I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
If only...
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I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
If only...
Ah, spring is sprung down here - daisies growing, lambs baa-ing, sun shining.
God I love global warming!
But think about the penguins!!! I'll bet that when you look out of your window, you don't see a single penguin!! Or a polar bear. See, that proves it!
yes, its raining here and all is well with the world.:rolleyes5:
From where I live, if you can see the hllls of the Peak District, it's going to rain. If you can't, it's already raining! Not that anybody's seen a sheep around here for years - they tend to end up on a stick in the local kebab-house or Tandoori. Along, rumour has it, with alsatians, poodles, cats, rats........... We don't have many take-aways, these days!
You're right - polar bears have completely disappeared from Antarctica!Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
Doesn't it always?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
:D
The Polar Bears have disappeared from antartica? Gad! Quick. TELL someone - this is a tragedy. We might have to double up on penguins, or paint grizzlies white!! This is all the proof we need - WE'RE ALL DOOMED!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
:out:
Somebody should do something.
In the mean time there's always the pub
Aye, that'll do. Mine's a pint of bitter, please. (What brews have you got up there?)
Ah, but I have a cunning plan!Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
With the lack of polar bears, penguins will breed without limit. We're going to tie penguins together and bleach them so the look like polar bears!
This will please the tourists and tree-huggers, and will also help keep the numbers of penguins down to manageable levels.
The pub?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
You're in an establishment with 342 different types of beer, 18,000 bottles of wine in the cellar and the only bottles in existence of 18 types of scotch whisky and you want to go to the pub?
Philistine!
Or do I mean Phyllis Diller?
One likes to associate with the hoi-polloi, old boy. Keeps one in touch, don't you know. Least a feller can do, eh? Buy the peasants a small one, that sort of thing. Noblesse oblige, old man, noblesse oblige. Quite.
One word - Pork scratchings, oh thats two, see what happens when you frequent The Blue Pig.
Here's one for you - being Pommies and all.
We have always watched Who Wants to be a Millionaire? - both the UK and Australian versions. (The NZ one only lasted a couple of months - bit expensive!)
Are all Poms broke?
The Aussies would never take away a small payout, always having a crack, even if they didn't know the answer. Poms, on the other hand, will take away a lousy two grand!
Surprisingly, if anyone does have a decent crack, it's usually a woman!
What the hell's going on over there? Has someone been putting bromide in the tea?
Two grand???? That much??? Rich beyond the dreams of Cresosote! Gad, I could live for years on that, and still have enough for a packet of Pork Scratchings with Mick!
Pass me another mouldy crust and a jam-jar of brackish water.
I won $8000 on Sale of the Century some years ago! I must admit, it seemed plenty at the time, although I was gutted it wasn't more. If you know the game, I lost the second night by $6 after having spent $20 buying stuff. The woman [aaaarrrggh!!11!] who beat me utterly cleaned up and took the lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
:cryin:
Impetuous, as always!
:smilielol5:
Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.
I'd call that a result!
Isay, I say, I say.......
I got a Jaguar for the wife.
Sounds like a good swap!
As long as it wasn't the same vintage.Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
;)
They didn't make cars, then!
I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.
My lad and his mates don't go much, and the last one i was in was full of men much older than myself sporting veiny noses and a pint of electric froth. (We had a work meal there). Lots are closing round here. They can't cater for the youth of today and get them interested in a 10 pint habit. Food and Sky Sports seem to be the saving grace of some of them.
:smilielol5:Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
Crikey, I wish that was the case here!Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
We've just gone from a few emormous pubs to millions of little ones!
Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.
The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare.
They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.
There are few good pubs, but certainly not in the towns, only out in the villages. Gone are the days where the pub was a social centre, now it's where people who can't put their mobile phones down gather, to let their horrible little brats run loose, and you can consume micro-waved "Good Food". (Sez Who).
Fortunately, there is still one near here that has no gaming machines, no music, kids are not allowed, it has a fantastic range of single-malt Scotches, and which I am not going to be fool enough to advertise.
Agreed. Loads have shut round here. They've got to try something different - online games nights with a beer perhaps. A couple of shots and a shoot em up perhaps.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Or the dreaded Karaoke.........!!
Have they started playing that children's poker one night a week to get punters along?
Texas Stick "em Up. (aka the worst, dumbest card game ever invented)
No, in some pubs in Sheffield, when they say "Stick 'em up", they really mean it. There's one place here on a really rough estate called The Manor which has what is reputed to be the roughest pub in Britain, which is saying something. The bar has bars, like a prison cell, and the beer is served in plastic containers, to cut down on weaponry. This is all hearsay, I wouldn't go within a mile of it!
Sounds like a nice spot!
Perhaps we should buy this one:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotlan...lands-10942316
You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.
Banshee screams!! Sounds like quiz night at the Blue Pig, people can get very emotional over the "interpretational aspect" when marking a rival teams answer paper.
Ok chaps!
As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!
(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)
First, booze. Well, it is a party.
I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.
My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!
Piece of cake!
Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!
Was there a second?
Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.
I'm proud of my nature as a laxy, skving ratbag; but recently the bills are coming due faster, the car is smoking and the wood is falling off the underside of the roof. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Floridian Flesh, I like it, makes me sound sexy...Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Well, we miss you when you're gone; so keep doing that Shakespeare:thumbsup:
Brilliant, you're a poet and you know it.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Well, I guess fate decided to give you a blonde on both arms instead of the spoon.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
I don't know why the girls like so many buttons; I like my technology the way I like my men: simple:iamwithstupid::iamwithstupid:Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
Will you marry me dafydd, I guess I might be able to handle an intellectual husband who came bearing a jaguar:ladysman:Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
The karaoke bars are dying here to; but the topless bars no matter what the economy.Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewoberg
On the subject of bars my son, young Jocky, has recently been promoted to manager of one of those new fangled establishments. Apparently one can only gain entry If you have a modicum of hair, are extremely good looking and have a full wallet. When I warmly congratulated him on his elevation he gave me a steely look and uttered the immmortal words; " Your barred, and that goes for Ma as well. " I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '. You are all welcome as you have the proper credentials. It was never like that in my day. :)
Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?
They do scholarships yes.
As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to.
The Curmudgeon's Arms - good name. Will it be an internet pub? You need to offer a little more these days if it is to survive. It could be a Surf and Slurp establishment.
Last Sunday I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table looking forward to watching the Charity Shield. Suddenly Mrs Jocky burst into the living room.... " Jocky get the car oot of the garage we are going shopping and remember the Bank card. " Oh no, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and did as ordered. Our first stop was the hat shop. Mrs J, why do you need four hats? " Don't be so bloody stupid, they will go with the four new outfits and four pairs of shoes I need. " :(
Good on your son Paul, Cambridge could put him on the wrong direction, if you get my drift.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
No, I was thinking more on the lines of Suppers and Strippers :)
Cheers Jocky. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
We'll see...
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Old farmer Mick can turn a rhyme,
If I had my way he would be doing time.
I have been Moderated, that's for sure,
but self preservation has made me pure.
Now I am back on the straight and narrow,
Mrs Jocky is pissed can I borrow your barrow?
Alliteration in its finest form. :)