A courageous start to the next round and the new year. Thanks Pen. :) And now I expect all the rest of you poets to get tapping!
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A courageous start to the next round and the new year. Thanks Pen. :) And now I expect all the rest of you poets to get tapping!
It's bloody hard being first, I don't know about being green... http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...XL._AA240_.jpg
This is how we begin, with light in our eyes,
A hand, a tree, a house and the sky,
This is the sun, and those are the stars
Scoring the sky in blue and gold bars.
This is the earth, where the mountains stand,
Tall as soldiers in a Crayola green land,
And this is you: your face, your hands, your feet,
And if you listen closely, you can hear your heartbeat.
These are the years of feigned nonchalance. In December, I was swept up by a whirlwind of scattered paper, and the wind and rain blurred the black lines into an unreadable mess. I didn’t mind the least. In a bizarre frenzy, I collected aphorisms by the dozen: happiness is the key to success, live every day as if it were your last… and filed them away in alphabetical order. They rotted in the bottom of my drawer, grey-green with mildew, and when I touched one, it crumbled into dust. He called and said he forgot, that he could not make it, and again, I told him it did not matter. I wished I were an oak tree- anything that was warm and solid and still; I wished I did not have paper-white skin, and I wished that my heart was not made of ice. But I didn’t really care about all that. I just dreamed of simplicity again.
This is how you begin: a hand, the stars and the sky,
But in the end, it all just passes by.
So you wait, yearning for the cloudless truth
that you left behind in the vivid colours of your youth.
Hoorah for Schadenfreude! Hopefully this will start a trend for submitting entries. Since we know have two, and thus the absolute minimum to enable competition, I'm setting a deadline for midnight, Pacific Standard time on January 31st. Hopefully we'll get some other submissions by then, but otherwise I've already got enough of a job cut out for me chosing between the two fine entries we already have. :)
Pathetic to have a contest and only two have the courage to enter... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...mKane/read.gif
Bump!
Apologies to my brave participants, Pen and schadenfreude, for not getting to the judging sooner. Life has been more than usually hectic the last week or so. At any rate, I now am in fuller health and able to turn my attentions to judging the two wonderful entries we've received for this round:
Pen--I liked the choice of a battle account as subject for this form. It lent itself well to both the formality of the rhyme and the more matter-of-fact style of prose. I also think you did a really good job of using the prose section to express a moment of pause in the action when he's sizing up the opponent. It's like the effect of a well done slow-mo shot in a film when you get a break to take in the set up: who is who and what is what. I also like the end lines, bringing the story back to the present as though the warrior himself were in front of us. The only thing I would change is that I don't like the antiquated "doth" in the penultimate line. The rest of your diction has an old fashion feel without being actually out of date, but that word jumps out.
Schadenfreude--I really enjoyed the imagery of this poem: the crayon-like colours and the childish drawing worked well. The line "this is how we begin" is wonderful and works well with the description that follows. Your language is simple but evocative. Parts of this poem really conjured the opening credits of the film, To Kill a Mockingbird, for me, and I imagine that you are going for a similar sense of innocence connected with childhood drawing in juxtoposition to a loss of innocence alluded to in the poem. My only problem reading this poem is that I get a feeling of what you're trying to convey but not a good idea of what sort of story exactly is being told. Is the drawing metaphorical or a significant real memory? Is this person dealing with a break-up or just growing up? While ambiguity can be a good thing in poetry, I feel that perhaps you are being too ambiguous with your reader, leaving him or her with little to hang a hat on. We know that this person is contrasting an innocent childhood period with "years of feigned nonchalance," but we don't really have a sense of why things have changed or why this is significant. It might only take a few deftly placed concrete details to pull this together, but I think you need that. You have some great lines here, just wish there was a little more logical structure to fit them into.
So, we have a compelling story and a nicely crafted mood piece, and I nearly had to flip a coin to decide the winner, but I've decided to go with PENDRAGON!
Congrats Pen. With such a fearsome poem on your side I'm sure you'll have no trouble rounding up more participants for the next round than I did for this one. :D
Thank you Petra, and good poem, Schadenfreude! You were at least not frightened off by the challange of the form, which was a dandy!
I always thought that if it came back to me, I would impose a villanelle upon you, the form for which you always compliment me. It is a 19 line French form, broken into 5 tercets and a quadtrain. The first and third line are very important for they must repeat throughout the poem.
