Limoncello

OK. I've finally written another. Let me know what you think. All comments will be appreciated.

Limoncello

A rainy evening in April
Brings us out to celebrate
The observance of her bearing,
The kiss on the cheek,
The flick of the light switch,
A scent of her florid perfume
As we pass our glinting threshold.

Unfolding the umbrella,
A heavy fall of spring rain
Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines
As we rush to the car, cold and wet
Another kiss as we settle in with a sigh
I turn the key and headlights gleam,
A Saturday night, a saturnalia of sorts.

An Italian restaurant.
Across at dinner, a quiet corner
We smile and listen, laughter of families,
Ting-a-ling of china and wine bottles
Her luminous face lights the table,
A singer trills Italian songs,
The waiter brings our wine.

A lovely smile, lambent and dark,
Chiaroscuro lips proudly assert,
“I do not look my age.”
My glass of Cabernet licks my tongue
And a thought, do I feel my age,
Having drifted entwined until sunrise
And run three miles in the morning?

Seafood in a marinara sauce
Mussels, shrimp, clams, calamari
Fructi di Mare, over linguine and crushed pepper.
Another glass of Cabernet – Yes –
Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,
Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days;
But, oh, a tuft of grey beneath the dye.

Carrot cheese cake and espresso
With a sliver of lemon peel.
“Would you care for a Sambucca,
Or perhaps a side of Limoncello?”
Limoncello? Yes, a side of Limoncello
Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,
In a conical glass on a stem.

The table, stolidly plane, is now clear
And I stiffen to an alcohol induced buzz
Like a fly entering the cerebellum,
Or is it trying to get out?
The cloudy, chilled liquid, lemon-scented,
Distorts her face as light bends and swerves.

Bending and swerving I fidget childishly
Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Limoncello,
Not truly believing that my conquering heart
Will one day cease to beat against
The darkness of the universe.


edit: I went and corrected the spelling of Limoncello.

There are some really nice images here:

"A heavy fall of spring rain/Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines" (nice initial nod to the wine, as well)

"A lovely smile, lambent and dark,/Chiaroscuro lips proudly assert"

"Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,/Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days"

"Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,/In a conical glass on a stem."

I think that there is some tidying up you could do, snip a couple of bits here and there, prune some of those straggling vines. I'd like to see the poem end on a more vibrant image, and would consider just cropping off the last three lines, leaving as the ending:

"Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Lemoncello"

Leaving on this image would tie you back soundly to the start, nicely closing the door that you opened with "A rainy evening in April." I understand the subtext of the narrator questioning his own mortality and age, but perhaps that could be bolstered in ways other than that exposition at the end.

And I don't like the wordy "The observance of her bearing." In fact, just by slipping in the line (nicely placed, by the way) "I do not look my age" would probably be enough to let us know it's a birthday night out.

Still, nice work.

Hey Virg, lovely poem, I especially love the bits about Italian food, I'm hungry now.

My favorite lines:

Quote:

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A Saturday night, a saturnalia of sorts

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Quote:

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Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,
In a conical glass on a stem.

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Quote:

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The cloudy, chilled liquid, lemon-scented,
Distorts her face as light bends and swerves.

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I'm looking forward to your next. :)

Virgil,

When I saw you'd posted I must admit that I expected to see a formal rhyme-scheme, strict, iambic meter and classical references. I'm not disappointed though, the piece has merit without any of that.

Perhaps a little over-long in its descriptions of food (not a poem to read on an empty stomach!) I agree with Jarndyce about the last verse - although, I'm not sure I would have thought of it by myself, it's one of those now-that-you-mention-it kind of things.

All in all, a good poem but in need of a little trimming IMHO.

The best thing about the poem is that it feels like a real day in another's life becomes the one the reader passes, getting a vivid taste of another's life, like eating at a guest's home, taking in the filling calories like those you'd ingest at home, except with the taste of another's cooking. You sit at the host's table, with your own family at hand, but you all are absorbed with the atmosphere of another's home that has seen its own day. You feel like you're tasting another's recipe for a dish you have tasted many times by a more familiar cook. Know what I mean? jajaja with a dialectical spelling and all that! A familiar feeling of time with feelings impressed on the moments which are feelings carried in a day you may have had yourself - but with the taste of Virgil's experience of it. A very vivid thing to carry the aftertaste of as your focus moves back to your own vantage point of the passing moments.

Thanks all. I really appreciate all your comments. More specifically:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jarndyce

I'd like to see the poem end on a more vibrant image, and would consider just cropping off the last three lines, leaving as the ending:

"Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Lemoncello"

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Jarndyce - You've identified the thing I struggled the most with it. I have considered either altering or deeting the last three lines, but I couldn't bring mysef to cut it or I couldn't come up with anything better. I'll let the poem sit for a while and then consider your suggestion.

