Teenage Violence

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Threatened with a knife by a 14-year-old girl - it could be a disturbing headline from any national newspaper. But what if it happened in your own home and the teenager wielding the weapon was your own daughter?

Parents are regularly being threatened, abused, even beaten up by their own children, says a UK parental guidance charity. Many have reached the point where they are afraid to be left alone in the house with them.

ONE MOTHER'S STORY

One minute we can be sitting down watching television, the next [my 14-year-old daughter] flies out of her seat, switches off the telly and launches into a torrent of abuse. She calls me names like 'cow' or '*****'. She's trashed the house several times and has even hit me and her younger brother and sister. When she's calm, she's a loving, lovely girl. But I am always treading on eggshells, frightened of her and at my wits' end. It's like living with an abusive partner - I just don't know what to do next.

New figures from Parentline Plus reveal its helpline received three calls a day on average last year from parents suffering verbal or physical abuse. For some it has been going on for years. ...

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8366113.stm

Is it true that teenagers are becoming more violent?

Jeez, that story is quite shocking. Being a teen myself I could never imagine hitting either my mom or dad. I suppose it doesn't depend on age, but rather on reluctance to get help. As the article says, it seems taboo for parents to call for help when being abused by their child, for them it's humiliating and embarressing. The same situation can occur when parents have a problem; my dad is an ex-alcoholic and still has major anger issues to this day and I usually feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. He is far too proud to want to consult a therapist or somehting of the like, and thus leaves the problem unresolved.

The end result is that the main source and continuation of domestic abuse, arises out of somebody's reluctance to deal with the issue. In this articles situaiton it's the social taboo that makes these poor parents reluctant to call for help. And I can't blame them.

Anyway, those kids must seriously have some kind of psychological issues. I had no idea that this kind of thing was happening. I've felt so guilty for quite a while over the tough times I've had with my mom, but never did our conflicts ever result in anywhere close to the things in the article. Rather, I feel like she may have discouraged me too much, because now I can only think lowly of myself.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8366113.stm

Is it true that teenagers are becoming more violent?

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I take it that the question is meant to be rhetorical.

I think we're more aware of violence these days rather than it is more prevalent. Brian's golden age never really existed.(I take it that's what your coment implied Brian). It was just shoved under the carpet, or the people involved didn't matter. I used to hear he same thing said about teens in the 70s.

The problem is teens didn't exist until the 50's(?), and so they weren't singled out as a group.

Look at any social history and you'll see violence. I remember reading about a 9 year old boy who kept a mistress and drank etc in the 19th C. In my opinion it's not a modern phenomena - we just have the media coverage to hear about it.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

I think we're more aware of violence these days rather than it is more prevalent. Brian's golden age never really existed.(I take it that's what your coment implied Brian). It was just shoved under the carpet, or the people involved didn't matter. I used to hear he same thing said about teens in the 70s.

The problem is teens didn't exist until the 50's(?), and so they weren't singled out as a group.

Look at any social history and you'll see violence. I remember reading about a 9 year old boy who kept a mistress and drank etc in the 19th C. In my opinion it's not a modern phenomena - we just have the media coverage to hear about it.

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You are right, it is not a modern phenomenon but not adequately dealing with it ( as at present ) certainly is.

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ONE MOTHER'S STORY

One minute we can be sitting down watching television, the next [my 14-year-old daughter] flies out of her seat, switches off the telly and launches into a torrent of abuse. She calls me names like 'cow' or '*****'. She's trashed the house several times and has even hit me and her younger brother and sister. When she's calm, she's a loving, lovely girl. But I am always treading on eggshells, frightened of her and at my wits' end. It's like living with an abusive partner - I just don't know what to do next.

New figures from Parentline Plus reveal its helpline received three calls a day on average last year from parents suffering verbal or physical abuse. For some it has been going on for years. ...

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I'd say that in the vast majority of cases that this is the parents poor parenting that has caused such behaviour. I'm not saying that this is always the case, but the majority of situations are in my experience. If parents don't set boundaries from an early stage then they will come to reap the rewards of that in later life, and in some cases it will be too late.

I heard somewhere recently that there was a time when children didn't know their rights - had absolutely no idea about them but they knew very well the about the consequences of their actions, which instilled a personal sense of responsibility.

Now children know more about their rights than parents but have far less responsibility, which has instilled a sense of entitlement.

I think the foundation has to be properly laid. If there are bricks missing, it is difficult to try and correct once so much other stuff has been built and the structure is in danger of collapse. It is ironic since parenting is a work in progress and it has its fashions. Children are small versions of adults now and we are supposed to treat them as such. We reap the consequences of social pressure to give and give and give in the name of keeping the child happy and then more to distract them while we try to have personal time. Parenting is now reactive rather than responsive. I don't have evidence of this - just my view.

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Originally Posted by Brian Bean

You are right, it is not a modern phenomenon but not adequately dealing with it ( as at present ) certainly is.

