August '10 Elimination

Please vote for the story you like best and the winner will be taking part in the final vote at the end of the year.

Discussions on individual stories, to avoid influencing the outcome of the poll, are not allowed.

If contributers would like to ask questions, they should email us at [email protected].

Please note that the authors agree to keep their identities secret when they enter the competition.
Those who breach this rule will be disqualified automatically.

Good luck, everyone! :)

Competition Rules
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Note: This poll will close on August 31st, 2010.

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All right...

Virtual Kitkats are on offer for the first three votes cast!

Still waitin'...

Kit Kat's are great and all, but where's your sense of Tropical Island Adventure?
http://www.hersheys.com/products/det...ges/banner.jpg

Like the Great, "Needham's" -- whose origin (http://www.squidoo.com/needhams) might have been from somewhere around my neck of the woods, speak of all the good, fun stuff: sugar, chocolate, COCONUT (cuckoo for coconut), almonds!

Damn, man, them's good yarns. I'm not even finished reading yet (reading in random order), but, OMG (as we say now) these folks have gotten really good! I can't believe the high quality of this writing!
I'm going to keep reading, I can't stop!

Yay!!! I'm the first voter here and I've earned a Kitkat. Well Scher, won't you give me some coconut filled chocolate too? I simply love them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aliengirl

Yay!!! I'm the first voter here and I've earned a Kitkat. Well Scher, won't you give me some coconut filled chocolate too? I simply love them.

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Thank you, Aliengirl.

Since you are the first voters, you indeed deserve both Kitkat and Almondjoy!

They are in the post.

Love KitkKats, yay me and aliengirl, so far!
I understand the virtual kind are much less fattening, too!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LMK

I understand the virtual kind are much less fattening, too!

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True dat!

Last Kitkat up for grabs, folks!

Difficult decision. Lots of good ones.

{edit}

R e m i n d e r

Please do not discuss the stories individually during the voting.

Too late for the kitkats?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lulim

Too late for the kitkats?

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'Fraid so, Lulim.

But you can help yourself to one Heroes (they are regular chocolate bars in miniature sizes):

http://www.chocablog.com/wp-content/...y-heroes-2.jpg

7 votes in 11 days??? :-/

We need more votes, folks... I am sure there are more than 7 people who actually enjoy reading on this Forum!

Hey--yo!
Get off your tush and vote!

I can't decide.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sancho

I can't decide.

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Dear Sancho,

As part of the Literature Network management team, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to read the stories in this month's elimination.

Please contact us if there is anything our team can do to make the decision process less painful for you.

Kind Regards

Scheherazade
Moderator (LitNet)

Thanks Sher, but no Ma’am, there’s nothing to be done. I’m trapped within my own psyche. You see, I liked each of the stories for one reason or another. And while reading them, I kept thinking that each writer had put a lot of effort into their story and had produced something they were proud of. Then I got the idea that by voting for one, I’d be insulting the others. So here’s a cop-out typical of Sancho: I cast my vote for everybody. I know that doesn’t help a whole bunch in naming a winner, but what the hey? Everybody’s a winner, according to Sancho.

No, dude... you've got to cast your vote, painful as it may be. See, the regular user can't tell how many people are hemming and hawing, or even reading the stories. Day after day, if I look at the voting, and see the same old eight votes cast, it looks like maybe, no one's even reading them.
Although I can't really compete in the writing, The Short Story Contest is one of my favorite sections here at my favorite Internet site. The idea that maybe only eight people read the stories, seems like it would be awfully discouraging to those that actually wrote them, or even the eight of us who did vote.
So please, vote -- the process itself represents something bigger than all of us!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Captain Pike

No, dude... you've got to cast your vote, painful as it may be. See, the regular user can't tell how many people are hemming and hawing, or even reading the stories. Day after day, if I look at the voting, and see the same old eight votes cast, it looks like maybe, no one's even reading them.
Although I can't really compete in the writing, The Short Story Contest is one of my favorite sections here at my favorite Internet site. The idea that maybe only eight people read the stories, seems like it would be awfully discouraging to those that actually wrote them, or even the eight of us who did vote.
So please, vote -- the process itself represents something bigger than all of us!

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Wow, yeah what he said!

