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The fall of the graceful sunrise
The ascension of the soft sunset,
When pen writes to the size
When the two have ever met
The grief of happiness,
The exciting depression,
Brings with nothing to be left
Brings the fullness of expression
With what darkness can be lighted?
With what hatred can bring love
No matter how big and mighted
Hopeless without a white dove
How can a proud man fall?
When brought out all...
The work is great, the workers are few... but the key seems simple: In the world upside down the answer is "there is no way"... But there is a famous saying: "if you cannot change the world, change your own vision of the world, and then you'll change the world"... Darkness is relative as are directions, but the relativity of the reality makes us its masters! which means that if I look for order/light/harmony while contemplating the world, it is order, light, harmony that I'll find and live with...Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
Be well - and thanks for sharing - Bar
There are interesting paradoxes throughout this and a sincere effort to confront some of the mystery of existence, BUT
could you correct the structure regarding the 2nd line in verse 3, and find some other way to rhyme "lighted" and above all clarify the spelling of "Whwn" in the last line. If it was meant to be "When" it doesn't make idiomatic sense.
Well, thanks Prince, I thought I proofread, but not quite.
Yes I meant "When", but I hadn't meant it as an idiom, but more of a declaration after the not essentially stated ponderings above.
It's a really interesting piece. I only have one doubt about the use of mighted. I had never seen it used before, and I can't find it on the dictionary. If you could clarify this use of the word, it would be highly appreciated... unless you are resorting to a poetic license :)
lol. I guess there's no hope for it. Two against one...
but you don't undersatand what I'm trying to say?
I think "mighted" might mean "given might" (i.e. "made mighty"). Maybe poetic license, but maybe something acceptable in older usage?
Well, I was shooting for strength...
I do :nod: I'm just getting overly linguistic :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
It's what I had thought. Thanks, bill!Quote:
Originally Posted by billl
Then it makes sense, I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
If I change the word...hm...
I am lost. I can't think of a better way to put it...
Seems fine. People don't normally get to ask the poet, but... It turns out it meant what we thought it meant!
well, thanks! I was beginning to worry...
Don't worry, we are just communicating ideas among each other. A healthy poetic practice :D
yes, very much indeed!
very well put, lots more for me to "contemplate" :p I really like that famous saying, and it relatively is true.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bar22do
And I love to share. Thanks fo reading!
I love the concept here--the yin/yang--but I think the entire 3rd stanza is weak. There's the "mighted" problem, and the distractingly predictable love/dove rhyme.
I've been getting that a lot...hmm...Quote:
Originally Posted by _Shannon_
is it just the last two lines of the third stanza? Or the whole thing? I may have to take this one into a work in progress...