Who do you guys think has the funniest quotes.
I'd vote for Douglas Adams.
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Who do you guys think has the funniest quotes.
I'd vote for Douglas Adams.
I'd second that, if you want some really cool quotes check out this site, it's great . . . www.mytheme.com
Dorothy Parker. When she was informed that former President Calvin Coolidge had just died, she quipped: "How could they tell?"
I also love the wit of Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain.
Wilde: "A good friend stabs you in the front."
Twain: "Whenever I get the urge for strenuous exercise, I lay down until the feeling goes away."
What did he say anway?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levenbreech Vor
I second Mark Twain, he is really funny.
Also Woody Allen is way up there on my "funny quote ladder"
Levenbreech Vor
Will Rogers: Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" untill you find a rock.
"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you just found out."
"Rome collapsed because it had a Senate,now whats going to happen to us with a Senate and a House."
"A zebra does not change spots!":lol:
-Al Gore
"OBGYN's out there that can't practice, their, their love with women!":lol:
-W. Bush
"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."
-Arnie
"Thats a good looking mummy! If I were single I would ask that mummy out on a date"
-Clinton
Good times. I just watched a show on the stupidest/funniest quotes ever said.:D
Twain, Wilde, and Churchill - the quotation trifecta.
I agree...Wilde has some of the best quotes ever!
"Then let them execute me in my absence"
Brendan Behan, on being informed that the I.R.A. had sentenced him to death in his absence.
I absolutely adore Oscar Wilde; I find him very funny.
I don't really have a quote that I find the most comical, but for some reason I laughed so hard when a character in The Thee Musketeers said, "Ah! You have killed me!"
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. (Einstein)
"I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore, I must be perfect!"
- Anon
This guy - Anon - well he wins hands down everytime if you ask me!!! He says alot of quirky things throughout the ages....
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.Quote:
Originally Posted by Levenbreech Vor
I do not play cricket because it requires me to assume such indecent postures.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparrow
OSCAR WILDE (fall on your knees....worship the god)
WOODY ALLEN
Here's a genius neglected on this thread-WODEHOUSE, his dialogue is embellished with hysteria-inducing gems.
Was it Oscar Wilde who said 'I can resist everything except temptation'? :)
What about Groucho?
"I never met a man I didn't like, but in your case I'm willing to
make an exception."
Nature has given us two ears, but only one mouth.
- Benjamin Disraeli, Henrietta Temple
"Facts change, but opinions don't."
Walter Cronkite
Quoted by Harry S. Dent, Jr, "The Demographic Cliff", page 227.
'Who loves not wine, woman and song,
He is a fool his whole life long!'
William Makepeace Thackeray, A Credo
"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress .. But I repeat myself." -Mark Twain
More true than ever.
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
-Will Rogers
Don't forget Ambrose Bierce:
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
Back in high school I was a big fan of Ambroce Bierce. I liked his definition of Exile so much I wrote it down in my journal:
EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.
An English sea-captain being asked if he had read "The Exile of Erin," replied: "No, sir, but I should like to anchor on it." Years afterwards, when he had been hanged as a pirate after a career of unparalleled atrocities, the following memorandum was found in the ship's log that he had kept at the time of his reply:
Aug. 3d, 1842. Made a joke on the ex-Isle of Erin. Coldly received. War with the whole world!
I don't remember who said this, excuse me. :) It was a certain public speaker or lecturer and it goes like this:
Many times I noticed people looking at their watches while I was speaking, because they could hardly wait for the speach to end, but once I saw a man not only looking at his watch, but putting it on his ear to cheque if it was working at all.
Timothy Timex.
https://www.google.com.tr/search?q=t...FcMWLAod4jAN8AQuote:
Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
Since Twain, Wilde, and Churchill have already been thoroughly named... how about the surprise entry of Socrates?
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher." A quote applicable to those in any type of relationship :)
This from Stephen King has always tickled me:
I'm the literary equivalent of a big mac and fries.
"A jealous women does better research than FBI"..
Also, this one "Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything".
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? but I just don't remember who said that
It's a good question, but the answer, of course, is Braille. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryLee
“Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”
MARK TWAIN, about Jane Austen