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I agree with you Brian. Its a difficult question complicated by local conditions, families etc.

A woman who lived near us had just this problem with her son, and it was certainly the fault of both his parents. It's very sad, and as Neely said, it was a lack of very early boundary setting compounded by alcoholism and some odd attitudes that were inculcated in the kids.

In a different sphere, on the estate where I grew up, some of the families there are clearly fully immersed in the drug culture which has repercussions for the kids. Its a bit like the estate in the kidnap case in Dewsbury the other year. No wonder the teens are violent.

Wow. I knew some kids were screwed up, but I didn't know they were THAT bad. I would tend to agree with Delta. Kids have to know their rights and the limits of those rights. During my earlier teenage years I cracked heads with my folks, but even though I never consciously thought of getting violent I knew my dad would smack the **** out of me if it ever came to that. This is indeed an age of entitlement though.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Is it true that teenagers are becoming more violent?

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This is most of the answer:

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Look at any social history and you'll see violence. I remember reading about a 9 year old boy who kept a mistress and drank etc in the 19th C. In my opinion it's not a modern phenomena - we just have the media coverage to hear about it.

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But I think it does miss a point that there is also a higher prevalance of violence and the perpetrators are getting younger.

Less war = more violence at home.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

I think we're more aware of violence these days rather than it is more prevalent. Brian's golden age never really existed.(I take it that's what your coment implied Brian). It was just shoved under the carpet, or the people involved didn't matter. I used to hear he same thing said about teens in the 70s.

The problem is teens didn't exist until the 50's(?), and so they weren't singled out as a group.

Look at any social history and you'll see violence. I remember reading about a 9 year old boy who kept a mistress and drank etc in the 19th C. In my opinion it's not a modern phenomena - we just have the media coverage to hear about it.

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I also think Paul hit this on the head - no pun on the violence intended ;) I think these things go in cycles and depend on time and place. Teen violence has actually come down in New York City since i was a teen thirty years ago, but that certainly can't be said for every place in the US. In fact i was recently reading how bad it has gotten in Chicago. Why the fluctuations? I have no idea. Probably specific reasons for every time and place. The root of the problem I believe has to do with the upbringing, how children are socialized. Now that's a vague term and I don't claim to be an expert, so I'll just leave it at that.

This reminds me of another shocking story from a couple weeks ago here in Montreal. This group of teenagers were heckling/harassing a passing woman on the street, and a 23 year old man stepped in to put a stop to it. The group of teens beat him with rocks and put him in the hospital.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/st...an-beaten.html

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Originally Posted by Neely

I'd say that in the vast majority of cases that this is the parents poor parenting that has caused such behaviour.

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Yes. But isn't the root of the problem for many of us the poor parenting experienced by our parents in their childhood?

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Now children know more about their rights than parents but have far less responsibility, which has instilled a sense of entitlement.

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Children should know about their rights as long as they know what they are really about. It has been emphasised that feeling of entitlement is rather common but are we all entitled to everything? Should we be?

We have done a great job at passing across the message that children have rights but it seems like we are failing at making our children understand that they have responsibilities and, as parents, we have entitlements too.

It is great to be aware of our rights but we really need to have a clear understanding of what these involve.

This reminds me an incident that happened in one of my classes. I have a dyslexic student, who is usually very hardworking and has no problem completing the tasks set for her. During a chat one day, I mentioned that during exams, she would be entitled to have some extra time to compensate for her dyslexia. Following couple of weeks, I noticed that she was not working as hard as she used to, leaving her tasks unfinished etc; so, one day, when she was chatting with others instead of working on her task, I quietly "encouraged" her to carry on with her task and try to finish it before the end of the class. She turned around and said, "But you told me I would be entitled extra time!"

As I said, it is great to know our rights but the limits/boundaries should be set very clearly.

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Originally Posted by Gladys

Yes. But isn't the root of the problem for many of us the poor parenting experienced by our parents in their childhood?

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Yep. We reap what we sow.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Children should know about their rights as long as they know what they are really about. It has been emphasised that feeling of entitlement is rather common but are we all entitled to everything? Should we be?

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Bravo!

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

We have done a great job at passing across the message that children have rights but it seems like we are failing at making our children understand that they have responsibilities and, as parents, we have entitlements too.

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I'd be letting an ironic laugh out at this one, were it not so disappointingly true.

People complain about today's youth need to wait for another 10-15 years and see what we're about to unleash onto an unsuspecting world.

Echoing Gladys, if today's problem are the problems of yesterday's parents, these kids who have never learnt responsibility never will, and they're passing it on to their kids.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

As I said, it is great to know our rights but the limits/boundaries should be set very clearly.

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I shudder at seeing how kids are brought up without boundaries. I almost feel guilty at times, expecting my kids to be able to behave and live within set guidelines, being a kid-Nazi compared to the laissez-faire attitude of just about every other parent.

Just don't get me started on commercialism....

:D