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Flaccid: perjoratively limp. Although spinach can be acceptably 'wilted' and it's perfectly neutral for a jaw or a rope to be 'slack' and everyone approves of a 'relaxed' joint of beef and most of us would feel sympathy for a 'debilitated' companion, there's absolutely no way of using 'flaccid' that doesn't carry overtones of contempt or ridicule. It's an attitudinally unambiguous adjective.
geranium
An old German
plastic
plastic: a manmade material that will outlast Man. I'm not talking here about just this civilisation, or even this epoch - but humanity itself. Plastic artefacts will survive until the marmosets have evolved and built cities and invented archaeology, at which point they will discover the Barbie doll my daughter lost in our compost heap last week, and they'll base their entire view of our species on the fact that we all must have walked very strangely with feet that small and tits that big.
the Arctic
the Arctic The great white north which always gets blamed for winter weather, when it's there in the summer also and not much warmer
Tropics
Those places where the temperature is so high everybody complains, then heat their houses to the same level in the winter, when it is "Lovely and Warm".
Stratosphere
Stratosphere Brand name for a line of crystal balls used by fortune tellers to make their fortune
Prophet
Prophet - bloke who foretells a future that he won't be around to be asked about.
jazz
A form of music that is spoken about by the pretentious, listened to by the enthusiast and played by the creative genius.
prestidigitation
Prestidigitation: Tricky dexterity
Insurance
Insurance The fine art of stacking the deck in your favor
Alibi
Pretending that you are whiter than white by saying that you weren't there.
dwarf
dwarf: a person with a condition that restricts their height, and heightens their restrictions.
People with dwarfism act as a kind of litmus for attitudes towards differentness. They confuse most people, who can't work out whether or not a small person is disabled, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing for them to make a living in professions that embrace their condition (acting, clowning, being thrown at skittles strapped to a skateboard) and how to refer to the condition when meeting a dwarf at a party. There are few sights more entertaining to behold than a standard-size person agonising over whether to come to the aid of a short person who can't reach a copy of Playboy on the top shelf at the corner shop.
cowardice
A word projected at people who have the bottle, nerve and courage to do something that everybody else thinks is desirable, such as trying to wipe out the human race.
geriatric
geriatric Of or pertaining to people who have been unlucky enough to live for a very long time in a fast changing world, where all they can do is reminisce on "the good old days"
Vegetarian
Vegetarian: one who wishes to prevent cows
snapdragon
Snap-dragon: Welsh slang. A mother-in-law.
precipitation
precipitation: Rain. Sleet. Snow. Fog. Fret. Mist. Drizzle. Mizzle. Spit. Hail. Dew. Features of a British summer.
Money.
Money- Originally written as MoNey. The full term is More Neytiri. This is something Avatar fans all over the world say to show their love and affection for the female protagonist of the film.
"Did you like Avatar?"
"Yeah, but I wish they had MoNey."
Caddie.
A man who talks a great deal about golf, is full of advice, knowledge, skill, experience and wisdom, yet makes a living carrying the bags of those who are too lazy. He is in danger of being replaced by a buggy, which does not consume vast quantities of whisky, expects you to make your own decisions, and thus will not be expected to take the blame when it all goes pear-shaped. Also, a rusting tin container for keeping tea-bags in.
Elephantine
Elephantine Birth defect that causes the nose to grow long and the ears to grow huge, not to mention the tendency to become overweight in your middle years
Politically Correct
Politically Correct: When one is politically correct they have said a true statement about politics.
"Obama is now president."
"Yes, that is politically correct."
and
"Proposition eight passed."
"Unfortunately, you are politically correct."
Pray allow me to put my own definition on the last term, as well as continue the game:
Politically Correct To speak in a manner that should offend no one, but will confuse everyone as to what you actually mean
Language
language: a complete impediment to understanding
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siren
Siren- A very attractive woman who leads a guy on, uses him, then leaves him high and dry.
"Whoa, check her out."
"Don't even, brov. Did you hear what she said to Brian? She sounds like a total Siren."
Guitar.
An instrument, which, in the wrong hands, is largely one of torture.
Concrete
Concrete A type of shoe worn mainly by those who have fell afoul of organized crime families
Blasphemy
Blasphemy: Disagreeing with somebody who can no longer resort to call you a fool, illiterate, uneducated or a heathen.
Reverend
Reverend Title given to men who claim to be selected of God, God sometimes denying any connection whatsoever for blushing shame at their antics
Holy
The state of the average clergyman's socks, stipends being as low as they are, only a few thousand a year more than most people in the parish.
Bishop
Bishop: a high order in the Church of England. Since the controversial ordination of women to this elevated office, there has been amongst the general congregation a marked increase in the practice of bashing the bishop.
pestilence
Pestilence - those times of the year when churchgoers resolve not to be a nuisance.
shark
Shark: Predatory fish that is the proof of the existence of God. What possible evolutionary advantage can there be in having a fin that means people can see you coming a mile off? Obviously the Almighty put it there to give his favourite primates a fighting chance.
mushroom
Bijou residence for small creature with Big Ears, red hat and scruffy beard, whom even the council could not house.
Yorkshire.
Yorkshire: see mushroom
fountain pen
A device used by accountants, lawyers et al to make you think that they are above you, and anyway, it won't go through to the carbon paper underneath, thus facilitating fiddles.
novelist
novelist One who assails the ears through the printed page with a story not quite long enough to fill a book, but too long to classify it as a short story
Prison
Prison: A concept similar to a wine cellar, wherein vice and villainy are honed and matured by the passage of time into a truly remarkable vintage.
Thunder
The name added to words like Cat. Bolt, Chief and many others to make mediocre machinery sound better than it is.
plaque
Plaque : The raison d'etre of dental hygenists, vibrating toothbrushes and minty mouthwash. The person who discovered it can expect to have a circular blue sign nailed to the place of his birth in his honour.
Receipt.
Receipt; proof of payment. You can never find the ones you need, but the one you have bears no relation to any memory of the transaction recorded, as you try to explain to your wife, who understandably reckons that if there's a receipt for a meal for two at Jamie Oliver's '15' in your jeans pocket, then you must have been there at some point and if it wasn't with her then who the f*ck was it with?
Pluck