Did anyone else hear an anthem of some sort playing in the background and feel the urge to stand up and salute while reading the Captain's post? Just me, huh?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sancho

Thanks Sher, but no Ma’am, there’s nothing to be done.

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Are you sure?

Papaya and I have decided to offer 15 minutes' free shoulder massage to those who are considering voting...
To ease the burden of decision making, you see.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Captain Pike

No, dude... you've got to cast your vote, painful as it may be. See, the regular user can't tell how many people are hemming and hawing, or even reading the stories. Day after day, if I look at the voting, and see the same old eight votes cast, it looks like maybe, no one's even reading them.
Although I can't really compete in the writing, The Short Story Contest is one of my favorite sections here at my favorite Internet site. The idea that maybe only eight people read the stories, seems like it would be awfully discouraging to those that actually wrote them, or even the eight of us who did vote.
So please, vote -- the process itself represents something bigger than all of us!

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Papaya and I have decided to offer 15 minutes' free shoulder massage to those who are considering voting...
To ease the burden of decision making, you see.

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I’m a short fiction junkie too. And, aiy Cap’n. Sir, you argue persuasively, but Scher cinched the deal. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s got it, a little to the left, ahhhhh.

As I said earlier, I liked all of the stories. Some had beautiful prose, some had superb description, some had surprise or tension, and all were humanistic. {edit}

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sancho

but Scher cinched the deal. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s got it, a little to the left, ahhhhh.

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Sancho,

I think there has been a misunderstanding.

As Forum moderators, Papaya and I made the decision to offer massages but they will be administered either by The Atheist, Neely or Dafydd!

Enjoy!

Always wonder about those {edit }s replaced.


... Then, later...

Cool, more cloak and dagger stuff! This beats the heck out of candy bars! I can't wait to see what's going to happen next...




... to the shores of Tripoli!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Captain Pike

Always wonder about those {edit }s replaced.

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Comments on individual stories are not allowed, I am afraid.

:)

aww... that's it? I guess I can wait.:confused5::frown2:

I would, of course, in the spirit of Litnet, be only too happy to offer any massage seen fit, but I feel I should give a couple of warnings. Firstly, I am wearing the gloves I used for replacing the gearbox and half-shafts on a '69 Chevvy Impala, so any dark marks left on the skin are the responsibilty of the recipient. The oil is, of course Castrol - nothing but the best. Secondly, as a result of a misunderstanding between myself and a German maker of steel nail-clippers, my finger-nails are not only slightly longer than the fingers to which they are attached, but they are painted a delicate shade of mercurochrome red. Thirdly, I have a black belt, 7th Dan, in Origami, so one word out of place, and I fold you in to a paper rabbit. Should this be acceptable, I will be there, at the crack of noon, on the day in question. I am the one with the Druidic robes and the Royal Automoblile Club badge on my underwear. I look forward to our assignation.......

I too, like my fellow amateur masseur dafydd, would be only too happy to help out for the great cause of Lit Net and art. However, I must also warn you that I probably have bits of muck under my bitten nails from messing about with basil and tomato leaves. Also as I find all types of massaging incredible tedious I will also complain for the entire five minutes of the process, in fact as I don’t really like touching other people’s naked backs (complete with olive oil) so I will probably have to use my new pump-action water spray instead - if you don’t mind. One other issue is the fact that I am a bit sweaty, having been sat on my leather sofa for the last seven hours, I have been working mind, but that doesn’t alter the fact that I am in need of a wee bath, so you know, just warning you like. I will also insist on wearing my new John Lennon shades throughout the process (I picked them up in an emergency from poundland but have grown rather fond of them). Other than that, hop on by.*




* Subject to terms and conditions. Only attractive females may apply. Clients are under no obligation to stay the entire five minutes and can leave within this period, however should this occur a penalty of supplying Neely with a superior quality Belgian ale, a Trappist ale or Abbey ale is required as minimum payment. Should clients stay the entire five minutes a Trappist ale or Abbey ale is required a minimum payment. Clients are responsible for bringing their own towels and hair projection at all times, as it is regretted that the use of Neely’s towels is not permitted within the massage area (floor) as this would require the use of them being washed afterwards and Neely can’t stand the sound of the washing machine for more than five minutes. The Literature Network Forums can not be held responsible for individual masseurs and any complaints cannot be directed towards either the site, the Admins or the Moderators. All issues are the sole responsibility of the individual and the masseur in question. However complaints against the individual masseurs are not allowed. This does not affect your statutory rights.

