Would You??

I currently live 1000 miles from my family. My initial reaction is to say I wouldn't worry about the distance but after thinking about it I currently only see them about twice a year if I moved to the other side of the world that would probably cut down a bit. But if it's a really good gig in a really good place I would go. no maximum distance.

If you really excited to go on vacation to a certain place and your significant other didn't really want to go would you talk them in to going, would you go without them, or would you not go?

I would not go alone if I could not talk them into coming but if it was a family vacation or sonething planned with other people I would go without my significant other if they really didn't want to.

If your significant had a hobby or interest that you never really cared for would you try to get into it to participate in it with them or would you do your own thing while they were involved with it?

I might, yes, probably. My father grew up an avid sports fan and athlete, and came from a background where nothing to do with the arts or with the exploration of delicate or refined feelings existed. When he met my mother, out of love for her, he gradually learned about the ballet, which is her great passion. At first and for a long time, just getting him to sit there and watch it was a struggle, but he eventually came to love it just as she does. Now, if, on the other hand, I fell for a gal who was into NASCAR, we might have a problem.

If they ever legalize a "peaceful pill," a suicide pill which causes you to simply fall asleep, never to wake up, would you take it at some point?

Yes. But I don't necessarily need a pill to be legalized. I could do the same thing with sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey.

Would you go to the movies alone?

If I still went to the movies, yes, I used to do it all the time. As it stands, I haven't been inside a movie theater in at least ten years. iTunes and Netflix, baby, that's the way to do it.

If, as I did today, you used the facilities and produced a stench sufficient to peel the paint off the walls--and I mean in a building three miles away--would you go so far as to clean the entire bathroom, including mopping the floor with bleach, as I did?

Nope. I'd, as I did today, leave it floating around in there for others to enjoy, as I did. (Had a Leopold Bloom thing going on)

Would you give a sucker an even break in a friendly, low-stakes game of Texas Hold 'em?

If I knew how to play Texas Hold 'em, or any other variety of poker, I still wouldn't.

If you'd built a fire in your wood stove and it was a real loser, just wouldn't burn despite a good deal of fiddling, would you stoically accept your defeat, utter an expletive, and toast yourself another bagel?

Nope. I'd squirt at good deal of liquid accelerant on it, and then stand back and enjoy the fire (and a toasted bagel) while contemplating my new life without eyebrows.

(Safety's for sissies)

If a panhandler walked up to you on the street and delivered a really good spiel; I mean a story that is clearly BS but is nonetheless well performed, earnestly, would you fork over some spare change, or would you tell him to hit the bricks?

Because I am a New Yorker, I wouldn't stop at telling him to hit the bricks, I'd ask him to tell his mother that while she was good, I'd had better.

Having lost your eyebrows, Sancho, would you shave off the remaining hair on your person and go for that THX-1138, post-modern man look?

No way, man. If I were to shave all the hairs offa my entire personage, how am I supposed to keep my socks from falling down?

If you could, would you chuck wood, like a woodchuck would?

Intercourse that. I'd kill the woodchuck, gather his remaining three pieces of chucked wood, and do a dance on Main Street declaring "It's three! That's how much sodding wood a woodchuck can chuck! Now bugger off, the lot of ya!"

Would you marry me, Sancho?

BAH-hahaha

No. But it's not you, TC. It's me. I must be moving on now, 'cos I'm free, like a bird.
Hell yeah! Play some Scynyrd, man!

If there were a pill you could take that would smooth down all of your rough edges, would you take it? Oh, and this pill doesn't just smooth those edges down, it obliterates them. It will make you the smartest person in the room, also the richest, best-looking, most successful, most popular, etc etc. But here's the catch: you wouldn't really be all of those things, you'd just think you were, totally, for the rest of your life. You'd have a really good life - in your head. But to everybody else you'd just be some schlub driving a twenty year-old, broken-down Toyota Corolla and living in a double-wide.

So, would you take it?

No, but considering how many people appear to have taken that pill, one assumes it already exists. And don't be dissin' the Corolla, that was my first car. And don't quote Freebird, neither, 'less you can play that whole guitar solo *and* live in a double wide.

If you were a national bird, what kind of bird would you be? And don't get cute.

I would be a bluejay because I like the color and I'm a baseball team mascot.

If your rent payment decreased by $500 would you say something?

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking, if my landlord lowered my rent by $500, would I say something? And say something to whom, the landlord? If this is what you mean, I would probably say something to the landlord just to make sure I didn't end up owing a ton of back rent or getting evicted. And if the landlord said no, the rent is just lower now, I'd take the money, go to Scandinavia and hunt for twin hotties named Inga and Ingrid.

If you discovered that eating huge salads made you fart in a way that could be used to extract confessions from suspected terrorists, would you continue eating large salads, whether or not you went to work for Homeland Security?