nate. I jumped up and hugged him. He chuckled but didn't say anything.
I looked at his precious face. "I miss you." He smiled a sad smile, tipped my nose and ran a hand through my dark hair. Then he wiggled his fingers in front of his face. That was his way of representing my ability. Then he pointed at me.
"You want me to "look" at one of myself?" He nodded. So I did. The scene was of me...and it was just my hand...willingly being place in another's. Lee's. "But...Nate, what about you?" I asked, feeling sad. He smiled, tipped my nose again, before leaving my arms, then tuned and ran towards the horizon. He kept running until I couldn't see him anymore.
I smiled, and realized that the farther he ran away, the more peace I had felt. That horizon...I wasn't meant to follow. Suddenly, I was crying, but these tears weren't the mourning tears. They were happy. Relieved. The Last Cry.
The next day, I walked to the dock. For the first time since Nate left, I didn't feel the heavy pain as I walked the same path that we used to walk together. I felt content.
Because I knew where it led, and who was at the end. I was chasing a different horizon now. I don't know if this relationship will last, but all I know was that I was starting new.
Up ahead, a lone figure looked out at a golden sea, his windblown hair flew behind him. He wouldn't be alone that much longer.
He turned at that moment and smiled when he saw me, his happiness apparent. I smiled back.
He held out his hand, and there was no hesitation.
I placed mine in his.
