Lymerick

What would you people say to a, I dont, A LYMERICK!
With the tanka tank and the haiku woo woo I figured a little lymerick action to ease people into poetry and lighten the mood a little would do alot for those late nights and depressing days. Huh? How about it?

There once was a kid from a farm,
Who really loved causing me harm.
He blew up my car,
Which was going too far
And thats when he tore off my arm. :eek:

See! Its funny cuz its sadistic! Black Humor! Yay! Emily, hit me with a good 'rick... :D

Oh no, I suck at these. :p Oh well...

I once met a man with three feet
Whose tap dancing couldn't be beat.
Ten times in a row
The right crushed the left toe,
While the third turned them both to chopped meat.


LoL How's that for graphic? :D

Haha, cool.

I knew you could do it! :)

There once was a man from milwaukee
who impulsively played too much hockey
He never played much
and his skating was such
That he usually sat on the bench talking.

I'll regret posting this later, but I'm bored, and really... what's a limerick thread without something naughty? :D

There once was a girl from Alsace,
Who was quite a rude little lass.
Out with a gent who
Whispered, "What shall I do?"
She turned and replied . . .


































. . . "Fill my glass." ;)

HAH AHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HA H AH AHA H AHA AHAHAHA H H HAH AH AH !!!!!!!1!!!1111!!1ONE ONE!~!!11
That was FUNNY!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS GUNNAH SAY **** MY ***!!!

:rolleyes: My grandfather has a huge yellow book of just dirty limericks. But I'm ashamed to say that one was mine. The baser side of the great Irish literary heritage. :D :D

There once was a little brown rabbit
who fed off the fat of an abbot
his dead body was found
scattered all on the gound
till the police started searching and nabbed it.

There once was a girl called Sally
she lived most her life in an alley
she climbed up a tree
got stung by a bee
and ran all the way to the valley

Its not very good, but well it made me laugh!
Keep smiling...Hannah

Clarabelle snuffed it at five
While playing at rockets with Clive.
Said he, "won't it be fun
to fly up to the sun?. . . . . .

. . . Oh, damn. Why don't they ever survive?"

It's a sign emily, clearly the fate of humans is doomed, especailly children.

Forty-two buckets of lard
Got dumped in the back of my yard.
It's a myst'ry to me
Who the culprit could be,
But then I haven't looked very hard.

Amalgamate kittens with mice --
The result will be ever so nice --
Knead together the fluff
With the rest of the stuff
And then pound it all down once or twice.

It pains me to write this down:
I think I just murdered a clown.
Accident though it was,
I regret it because
I missed seeing him hit the ground.

Hahahaha, clever that last line was.

Twas a little known town
whence came that clown
and terribly sad
is the mom and dad
that he will no longer come 'round.

For he scared all the vermin away,
And kept trick-or-treaters at bay.
"Now that he is gone
They will ruin our lawn,"
Cried bereaved Mother Clown in dismay.

And poor loving clown dad
knew that he had been had
when the casket came
and the bearer was lame
so he found the dead was no lad.

For clown though he was
he loved his fellow 'cuz
and changed his sex
to that of Tess
For she was much easier to luv.

:lol: Hahaha....ah... That's good.

"I suspected it all from day one,"
said Tess's dad to Tess's mum,
"But I don't give a damn
If he's woman or man;
I love my dead gay son!"

(I just wanted to say that. :D)

A nice end to the saga of the gay clown.

Much appreciated. Now I want my eulogy written in limerick, too. :D

In memeory of Tess:

Tess the clown has passed away
he never had that much to say
sorrow was what he faced
and with humour he was laced
but now in heaven he is openly gay.

There once was a forum refined
Where ladies and gents wined and dined
A random hero came
Said let´s start a game
Now it seems we have all have dirty minds.

;-)

Hey, no one told me there was wining and dining. Where's my food, damnit? :p

There's a member named Em on the Forum,
Who, without any proper decorum,
Posts replies way too much,
Leaves not one thread untouched;
But what can I say? I adore 'em. :D

There once was a wee Isagel
who just couldn´t rhyme very well
though she did try her best
she flunked every test
and never did learn how to spell.

AP - with a name somewhat shady
was often confused for a lady
not many believed
such a thing was conceived -
a MAN who thinks intelligent daily!

Geez Isagel,

Complimenting me by insulting the whole of the male sex! I'm flattered - I think!:)

You´re most welcome.

To all those whose words come here to trade
Please view these humble letters displayed
And let it be said
These words would be dead
Had not Isagel bid them be made

:-)

Thank you.

You're most welcome.

AP

Why not join all the rest in the bucket?
If a problem confronts you, just duck it.
Follow your leader,
parasitic feeder;
If the world gets blown up, I say ....

Alex Pope penned a good ditty or two
Like “I am his Highness’ dog at Kew;”
Which he etched on a tag
Beneath which the Great Wag
Wrote this: “Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?”

ooohhhh AP, i love that. i have yet to write a decent limerick, but i truly love yours. neat.

EDIT: not to offend anyone by their exclusion, please.

Thanks VBM!!

Why haven't I found this thread before? I know a million of these. Em, I think my Irish Grandpappy had the same lymerick book that your Irish Grandpappy had.

OK, OK, OK, so most of the lymericks that I know will get me tossed out of this site; but here's one of my favorites, and I think it might make it past the vulgarity police:

there once was a caveman named Ug
who stuck his plug in a jug
He said with a shrug
as he gave it a tug
now ain't that a helluva fug

LMAO Are you sure about that? :D
Now is that a recitation, or is it your own masterpiece? ;)

Not original, got it out of Granpappy’s book.

Here’s an original:

There was a web surfer named Emily
Who could turn out a pretty good simile
She went off to college
To get some more knowledge
And commit some more stuff to her memory

Ouch! What a groaner.

One more:

There once was a lass named Em’
Who web surfed with startling Zen
She’s smarter than Sanch’
Who can’t even dance
Yet this fall they’ll both probably vote Dem’

OK, I’m gonna quit now.

LOL :D I like it! It's almost like they stick to the original idea...how do you do that? ;)

Hah, uhhh, donno. It just came to me; like a flash, like a vision, burnt across my brain.

Pretty much, I was using up all of my brain bytes just thinking of words that rhymed.