Rhyme is lines 1 and 3 of each tercet. The center lines all rhyme with each other. In the quadtrain, lines 1,3,4 will rhyme, while line 2 will rhyme with the center lines. I give you this sample poem to go by:
Dirge III
In all that I have ever been a shadow always blots the sunshine—
could grow a garden if my tears did not contain the taint of salt.
Somewhere out there, there has to be a life, a purpose I can call mine…
The years roll on by. Like the prisoner in his cell I just mark off the time—
Someone will always be there to remind me anyway that it’s all my fault.
In all that I have ever been a shadow always blots the sunshine—
The cold seeps in to my body, and I remember all the days of auld lang sine—
Don’t feel so sorry for yourself, get out and do something, I know I ought—
Somewhere out there, there has to be a life, a purpose I can call mine…
Well, I would probably have turned to drinking but I know cold comfort in the wine—
It’s just killing yourself slowly, drowning in the depths of a battle never fought.
In all that I have ever been a shadow always blots the sunshine—
People ask me how I am and so I lie again and tell them that I’m doing fine—
Then I’m praying, “God forgive, I know that I’m not living as I ought!”
Somewhere out there, there has to be a life, a purpose I can call mine…
They tell me to take a brighter look at things, but all I see is just a waste of time,
I’m no God, I’m no magician, and I can’t make it all better with a thought—
In all that I have ever been a shadow always blots the sunshine—
But somewhere out there, there has to be a life, a purpose I can call mine…
Pendragon
When I get a few entries, we'll set a due date! Good Luck! :)
Perhaps I should change that to "if I get any entries." That's the problem with me winning, I almost always start the flood with the first poem. Who will start my constest? :( :( :(
Congratulations, Pendragon!
And thank you for your comments Petrach, and I'm glad that you are in better health now.
I will make an attempt at your villanelle as soon as I can think of something to write!
Me. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Glad ur having villanelles for this round. Gives me a chance to write one. Always thought they're interesting. So here's my shot at it. Not as good as your ones, O Master of Villanelles, but this will have to do. :p
The Naive Noesis
If only we had time enough to serve the trivialities!
There’s more to life than in researches found:
The simple geometry of clouds, the sciences in the seas--
All demand a ceaseless hymn, humble poetries
Or, leastways, an amazed gaze -- silent and sound…
If only we had time enough to serve the trivialities!
The postures of war, the secrets of peace
Give no life, leave no vibe, to hound
The simple geometry of clouds, the sciences in the seas.
The world begets, the world forgets. We forget our histories,
And nod it is only gravity for which the earth is round.
If only we had time enough to serve the trivialities,
If only we could see the earth beyond its chemistries,
We’d see things that are, and furthermore astound:
The simple geometry of clouds, the sciences in the seas.
If only we had eyes enough to see the world with ease,
While crowds of data-dissertations mound…
If only we had time enough to serve the trivialities--
The simple geometry of clouds, the sciences in the seas!
um...I'll try, if I can think of anything. It'll be lame...
Wonderful begining , Sy. Can you come up with a title? Beautiful use of the form! She showed you the way people, now follow suit! http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/...s/00020078.gif
Added one. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Hope this serves as a starter if nothing else. :p C'mon fellas!
Hi, i was just wondering if i could join in with this contest?
Of course u can. :) Check out post #328 by Pendragon, and u'll get the form for this round. Then cook up a villanelle and hop in! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by astrophysical
Welcome to LitNet, astro (cool username. i'm obsessed with astrophysics, by the way!). :D
Bumpity-bump-bump-bump--
bump-bump dah-dump-a bump, yeah!
dah-dah-dah-dah-BUMP!
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ilies/Grin.gif
this is my first try at a villanelle, so it's quite lame. I hope it's not too late. Here goes:
Villanelle to a Dutch Summer:
As the wind skips by in a mellifluous daze,
Summers sun burns, an ember in the sky, the whole
while, clover fields melt into an amythest haze.
Ripe fruits plummet to the ground in this seasonal phase,
Where days are slow and belladonna-nights are black as coal,
As the wind skips by in a mellifluous daze.
Flowers open their lid-like petals to turn and gaze,
Upon the heat which rises like a lonely soul,
While clover fields melt into an amythest haze.
