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I like a story that is in essence a puzzle for the reader to figure out. There are plenty of phrases here I can identify as clues - "always pushing," "as if you own the place," "that noise... higher, up and down," "a needle" - and yet I missed it. It must have something to do with drugs, an injection, but I can't figure out who is talking to whom, or what to what. Don't tell me yet. I'm curious if other readers have figured it out or not.
hmm could be several options ... not sure there enough clues to make a final decision though.
A person crying has a voice which goes up and down .........
tonsils?
It seemed like one person was killing the other with an injection of poison. The story probably needs to be longer to get the idea across that the person doing the killing did not want to kill the other one.
One can have very short fiction. Jokes are an example of just how short a story can be and be effective on a reader.
I am a twin ...
Pretty sure I have it now, but still not 100% sure. Much different than what I was thinking at first.
Twins in the womb being aborted.
It was the abortion needle that threw me off. Good, but I'm not sure anyone will "get it" without your subsequent clues.
Ok, maybe it was a fun(?) or useful exercise for you. Fine. But this reader would love to see you get to making art. You seem to be 'on the level.' Why don't you get to it?
J
yeah seriously did not get that ... and not well expressed sorry .... FYI check your facts ... by the time a foetus would be old enough to be having some kind of conversation in the womb a. it would not legal b. would not involve a needle. In fact an abortion never involves a needle. Early abortions use a suction pipe to do a D & C
You're quite right, I was just messing around with ideas
and flash fiction.
It's metaphysical.
Yes but there are still rules to be followed. Even using the most stringent definition of flash fiction as being 300 words or less (although most will say 500 words or less) your story must still have a beginning and a middle and an end. This is where the difficulty comes in. In essence flash fiction is about telling a full story in as few words as possible. Honing your story down to its bones while retaining all the elements of a full length short story.