it's the end (please critique this song i wrote!)

flashes in the sky
it's your time you're gonna die
radiation floods earth's nations
surely you will see mutations
a new race to replace people
it's our time to take control
we are of the Kitsunian race
we have come from another place

(CHORUS)
it's the end of the world
it's the end of your life
it's the wnd of the world
it's the end

human-like foxes and wolves take over
unlike your dogs Lucky, Pooky, or Rover
we don't run on all dirty fours
we're just here to play the game of war
we won't spare a single life
some of us slit throats with a combat knife
others use explosive shells
but we all think you can go to hell

(CHORUS)
it's the end of the world
it's the end of your life
it's the wnd of the world
it's the end

with our perfected battle stance
you will never stand a chance
you're world is now about to crumble
monuments and buildings are reduced to rubble
nothing remains of the planet Earth
it is now time for Kitsunia's birth
those who survive are now enslaved
there isn't any hope of being saved
if you rebel the fine's ionization
thats the end of civilization

(CHORUS)
it's the end of the world
it's the end of your life
it's the wnd of the world
it's the it's the end of the world
it's the end of your life
it's the wnd of the world
it's the it's the end of the world
it's the end of your life
it's the wnd of the world
it's the end

songs/music is meant to be heard, not read. So it's really difficult to comment!

thank you for trying! just read it as a poem for now, ok?

I guess it depends on the music. But a bit extreme, don't you think? I'm mean do you really believe that?

no i dont. it just helps my depression, thats all.

you obviously have some writing skill... as far as this song, i don't prefer this type, because it is dark, and i don't like all the violence i see the media try to 'romanticize'.
here's what i didn't like: " some of us slit throats with a combat knife... but we all think you can go to hell" cause of the bad rhythm and the obvious rhymes. also, "if you rebel the fine's ionization" did you mean disintegration?
what i did like: "a new race to replace people/it's our time to take control/we are of the Kitsunian race/we have come from another place", and, "we're just here to play the game of war", and, "you're world is now about to crumble/monuments and buildings are reduced to rubble". i also am interested to hear more about the kitsunians.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cogs

you obviously have some writing skill... as far as this song, i don't prefer this type, because it is dark, and i don't like all the violence i see the media try to 'romanticize'.
here's what i didn't like: " some of us slit throats with a combat knife... but we all think you can go to hell" cause of the bad rhythm and the obvious rhymes. also, "if you rebel the fine's ionization" did you mean disintegration?
what i did like: "a new race to replace people/it's our time to take control/we are of the Kitsunian race/we have come from another place", and, "we're just here to play the game of war", and, "you're world is now about to crumble/monuments and buildings are reduced to rubble". i also am interested to hear more about the kitsunians.

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:D
Ty!!! Really!!! I would love to tell you about the kitsunians, but that is a long, long story. If you must know, then see the thread "Kitsunians Rising" for more on them...about the line, "if you rebel the fine's ionization". to answer your question, yes, I did mean disintegration.

I totally understand where you are coming from about it being too dark. If I were to vote on this poll, I would say "yes, it is too dark". Although that's what I think, it does help me with my depression. The reason? it reminds me how much worse off we could be...

"i don't like all the violence i see the media try to 'romanticize'." is the next line you said that caught my attention... (yes i read it two or three times) Again, i totally agree with you. The only reasons i put violence in there are; (1) It flowed better, (2) It follows the story, and (3) I wasn't glorifying it, I was writing a reminder to how good we have it. Even though we aren't perfect (what is?), we are still here and, well, alive!

"what i did like: 'a new race to replace people/it's our time to take control/we are of the Kitsunian race/we have come from another place', and, 'we're just here to play the game of war", and, "you're world is now about to crumble/monuments and buildings are reduced to rubble'." Yet another interesting quote... I'm curious as to why you liked those particular lines?

Well, I gotta go start typing another story, so please, read this and respond okay?


jekan

These song lyrics remind me of the type of music sung by bands like
mud-vein. Though I too believe these are very dark lyrics I think some of the grundge bands would just love it.
Wish you all the best and God bless.

ty missy!!!

Wow!
That's like an alternative version of the Book of Revelations!
Quite dark!
Like Horrifying!
Interesting! :thumbs_up

ty!!!

Alot may say its dark but to be honest its not, its just accurate :I ,,, and if people don't believe that they probably don't watch the news,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sc9108

Alot may say its dark but to be honest its not, its just accurate :I ,,, and if people don't believe that they probably don't watch the news,

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Hmmm... this makes much sense.
It must be so.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sc9108

Alot may say its dark but to be honest its not, its just accurate :I ,,, and if people don't believe that they probably don't watch the news,

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

Hmmm... this makes much sense.
It must be so.

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wow... so true....

Kitsunia... From the Japanese word kitsune meaning fox, right?

Really, care to enlighten me why you are so obsessed with foxes? :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crystalmoonshin

Kitsunia... From the Japanese word kitsune meaning fox, right?

Really, care to enlighten me why you are so obsessed with foxes? :D

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Probably because foxes are sagacious and clever creatures and maybe jekan feels empathy towards them, wants to learn their skills and wants to be like them :D
It's more or less the same that I feel about wolves and dolphins ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

Probably because foxes are sagacious and clever creatures and maybe jekan feels empathy towards them, wants to learn their skills and wants to be like them :D
It's more or less the same that I feel about wolves and dolphins ;)

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by crystalmoonshin

Kitsunia... From the Japanese word kitsune meaning fox, right?

Really, care to enlighten me why you are so obsessed with foxes? :D

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very close, maxi...

and yes, the word "Kitsunia" is derived from the japanese word kitsune...

to answer your question, it is because foxes are sly, manipulative, smart creative, and clever. all of these chracteristics decribe me, so i feel i have the personaltiy of a fox...

What/who have you been cleverly manipulating, you naughty fox-man? :lol::lol::lol:
:thumbs_up I like foxes too, they live with a good attitude! :thumbs_up

I must admit that I find Shippo a truly cute little fox. :thumbs_up

(It's the first time I've encountered someone who admits having the very qualities attributed to foxes, though. :p )

thanx peeps!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jekan blazer

thanx peeps!

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Welcome! ;)
And good luck with the story! :thumbs_up

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

What/who have you been cleverly manipulating, you naughty fox-man? :lol::lol::lol:
:thumbs_up I like foxes too, they live with a good attitude! :thumbs_up

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everyone?:angel: