Printable View
The hum drum beat
of boredom’s galley
never gets to ramming speed—
the hortator is comatose,
lulled from counting sheep.
We dip our oars
in the sluggish sea
where the doldrums seethe, repressed;
same back forward,
same front aft,
and the chains too tired to clink
settle into silence
as all drift.
One of those poems that need to be read aloud. I love the rhythm here, it fits so well.
Always good to read you, Hawkman, and your poem doth speak to me, especially "boredom's galley" on which I seem to be a slave—what'd you expect, on a Friday afternoon in the office with (guess what?) rain outside… read it normally and almost re-counted syllables because I had the impression of a bumpy rythm once or twice. Then I followed Mr Darnay's excellent advice and read it aloud (well, half-aloud as being in the office, surrounded by Gallic co-workers, etc.), and 'tis true that I haven't got anything else to say but: very well done.
The last 3 lines are very good on their own merit. One of your best.
Thanks for breaking the monotony with your excellent poem. I don't know whether it is the incessant rain or just me, it seems that life has got stuck somewhere. Nice read for such times.
CD: Thanks for reading, especially as your read it aloud. Hope you didn't scare anyone. ;) I wonder, can you read aloud without moving your lips :D glad you enjoyed it.
Dieter: thanks for your vote of confidence too :) Hope it's stopped raining in Paris, the weather here is actually rather nice. The sun finally has some warmth in it and the wind has dropped, so we are no longer fanned by polar air. Long may it continue.
cafolini: thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it.
Ripley: Well, it seems that this poem has struck a chord! I'm sorry to hear your only serenade is the back-beat of boredom. That won't do at all, though I sympathise with your feelings about incessant rain. Last year was one long deluge as far as I can recall. Delighted to learn that my poem brightened your day ;) anyway, thanks for reading and enjoying.
Live and be well - H
Being bored is almost a shameful concept to me- there's always so much to do! But I guess we all have been there where we can't seem to help it.
The poem made me think so strongly of this steady beat here that I just needed to post it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHVBtMxAMgQ
Lol! Somehow I don't think that qualifies as a relaxing sound, more a form of torture... That squeak goes right through me!
Live and be well - H
An excellent little poem, H. I think your use of imagery here is highly effective, and some of your turns of phrase are very enjoyable. The lines 'the hortator is comatose' and 'where the doldrums seethe, repressed' stand out with particular force.
Thank you, Loki, for reading and enjoying this piece. I'm delighted that you appreciate this little effort. Not got much time for writing at the moment, so it's nice to know one still has "it". :D
Live and be well - H
Your diction is excellent. I think "sluggish" is a prime example of an adjective that really fits the tone of the poem.
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Live and be well - H
Hi Hawk - Just thought I’d chip in my infrequent twopenneth…
The poem offers us an imaginative take on the idiom ‘being in the doldrums’. It brings to mind Paul Muldoon’s ‘Horse Latitudes’ (Faber, 2006) – another name for the doldrums, as I’m sure you’re aware, as ships caught there would seek to eject ballast overboard, including any unfortunate equines.
The title caught me out as ‘humdrum’ is usually spelt like that – ie. as one word. I presume it’s to allow for the pun on ‘drum beat’, but if so, why is it ‘hum’?
I feel the second line spells things out too obviously, and the personification is weak; cutting the line would benefit the poem in both ways. I’m not sure if the doldrums ‘seethe’ – surely the opposite? But I’m willing to bow to your nautical knowledge, expressed elsewhere in the poem (‘hortator’? – quick Google check on that one!).
My other observation is I think the lines are too short – longer, more ‘sluggish’ lines would be fitting; as others have mentioned, this piece is actually quite rhythmic and pacey, helped by the occasional half-rhymes (‘beat’-‘speed’-‘sheep’ [even ‘galley’]; ‘aft’-‘drift’…). Even the mention of ‘ramming’ suggests an urgency that feels out of place.
However, that said, perhaps the main thing to take from this poem about boredom is that as long as we have an active and creative imagination we should never be bored…
Hi b/v, nice to see you around. Thanks for reading. I hummed and ha'd over the splitting of the word: primarily I did it to slow the pace, but the hum works for me anyway. I agree the second line could be cut with no ill effect.
As for the pace and rhythm - I like it as it is. I think you just have to slow down your reading of the piece. Read aloud, slowly, deliberately, the rhythm works well.
As for the seething doldrums: I once heard boredom described as, "rage spread thin." (a quote from Paul Tillich) It's quite apposite, I think, though it is perhaps a little obscure.
Anyway, thanks again for reading and for your well considered two penneth, much appreciated :D
Live and be well - H
Nothing monotonous about this poem, despite the subject matter. Excellent writing.