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Originally Posted by Xam

All in all, a good poem but in need of a little trimming IMHO.

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Thanks Xam and I think Jarndyce also had a similar comment about wordiness. I don't know. I'm not a believer that minimalism in and of itself makes something better. As long as it's not redundant I don't feel uncomfortable with wordiness.

Thanks to Riesa and Mililalil. Your comment Mil, "A very vivid thing" is the ultimate compliment that can be paid. Everything I write I apply Joseph Conrad's objective: To make the reader see.

I really like the atmosphere you've created here. This poem could have been aptly titled, "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant," a tune by that old master, Billy Joel. The wordiness doesn't overwhelm the poem at all because there's so much to take in, and the lines flow one into another. It's a quick read, I thought. The first two stanzas create the romantic ambience, and lead us right to the food, ahhhh, wonderful food!!! Virgil, you know how to have a good time, I know that much!


A rainy evening in April

A heavy fall of spring rain
Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines

Having drifted entwined until sunrise
And run three miles in the morning?

Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,
Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days;

Rocked to rain and flowers and song,

Will one day seize to beat against
The darkness of the universe.

Subtle and very effective is the mood developed through weaving various images of nature, and the final lines cleverly juxtapose his heart's passion against "the darkness of the universe."


An Italian restaurant.
Across at dinner, a quiet corner
We smile and listen, laughter of families,
Ting-a-ling of china and wine bottles
Her luminous face lights the table,
A singer trills Italian songs,
The waiter brings our wine.
"Ting a ling" is playful yet has a descriptive power and also spices up the stanza some.


This is a great poem, or one I really enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing, Virgil.

I agree with jon1jt that the atmosphere created is wonderful! I like it a lot, Virgil.

Thank you Jon and Pensy.

Jon - I take it then you like those last three lines? It's what I'm struggling with.

Thanks for posting this Virg. I enjoyed it, though I'm glad I've got the fixings for a fetuccine alfredo tonight, because it made me hungry for Italian food (alas, no lemoncello in the house though);). I like the subject of this poem, and I like the way you've presented this Saturday night "saturnalia." I like the little details--the mention of the "glinting threshold," the tulips and the vines of the garden, her "chiaroscuro lips," the descriptions of the food, and the way the lines settle contentedly around that "side of Lemoncello/ Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,/In a conical glass on a stem." I'm also glad to see that both of you feel younger than your years. ;) The poem is a really good description of a night full of love and food and drink and all the good things.

That said, I think there are some places where it could be streamlined a bit. I think you need to either cut, or come up with a more graceful way of saying "the observance of her bearing." It keeps standing out as a cumbersome line to me. I'm also in agreement with whoever suggested to cut the last three lines. Either that or replace them with something new, but I like the idea of ending on the word "lemoncello" in echo of the title. I found the ending both abrupt and confusing the way it stands.
Overall though, an enjoyable poem.

P.S. I just wondered, is "lemoncello" an Italian American spelling or is it a slightly different drink than "limoncello"? The last place I had it was when I was in the Cinque Terre, and I'm sure it was spelled "limoncello" there, but I've seen it with the "e" as well before so I was curious. Any way you spell it it's good stuff--and definately inclined to produce a pleasant buzz in the cerebellum. :)

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Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love

P.S. I just wondered, is "lemoncello" an Italian American spelling or is it a slightly different drink than "limoncello"? The last place I had it was when I was in the Cinque Terre, and I'm sure it was spelled "limoncello" there, but I've seen it with the "e" as well before so I was curious. Any way you spell it it's good stuff--and definately inclined to produce a pleasant buzz in the cerebellum. :)

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Thanks for your comments, Petrarch. They are appreciated. I don't know about the spelling. I just assumed it was spelled that way because that's how it's pronounced. I've got a bottle in my refrigerator, and when I go home tonight I'll go and look. Of course, that will make me want to take a few shots. :D

edit:
Well, on line encyclopedia confirms your spelling. Thanks. I'm still going to dip into that bottle tonight. :D
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limoncello

Bevi bene! :D

Virg---I really like the last stanza, especially the last three lines, which affirms the character's passion. To cut them is equivalent to a castration!! Don't do it!

It was like taking a trip back to Little Italy and the European district of many large cities I have been to. The well to do richness and the smell of good food, the pungent tingle to the nose of the wine, the contentment in the ritual of eating and drinking and living is well captured.I didnt' think it overlong either, having grown up in the restaurant business all thru childhood I know the time it takes to do things right and it is almost like real time.

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Originally Posted by jon1jt

Virg---I really like the last stanza, especially the last three lines, which affirms the character's passion. To cut them is equivalent to a castration!! Don't do it!

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Jon - I won't. I'm too attached to those lines. Although I understand the point that those that want me to delete make.