Bumble bees buzz around pink buds in a frenzied craze,
Thin tapering strands waver, each like a new-born foal
As the wind skips by in a mellifluous daze.
Fragrant lemongrass grows sweet where those young foals graze,
The sodium sun bakes the ground hard under the foots sole
While clover fields melt into an amythest haze.
Leaves patter into the lake where the donkey brays,
That delicate admirals fleet lost to the mules water-hole
As the wind skips by in a mellifluous daze,
and clover fields melt into an amythest haze.
Not too late Astro, as I have set a date for closing, since I only have two entries. I would like at least one more, before calling it a contest. Come on guys. I have two very good starters. So get out there and write! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ilies/Wine.gif
Missing
Please help me, have you seen my son?
He was right here only a second ago.
I turned for just a moment and he was gone.
We were on our way to the park for some fun
I had him by the hand, and he let go.
Please help me, have you seen my son?
It’s all my fault, oh what have I done?
My boy, he’s only 4 years old you know,
I turned for just a moment and he was gone.
He was wearing trousers with pockets on
the knee, and a t-shirt egg yolk yellow.
Please help me, have you seen my son?
He’d asked me if it was okay to run
I said not to wander, I told him so.
I turned for just a moment and he was gone
Has anyone seen him, please help me, anyone?
No wait…excuse me…are you listening, hello?
Please help me, have you seen my son?
I turned for just a moment and he was gone.
Three. Alright! We're in business! How about a March 17th close? I'll post the winner on the 18th. That gives a lot of time, but villanelle's aren't easy to write and I want to give everyone a chance. Go poets! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...milies/Yes.gif
Thank you Pen. I really want to try this. Those so far are sooo good. This will be a real challenge that I may not make. March 17th is great.
Okay, Pen, you asked me to enter this, so here goes. (I'm relieved I already had one on file.)
A Villanelle
Is the Universe to blame when it's we who fail
To fathom the sea between soon and never?
Our lives are tiny ships, tossed and shifting in a gale.
We chalk up routes to chance, seldom clear, always pale,
And balk at checking the compass of our befogged endeavor.
Is the Universe to blame when it's we who fail?
Neither earnest nor sly intent puffs up a luckless sail.
When God cleaves to the meek, then God help the merely clever.
Our lives are tiny ships, tossed and shifting in a gale.
Fair skies draw our praise, yet against ill winds we rail,
Cursing the moorings which tide and time must sever.
Is the Universe to blame when it's we who fail?
A small scope seeks room to weaken the cosmic scale.
God or man or ignorant Fate: who pulls the lever?
Our lives are tiny ships, tossed and shifting in a gale.
The spirit sends an S.O.S., a shrill m'aidez to wail.
Will hope loom like a lighthouse beacon, ever?
Is the Universe to blame when it's we who fail?
Our lives are tiny ships, tossed and shifting in a gale.
-
"We progress!" As Holmes once said to Watson! :nod:
Reel of Options
Chance has a cause to desert its ways and viscerally forswear,
Particularly if our past mistakes once wantonly observed
A life that's culminated in the keys of Destiny fair.
The challenge of reformation, propitious only dare,
Standard remedy ensures, swiftl Justice may be served.
Chance has a cause to desert its ways and viscerally forswear.
Review the duration of causations, alluring with fanfare.
Engaging in absolved affairs, reaping as deserved
A life that's culminated in the keys of Destiny fair.
Tedium lapses unfocussed excesses tnat yet wear
And Opportunity gives us leave forget those faults conserved.
Chance has a cause to desert its ways and viscerally forswear.
Fortune having loosed its hold on Random's accumulating square
Is testing on its twin Due Course, refined yet unnerved,
A life that's culminated in the keys of Destiny fair.
The ultimate consideration, reasoned and aware;
Adroit the prime avenue dispatched. heavy and reserved.
Chance has a cause to desert its ways and viscerally forswear.
A life that's culminated in the keys of Destiny fair.
More poems, anyone?
Here's an entry from a newbie!
Damned Watch
Time is a hostage, held captive on my wrist.
I let time rule me, it's oppression skintight.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
My grief runs bone deep for the chances I've missed,
This truth has come through the eyes of wise hindsight,
Time is a hostage held captive on my wrist.
Time's heart broke at the moment of my first kiss,
I still loved him when I lost him to time's wild fight.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
The years have all gone, time's high cost I resist,
My youth is long dead, all mist in the moonlight.