I second everything Neely says, especially the bit about supplying some Ale, although since he's been messing about with Basil, I do have one or two reservations.

Basil had no complaints...

Ah, you offered him the wet lettuce and the rhubarb compote, then....

Dog gone it, I keep forgetting to read these. This weekend, I promise.

Massages? One of my specialist subjects!

I've given..... no..... I can't tell any of those stories.

Suffice to say, my hot oil massages have a certain reputation which is fully justified!

:D

Do you want to borrow my water pump?

(http://www.online-literature.com/for...t=55263&page=2 post 18.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Sancho,

I think there has been a misunderstanding.

As Forum moderators, Papaya and I made the decision to offer massages but they will be administered either by The Atheist, Neely or Dafydd!

Enjoy!

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Well now, this changes everything. Hmmm. Ah, what the hey, I’ll try anything once.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sancho

I’m a short fiction junkie too. And, aiy Cap’n. Sir, you argue persuasively, but Scher cinched the deal. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s got it, a little to the left, ahhhhh.

As I said earlier, I liked all of the stories. Some had beautiful prose, some had superb description, some had surprise or tension, and all were humanistic. {edit}

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The {edit} contained all good comments. It’s just that I ain’t never been no good at following no instructions. Sorry, Scher. Also, I see now that I really could’ve used a hyphen between short and fiction. It's sort of comical trying to figure out what's modifying what in that sentence.

Dear Mrs. Scheherazade

I am in receipt of your epistle, offering me the chance to be one of the Official Masseurs to Litnet. I am deeply touched. I have checked my diary, and with the exception of a 600-word piece to write for Mechanics Monthly on "The Diesel Engine in pre-Raphaelite Art", I seem to be reasonably free. Obviously, I can't do Wednesday nights, as you know, because of the taxidermy classes. By the way, the ferret is coming along nicely, if a bit smelly now. However, a bit of the mother-in-law's hairspray seems to keep it down to a dull roar. My teacher is very pleased, although, for some odd reason, she only tells me so by e-mail these days.

I have checked the contract with the British Union of Masseurs (BUM), and there are certain provisos, what with this being a charity gig, and all. The official uniform for the Masseur (Hereinafter referred to as "The Masseur") is; hob-nailed Wellington boots, rude moleskin trousers, a collarless, cotton shirt and a coat made of ainimal skins. Since this one seems to stir up a red mist amongst the animal rights crowd, I shall wear a donkey jacket, with the letters NUM on the back. I presume this is the National Union of Masseurs, a pre-cursor of the present body. The Internet remains silent on the subject.

The Massee, if that's the proper word, (hereintoforethereafter known as "The Victim") may choose their own clothing, but please note that stilleto heels damage the lino, and we ask clients not to wear them. Especially the gentlemen. Also, it makes them taller than me.

The oils to be used are: Ylang Ylang, Camphor, Peppermint or Esso Gold for the Modern Engine type 10W 40. The Victim may choose their own. Lavender oil is forbidden under the "Smelling like my Granny" Regulations, Sect 4 sub-sect iv, para 237 sub-para mcmlxvi of 1978 (Revised 1993).

I trust that this is in order. I have been in contact with Mr. Neely and, because of distances involved, have sent Mr Atheist a prayer. I know he will appreciate it.

I am, Sir, Your Humble and Obedient Servant

Etc. Etc. etc

After all the drumming up, there are still only 10 votes???

Now, I am disappointed, people!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by scheherazade

after all the drumming up, there are still only 10 votes???

Now, i am disappointed, people!

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come on, you lot ......vote .......or you get two massages!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dafydd manton

come on, you lot ......vote .......or you get two massages!!!!

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How about you, Dafydd?

When are you going to vote?

:p

As an official prize, so to speak, I wasn't aware that I could. Right - call me at the crack of noon!

dafydd, here’s something weird. When I read your post about your peculiar and depraved method of therapeutic massage, the voice inside my head that reads to me had a British accent, something like: “Step lively Lef-tenant, there’s a good chap, right so, Bob’s your uncle.” Normally the voice sounds more like Forrest Gump: “Loo-tenant Dan, ice cream. Loo-tenant Daaa-un, ice creeem”