He stood ready in bull stance but high winds lifted a plank of wood smack dab into his crotch and, as he was doubled over, carried him off down the street, never to be seen or heard from again.
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He stood ready in bull stance but high winds lifted a plank of wood smack dab into his crotch and, as he was doubled over, carried him off down the street, never to be seen or heard from again.
Emily poured herself a tall cool one and followed the man out onto the verandah, where she commented to herself, "hmm, I reckon his resonance barrier didn't take."
Hardly had the words escaped her when she was swept out to sea by a tsunami that crashed into the building but she was picked up two miles from the shore by a boat heading for Argentina.
The boat, named The Sprightly Jester, had somehow managed to avoid the storm surges and difficult tidal flows mainly despite the incompetence of the Captain Tarquin Pettifer. Emily, wrapped in a blanket and drinking a mug of hot cocoa, was soon inroduced to the dashing Tarquin Pettifer. The introduction didn't go well, and she soon found herself threatening to jump off the boat into a swirling, salty doom rather than suffer him to be in the same cabin. Captain Tarquin Pettifer, a man endowed in good measure with both ignorence and arrogance, declared that she would soon come knocking on his door just as an empty mug bounced off the back of his head.
We're beginning to stray into multi sentence mode again. However:
The captain was so annoyed that he ordered Emily to be locked in her cabin until she had calmed down because, as he later remarked to the public enquiry, "I'm a literary man and that mug was my favourite drinking vessel that was presented to me by my father when I completed my thesis on Harry Potter while up at Cambridge."
“Shiver me timbers,” said the mate, “I’ve a new respect for ye, Cap’n; I’d’nt know you was a man of letters, I’d taken ye fer a halfwit.”
"Halfwit? How can that be when I have a complete set of all the Harry Potter books in my cabin and spend every spare moment watching the Potter films and also the DVDs of Batman?"
The first mate stared at his captain blankly and then there came the scent of flatulence in the air, silent and deadly like the hungry heart, so, with neither man having sufficient evidence to accuse the other and each knowing full well the rules of implication regarding who should refer to the disturbance first, the captain hesitated before speaking cautiously,"Right, then. Dismissed."
The boat continued on its way to Buenos Aires, and Emily wondered what she would do when it got it there because she had never been to South America before and in her febrile imagination it was just a large country full of cattle and gauchos.
Then one day the captain burst into her cabin and screamed,"There's a bomb on board! If this ship goes below 10 knots she's gonna blow!!"
Emily thought, yeah right, a bomb, it'd be doing the whole world a favor to blow this ship of fools out of the water.
Emily looked at where the bomb was located and said:"That's not a bomb, it's my hurdy gurdy that I was clinging to when I was pulled from the sea and to prove it I'm going to play Turkey in the Straw."
She began to play, and the music calmed the savage hearts of the sailors, each adopting a relaxed pose, except for the captain, Tarquin Pettifer, who snorted in derison until he felt the hurdy gurdy bounce off the back of his head.
As the captain picked himself up and turned towards Emily, a huge explosion rocked the ship, the sort of explosion that occurs with the confluence of two volatile ingredients, ingredients such as arrogance and ignorance, two inherently unstable entities intermingling and mixing until they reach their flashpoint, setting off a chain reaction that consumes nearly everything and everybody in its path - people on the docks of Puerto Madero saw only the blast and then confetti-like fragments of low-brow literature floating gently to into the Rio de la Plata, and some said they saw a woman furiously swimming towards the shore.
Emily had survived the explosion and arrived at the shore covered in fragments of Harry Potter and Batman but if that wasn't enough, the hurdy gurdy was completely destroyed and would be as sorely missed as her alpenhorn.