Thank you Rachel.

Very sensual, I absolutely love the way you've used food and drink to create the atmosphere, didn't make me hungry at all...made me want to go cuddle with my husband.

Only thing that confused me was the comparison to Saturnalia. I tend to equate Saturnalia with winter and servants as master and...well, Horace, lol. Something perhaps a bit more Bacchnallian would suit better?

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Originally Posted by Arethusa

Very sensual, I absolutely love the way you've used food and drink to create the atmosphere, didn't make me hungry at all...made me want to go cuddle with my husband.

Only thing that confused me was the comparison to Saturnalia. I tend to equate Saturnalia with winter and servants as master and...well, Horace, lol. Something perhaps a bit more Bacchnallian would suit better?

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Thanks Arethusa. I went and made sure about the definition of saturnalia. Here's fro M-W:

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saturnalia

Main Entry: sat·ur·na·lia
Pronunciation: "sa-t&r-'nAl-y&, -'nA-lE-&
Function: noun plural but singular or plural in construction
Etymology: Latin, from neuter plural of saturnalis of Saturn, from Saturnus
1 capitalized : the festival of Saturn in ancient Rome beginning on Dec. 17
2 singular, plural saturnalias also saturnalia a : an unrestrained often licentious celebration : ORGY b : EXCESS, EXTRAVAGANCE

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So you're right about the ancient holiday being in winter (are you into the classics or classical history, btw?) but it's evolved meaning fits my context.

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Originally Posted by Virgil

So you're right about the ancient holiday being in winter (are you into the classics or classical history, btw?) but it's evolved meaning fits my context.

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Hey, you learn something everyday. I had no idea about the evolved meaning, thanks Virgil. Of course, stands to reason when you consider the evolutionary meaning of epicurean and stoic I s'pose.

I'm writing an historical novel based on the life of P.V.M. I am so saturated in research on Imperial Rome, Virgil, Horace, Varius, Pollio, Octavian etc. I can probably tell you what color underwear they were wearing on any given day of their lives. :D

At the moment, I'm working on the trip to Brundusium. Horace is so much fun to write!

At any rate, its a wonderful poem, I don't think it drags on at all and the imagery is stunning. I could actually taste and smell the Limoncello, and I've never tasted it before.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arethusa

Hey, you learn something everyday. I had no idea about the evolved meaning, thanks Virgil. Of course, stands to reason when you consider the evolutionary meaning of epicurean and stoic I s'pose.

I'm writing an historical novel based on the life of P.V.M. I am so saturated in research on Imperial Rome, Virgil, Horace, Varius, Pollio, Octavian etc. I can probably tell you what color underwear they were wearing on any given day of their lives. :D

At the moment, I'm working on the trip to Brundusium. Horace is so much fun to write!

At any rate, its a wonderful poem, I don't think it drags on at all and the imagery is stunning. I could actually taste and smell the Limoncello, and I've never tasted it before.

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Thanks again Arethusa. A few years ago I spent a good deal of my personal time learning about Roman history and literature. I am still fascinated by it. They are so much like us and yet so different. I absolutely LOVE Horace's Odes. I've been wanting to post one or two somewhere on lit net for people's appreciation. I kept thinking and associating with him as I was writing this Limoncello poem.

Good luck with your novel. P.V.M.? Is that Publius Vergilius Maro? When your novel gets published, you will have to let me know because I would love to read it.

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Originally Posted by Virgil

Thanks again Arethusa. A few years ago I spent a good deal of my personal time learning about Roman history and literature. I am still fascinated by it. They are so much like us and yet so different. I absolutely LOVE Horace's Odes. I've been wanting to post one or two somewhere on lit net for people's appreciation. I kept thinking and associating with him as I was writing this Limoncello poem.

Good luck with your novel. P.V.M.? Is that Publius Vergilius Maro? When your novel gets published, you will have to let me know because I would love to read it.

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Yeah, Horace is wonderful, but I'm kinda crushing on Ovid at the moment and wishing he were just a bit older at that time. The piece that I'm incorporating into my book right now is actually Horace's Satire I:V Unfortunately, I've yet to find a decent english translation of it, but it is hilariously funny.

Most of my research of late has been centered around Imperial Rome. I did study it more broadly and also took four years of latin in college, unfortunately, while the latin took, I didn't have a full and mature appreciation for the historical at that time. In preparing to read the Aeneid I also had to do a lot of boning up on Greek Mythology, which I enjoyed. Its been an amazing two years of research, I can say that. I've had a thing for Virgil since my first reading of Inferno in AP English class in high school. It wasn't until I actually saw Terracina, Cellole, Brindisi, etc, however, that the inspiration to write a novel about him came to me. Can you believe I've been to Terracina and not tasted Limoncello? I mean, besides fish, tomatoes and bread, that's what they do there! :D Unfortunately, the entire time I was in Italy, I had a tooth infection and was on antibiotics. I did cheat a little, I mean, you have to. Where does one get Limoncello in the US? Anyway, avoidance behavior is my specialty...back to work.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arethusa

Yeah, Horace is wonderful, but I'm kinda crushing on Ovid at the moment and wishing he were just a bit older at that time. The piece that I'm incorporating into my book right now is actually Horace's Satire I:V Unfortunately, I've yet to find a decent english translation of it, but it is hilariously funny.