Time is a hostage, held captive on my wrist.
Attacking time through my life I now insist
Was a vain, wasted battle, I'm now contrite.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
I stare hell in the eye, God's help I enlist.
The hours are waning, my death's in the limelight.
Time is a hostage, held captive on my wrist.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
poetjo
Newbies always wlecome. poetjo! http://www.desktopsmiley.com/dl/34995410/f/1356979.gif
The old clock is ticking now people! Get those poems in! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ane/eyes_1.gif
theres still time, yay!
i really wanna try my hand at this one too.
here we go, fixed it up.
does he remain
when i am absent?
so grotesque, this man
his eyes,
allways gazing
with stupid look on his face,
staring at me as
if i`m the one
trapped inside
trapped inside
if i`m the one
staring at me as
with a stupid look on his face
allways gazing,
his eyes
this man,so grotesque
when i am absent
does he remain?
Due to death in the family and my own health being bad, the contest being ended today, and no poems having being submitted for days, this is the final judging. Thanks to everyone who entered!
Pendragon
Form Poetry Contest Final
Symphony: The Naive Noesis:
You had a really good villanelle and I think this stanza was the one that stood out the most for me:
The world begets, the world forgets. We forget our histories,
And nod it is only gravity for which the earth is round.
If only we had time enough to serve the trivialities,
I will be eternally grateful to you for your bravery in starting this round. As I go first so many times, I know how hard it is to take that first step. Well done!
astrophysical: Villanelle to a Dutch Summer: There was only one thing you did that I disliked. At the very beginning, you descried your own poem as “lame”. Do not do that. What you write is yours and should be treasured in your own eyes at least. To decry it yourself will make editors not take you seriously at all. Fortunately, I am not one of those editors! This is your best stanza, but the whole villanelle resounds with beautiful imagery. Well done!
Fragrant lemongrass grows sweet where those young foals graze,
The sodium sun bakes the ground hard under the foots sole
While clover fields melt into an amythest haze.
Ah, sweet clover…
thefifthelement: Missing: A real gut wrenching, tear-jerking villanelle! I kept seeing John Walsh’s face and remembering how he lost his son. Terse, short lines for a villanelle, but you made it work with your subject. Well Done. Best stanza, I think was this one:
He was wearing trousers with pockets on
the knee, and a t-shirt egg yolk yellow.
Please help me, have you seen my son?
That egg yolk yellow shirt says it all…
AuntShecky: A Villenelle: You have a wonderful imagination and a great feel for the style of poem, Auntie. That said, how come you give it such an unimaginative name? You know, I have always believed that the name of a work is sometimes the thing that makes it immortal and not particularly the work itself. I liked your villanelle very much, it is carefully crafted and offers the reader the eternal question of why we are here. Well Done! To say truth, it’s hard to pick a favorite stanza:
Neither earnest nor sly intent puffs up a luckless sail.
When God cleaves to the meek, then God help the merely clever.
Our lives are tiny ships, tossed and shifting in a gale.
I think that “God help the merely clever.” is what does it!...
alakungfu: Reel of Options: You had a bit of trouble with your villanelle, but you persevered and it reads very well! Set up is fine and everything looks good. Well done! Nice stanza here:
Tedium lapses unfocussed excesses tnat yet wear
And Opportunity gives us leave forget those faults conserved.
Chance has a cause to desert its ways and viscerally forswear.
One thing you might not want to do. People don’t want to have to get out the dictionary to read poetry. Watch the big words. They look good on paper, yes, and you and I know their meanings. But they may stumble some people. Careful.
poetjo: Damned Watch: A newbie dropping in on a contest for the first time. This is a fine villanelle. You obviously have written this form before, and you do a nice job of descriptive writing here. Well Done! My favorite verse is your wrap-up conclusion:
I stare hell in the eye, God's help I enlist.
The hours are waning, my death's in the limelight.
Time is a hostage, held captive on my wrist.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
I like the whole idea…
lucidnightmares: (unnamed): Unfortunately, even after contacting you and telling you to look at the poem above you to see how to set up your poem, you still got it wrong. What you did was go all the way back to the beginning, and it’s even wrong for that, because the originals had to perfect reverse like this:
Paris in Spring—
Road side café
Peter met Dorothy
Vis-à-vis, teat-à-têat—
Love at once!
