....Jolting Joe has left and gone away
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every couple of hours crying?
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....Jolting Joe has left and gone away
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every couple of hours crying?
Because that's how they slept.
Why is it poeple who want to die aren't allowed to when people who don't want to die pop thier cloggs all the time?
let's not forget the people dying of boredom as we speak.......aaaaaaaaaaah
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
I usually thrust my arms around people on left and right:coolgleamA: - they move if they don't like it (and they weirdly like it - most times).
How is it that you can't get what you want but you can always get what you need?
cause maybe what you want is actually not what you need.
Why do good people do bad things?
Because they refuse to take their medication.
What is my dog thinking?
The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind
Why are dogs noses always wet?
Because they can't hold glasses on account of their paws and have to go nose first to get a damn drink! - So wrong!
Did I leave the iron on?
That question will answer itself shortly.
Should I buy a flamethrower, since melting snow with it would be easier than shoveling?
i would suggest instead some lavender infused sea salt, much less expensive and will leave a divine fragrance while melting the snow.
what is the right age for teaching my dog about sex?
Right before he is neutered
How do i explain to my dog about his over eating and slow metabolism?
Maybe he's an emotional eater. Food can take the focus off of anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, and a host of other emotions we’d sometimes rather not feel. I would suggest an appointment with a therapist to find out what emotions he's dealing with. Perhaps after the therapy, a bit of chi balancing and a colonic he will be on the right track.
While we are on the subject; why do people look like food to me?
You are likely a closet Cannibal, which is healthy as long as you do not begin to actually eat people - now there is where you may or may not have problems with the Law and some pi@@ed off relatives and friends.
Who steals my pens and newspaper everyday?
Ok you got me, guilty as charged.I'm also the one stealing just one of your socks from the dryer.
How did it get to be so late?
Winter days are shorter.
Why do people really SLAM doors?
this is due to the behaviour of air around the door as it is closed.
I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?
I believe you have to slaughter a mosquito in order to gain entrance to the Kingdom! ("OH Lordy, help this demon child woman"!!)- raising trembling hands and eyes skyward)
Am i putting too much olive oil on this salad - this cant' be good?
if you feel you've put too much olive oil in your salad rub some on dry and rough areas like your knees and elbow as it's an excellent moisturising agent. And let's not forget not your locks, olive oil works wonders for the hair, it helps fight dandruff, repairs spilt ends and adds shine to your hair. Olive oil makes a great wood furniture polish and if your shoes are looking a bit scuffed it helps bring back their shine, restore suppleness, and protect the leather.
How come my dog doesn't understand math very well?
...and I always like to take the olive oil excess to fill my car up - Voila! Clean Energy!!
Not sure why dogs don't get math.
How come humans can't catch flying frisbees in their mouth very well?
who says humans can't do that? My ex boyfirend from the Mursi tribe in Ethiopia was an excellent frisbee catcher.
does morning sex make you a morning person?
No, but it's make it easier to get up though
Why didn't foxes and wolves become domesticated?
because much like one of my co-workers, they have antisocial personalities.
If I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together, who then is the walrus?
The walrus is clearly the eggman.
Now why in world would he be sitting on a cornflake wating for the van to come?
because I have been a naughty girl and let my knickers down....goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob
Why do guys slap each other on the butt?
Because slapping each other in the balls hurts too much.
Why am i singing along to Neil Diamond?
cause Cracklin' Rosie is a store-bought woman and she make you sing like a guitar hummin'......
are we there yet?
Yes. And there it is: Wally World and Plastic Mountain - Run!
Wait, did I give you a $10 or a $100?
what money are you talking about?
Why don’t you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
The Mayan calender say a psychic will win the lottery in 2012 and then the world will end
How come you never see a baby pigeon?
cause they're in the pie.
Why do bad decisions make good stories?
schadenfreude
Left handed or right handed?
Right
You?
Right?
"I am, Said I, I am, I cried - what hell am I?
sorry, I can't hear you.
Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Always to the ballroom and the waltz. I'll be a mosquito on the wall, measuring your pash.
Where will you go with that bottle of Ginebra imported from Argentina?
heading to the back garden at the Congo in BA, I've got some tapas ordered, so come....
why are kisses a better fate than wisdom?
Cuz Serendipity rocks! - Its rocks my a@@ off!
Does my dog actually know what a camera is/does?
so long as your dog is wrapped up in appearances, in karmic consciousness and its results, he only sees himself as a dog and therefore does not know what a camera is.
why is today only tuesday?
Ok, i've made it wednesday!
Are you happy.....?
She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad.
You're not going to wear that, are you?