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I've never read the Satires. Are they good?

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Most of my research of late has been centered around Imperial Rome. I did study it more broadly and also took four years of latin in college, unfortunately, while the latin took, I didn't have a full and mature appreciation for the historical at that time. In preparing to read the Aeneid I also had to do a lot of boning up on Greek Mythology, which I enjoyed. Its been an amazing two years of research, I can say that. I've had a thing for Virgil since my first reading of Inferno in AP English class in high school. It wasn't until I actually saw Terracina, Cellole, Brindisi, etc, however, that the inspiration to write a novel about him came to me. Can you believe I've been to Terracina and not tasted Limoncello? I mean, besides fish, tomatoes and bread, that's what they do there! :D Unfortunately, the entire time I was in Italy, I had a tooth infection and was on antibiotics. I did cheat a little, I mean, you have to. Where does one get Limoncello in the US? Anyway, avoidance behavior is my specialty...back to work.

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I found Limoncello at my local liquor store. I live in NYC. Perhaps it may not be as common where you live. Where do you live?

It sounds like an amazing research. Like I said I would love to read your novel some day.

Horace's Satires, while some are just a huge smooch to Maecenas' bum, are much lighter as they were written, like Virgil's Bucolics, before the heavy hand of the patron interceded, demanding they write for the 'good of the Roman people' :nod: Though not as bawdy as Ovid, he is hysterically funny in a way that is charmingly self-deprecating. His relationship with his father is probably my favorite subject addressed. Horace pays wonderful homage to the freedman who, with every cent he had, paid for his education and accompanied him to school at home and abroad. Being a fan of Virgil yourself, you love the constant little digs he takes at him. All in good fun, mind you, he adored the man.

I live in California, I'm sure I can get Limoncello in L.A. I'm dying to try it now.

As far as the book goes, if I find that there are enough people interested on this site, I might consider posting excerpts for critical input. I'm such a newb here, I have no idea where most interests lie and I'd hate to bore. :D

Well, first let me welcome yoou to lit net. I don't think we had crossed yet on any thread. You seem like you will enjoy this thing. You have piqued my interest in the Satires, so I will pick up a copy when I come across one. Thanks. I think people do post prose works here; it's just when something is rather long it tends not to get read. But if you do I will read it. Send me a PM that you have since sometimes threads fall under the radar screen. When you try Limoncello, let me know what you think.

Thanks for the welcome, Virgil. I will certainly let you know if I post, and your interest is very kind. As soon as I get my hands on the Limoncello, I will let you know.

There are many many versions of Horaces Satires translated on the web, you don't have to buy them to try them. I just prefer to keep my latin lit in latin in my head so that I can recall details accurately. To me, its like watching a spanish language film with the subtitles on, (latina here, spanish is my first language), I tend to lose track of the film and spend a good chunk of it thinking, 'well, that's not what he said at all.' :lol:

Also, many of the translations are missing parts due to the fact that they are on Encyclopedic or research sites available to children. Best way to find out if you're getting a complete translation is to check for Horace's 'dream' in Satire V :nod: Happy reading, hope you enjoy them as much as I do, and thank you again for the nice welcome.

By the way, that is Whitman at his finest, is it not? :D

Genoa Trieste
Napoli Brindisi
Cagliari Salerno
Verona Palermo

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Wood and Etruscans
The debris of days
Spent by the Tuscans
In wine-stupored haze

Marble and sunset
With fire in the hole
White diamonds unset
Contrasting with coal

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Milano Firenze
Messina Bologna
I broke bread with Dante
And washed with ammonia

Torino e Roma
Livorno e Bari
I came a beachcomber
I left in a hurry

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And now I have heard
The town and the city
The old vox urbana
Just fills me with pity

Oops sorry... I just love even thinking about limoncello and latin... perhaps I should shift this poem out to the main forum.

Thanks autolycos. I enjoyed your poem. And since I see you're new, welcome to lit net.

thanks! your poem inspired me!

Italy.

Italian Food.

Uncle Virg.


Make for a perfect combination!

And that verse where you and your wife cuddled to each other on the car is a sweet scene! And also the scene in the (Italian) restaurant...hmmm...

Vivid rainy imagery in the background makes for a sweet and romantic story. :)