They embraced. They kissed.
He gave her flowers.
They walked away happy.
Happy, away walked they.
Flowers her gave he.
Kissed They. Embraced they.
Once at love…
Têat-à-têat, vis-à-vis—
Dorothy met Peter
Café side road—
Spring in Paris…
You are disqualified, Lucid!
Our winner is: After much careful consideration, the newbie, PoetJo! That is one incredible villanelle! Congratulations! Now you may choose the next form for the next contest and set the date for its conclusion. And you are the judge, jury, and hangman!
Thanks to you all for entering! This villanelle just couldn’t be beaten!
Pen
I stare hell in the eye, God's help I enlist.
The hours are waning, my death's in the limelight.
Time is a hostage, held captive on my wrist.
But does time really matter, does it exist?
haha oops
owell`s good job PoetJo:thumbs_up
Thanks for the feedback Pen & thanks for picking such an interesting form! Hope things are okay with you.
Congratulations PoetJo :)
Oh, yes. To keep a promise. alakungfu originally wrote a poem that is a variation on the villanelle form, which I will call a "Stretched Villanelle." He kept the form and rhyme, but not the repeating lines. I think it quite a masterpiece. See what you think.
Stretched Villanelle by alafungfu
The mists of yesterdays gone by give off a motley glare,
Particularly if our past mistakes with relish once observed
Return to haunt us and our circumstances made bare.
The challenge of reformation, most propitious dare,
The average remedy ensures even that Justice is served.
The hope of ages of improvement remains to all a care.
Review the duration of causations, enticing with great flair
Engaging in absolved affairs, reaping as deserved
The life that culminated in the keys of destiny fair.
Tedium lapses situational excesses that leave wear
And Opportunity gives us leave to forget those faults conserved.
Chance has cause to desert its ways and finds the means to swear.
Fortune, having loosed its hold on random times by its square,
is doting on its twin Due Course, celebrated yet unnerved.
Both siblings run in different roads but their lots they do compare.
The ultimate consideration, reasoned and aware
Becomes the private delivery mechanism, rueful and reserved.
The slightest little complication teases the grace off a stare
And leaves the flagrant means of options in their allegorical lair.
Hi Everyone!
I apologize for not responding sooner to the honour of having won the villanelle contest! It was quite unexpected as I'm so new to the forum and I thank you Pendragon for your kind comments!
I've read the thread to see what forms have already been written by all you wonderful poets and have been bouncing some ideas around in my head to come up with another form to try.
I'd like everyone to write a piece of poetry of only twenty-six words (not including the title). The first word of the poem begins with the letter "a", the next word begins with the letter "b"....and continues until the 26th word in your poem begins with the letter "z". I believe this is a contemporary version of what's called the Abecedarian poem.
Here's an example:
Socrate's Death
Ancient brilliance
calmly died,
erased forever.
Grief's haunting
irony: justice
knows loss.
Men needing
obscene power,
quaintly removed
Socrates,
tasting uneasy
vengeance.
Widowed Xanthippe
yearned
Zen.
I wrote this one a while back and it was a lot of fun to write - I found having a dictionary handy was really helpful!!
The deadline for this contest will be in three weeks time which makes it Thursday, April 10.
Happy writing!!!:) :)
poetjo
Thanks Pen, for those wonderful words. :)
Congrats PoetJo, I'll see if I can make it in time for this round. Looks like fun. :)
Here's my go. I hope someone can make sense of it.
Amnesty
apple
bodes calumny,
dearth ever feckless
grievous histories
immured jealously,
kneading light manners
next-of-precondition
quell reason stemming
tribute,
ushered venerable
worth
xylophoning yore -- Zenith.
i had to use a dictionary for this one
as my vocabulary isn`t that amazing:blush:
haha owell`s hopefully i did better on this one
antagonistic beliefs clarify dreams
ever falling
glass happiness impales
jesters kick lonely men
nowhere, only pain
quality resists sleep
thrust upon viral wolfs
Xerophilous youth zombiefied
Tough form!
Propaganda
Always believing calumnies
doesn’t empower false gods—
heroes inevitably justify knowing light—
meaning, not opaque perversions,
quailing righteous spirit—
truth underscores victory!
With xenogenesis youthfulness zoom!
Pendragon