Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Mercury: the chemical element of atomic number 80, a heavy silvery-white metal that is liquid at ordinary temperatures... when taken internally, allows a person to sing Bohemian Rhapsody with flamboyance and flair.

Midnight:

Midnight:

That liminal clime
Where, while church bells chime,
With yesterday touching tomorrow,
Thrown wide are the graves
Of bishops and knaves,
In merriment tempered with sorrow.

Submarine

Submarine: A sandwich. A boat that doesn’t need to float. A mythical, yellow object, popular in the 20th century, that people known as “beatles” hypothesized that we all live in.

Devil:

Devil: An evil spirit who torments eggs with mayonnaise and paprika.

Earthworm

Earthworm: The great equalizer. Rich, Middle Class, Poor, Any Race, Any Sex, Any Nation, Any Religion, whatever in the end we all feed earthworms

Poker:

Poker: A fireplace utensil used for clubbing people who cheat at cards.

Detour

Detour: …a backwards Jumble Word of the Day for "tourDe" France: a race for back peddlers

Joker

Joker: A wild card in the deck. A supervillain who got that way because his arch enemy thought he was a batty and his mother refused to show him how to use lipstick.

Hierophant:

Hierophant:

A pachyderm with crystal balls.

Parallelogram

Parallelogram: A square on drugs.

Wheel:

Wheel: A circle that has to work for a living.

Volcano

Volcano: A tool used by Gaia to let off steam and other things depending on how bad things get.

Gaia:

Gaia: A Greek goddess who conspired with her son to castrate her husband, freeing him (the son) to cannibalize the children he had conceived by his own sister. It's all about the bunny rabbits, though. Think green!

Venus

Venus: A lovely Goddess with a less than stellar reputation. 2) What every UFO buff mistakes for a UFO 3) A beautiful woman whose reputation rivals the Goddess' behavior
Mars:

Mars: A bright, red planet. A warrior god who convinced Venus to have sex with him which probably wasn’t all that difficult.

Jupiter