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I sing of a matchless maiden
who sat in a garden of roses
head bent,
quietly reading
when a moonflower vine grew up around her
crept round her feet
curled up her ankles
encircled her waist
twined itself through her arms and hair
a white petal resting on her cheek
at last the maiden sighed
moon and flower bloomed and glowed
and the night was arrayed with its delicate scent
the last page read, the moon set, book and flower closed,
and the maiden slept
The first thing that came to mind when opening this thread was the poem "I, Too, Sing America" by Langston Hughes. Anyway, I loved this poem. The imagery is, in a word, exquisite. I can't help but to wonder what she was reading.
It seems to evoke images of medieval romance. I'd sort of expect John William Waterhouse to have done a portrait based on something like this - the imagery is just perfect for it. Well done indeed!
Lose the apostrophe after "its'" and this will be, if possible, an even better poem than it already is. It's compelling and magical all the way through and becomes even more of the latter by that so unexpectedly anti-climactic last line!
I wish I knew what you did/felt when you had finished it! I intuit it might have been something like the wonderful final lines of Wm Carlos Williams' "Danse Russe:"
Quote:
If I in my north room
dance naked...
before my mirror
waving my shirt around my head
and singing softly to myself:
“I am lonely, lonely,
I was born to be lonely...”
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
except of course for the part about being lonely!
What a nice poem Qimi. The imagery is striking and I just love the last section:
I just love the sounds in there. I don't know if you realize how all the sounds interconnect. The "maid" of maiden sound connects with "ray" of arrayed and there is even a slant rhyme of maid/read. Then there is the long "o" sounds in "glow" connecting with "closed" and slanting with "bloom". And bloom and moon are dead on rhymes. And the "flow" of flower seems to be somewhere in between glow and bloom. And I almost didn't see the scent/slept/set sound connection. I hope I'm making sense. Did you do those sounds consciously or did it just come together? It's wonderful, and given the first half of the poem doesn't do that, it comes as a nice climax at the end. :) Way to go!Quote:
at last the maiden sighed
moon and flower bloomed and glowed
and the night was arrayed with its’ delicate scent
the last page read, the moon set, book and flower closed,
and the maiden slept
One qualm. Why "matchless" girl? I don't see the significance.
I immediately thought you were poetically describing a painting or photo and, that you did one hell of a job of it. Kudos!!
It's one of my favorite poems!!! I'm dancing right now!!!:)
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
Thank you, Dori. The title of his poem did spring to mind,and this will answer Virgil's question,too, as the title and the first line of the poem comes from the medieval poem" I Sing of a Maiden." I didn't want to use that title,as it was already taken, so I added the 'too'.
The first line of the original is "I sing of a maiden that is makelees"
(matchless). In other words, she is peerless, pure,or perfect, take your pick. The rest of the poem has nothing to do with the original, however. I had the idea of using the moonflower vine, which in reality does bloom only at night and for a short time. It's a beautiful flower,and I thought the imagery was quite beautiful, too, but I must say I am surprised, pleased and happy with everyone's reaction.Thank you so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dori
Thank you Virgil. How my poems sound is important to me, but I can't say that, other than I liked what I put together at the end, that I was conscious of all those connections. I usually read things aloud (thanks, PrinceMyshkin!),and if I can muster the patience I will put something away for a few days, then listen to it again. I didn't want it to be to rhymy, but I was looking for a flow,which I guess I managed. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
Thank you, Sophia.Well, I was describing a picture-it was just one in my head! Here is a picture of a moonflower, if anyone would like to look. They are beautiful.
http://www.floridata.com/ref/I/ipom_alb.cfm
The Moonflower Vine also happens to be the title of a favorite book of mine, by Jetta Carleton. Has anybody read it?
Last, if anyone is looking for a deeper significance to this, it is there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Sophia~
"moon and flower bloomed and glowed" great assonance Gimissung. I would use even more if possible. You did a fine job on this intriguing poetic. I enjoyed it very much. easy
How dreamy, how lovely! :D :D People have mentioned things about the assonance - I agree, it's lovely. What a wonderful example of word-painting.
Oh I did a search on that medeival poem and here it is:
Source: Sisam, The Oxford Book of Medieval English VerseQuote:
I Sing of a Maiden
I sing of a maiden
That is makeles;
King of alle kinges
To her son she ches.
He cam also stille
Ther His moder was,
As dew in Aprille
That falleth on the gras.
He cam also stille
To His moderes bowr,
As dew in Aprille
That falleth on the flowr.
He cam also stille
Ther His moder lay,
As dew in Aprille
That falleth on the spray.
Moder and maiden
Was never none but she;
Wel may swich a lady
Godes moder be.
http://www.lone-star.net/literature/...gofamaiden.htm
I've never seen it before. Your ear for sound is great Qimi.
That is the very one,Virgil. Pretty, isn't it?
Yes, but you know I think I like yours better. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by qimissung
sweet little pome you got here, q. Nice.
Thank You, Virgil, you have good taste in poetry, so I'm pleased and touched. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil