Because people are strange and mind works in a weird way.
Why do tears come in our eyes when we are miserable or hurt?
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Because people are strange and mind works in a weird way.
Why do tears come in our eyes when we are miserable or hurt?
The body is mostly water and very sympathetic...
Why does the word "Dude!" seem to mean almost anything to this generation?
Lack of imagination! Dude! (Does it have a proper meaning? Not common in Brit English!)
Why do airline pilots always tell you what the outside air temperature is, when you're at 35,000 feet?
To know the plight of the aves!
Why only birds, bats and insects fly?
Because if elephants did, none of us would be safe. Similarly cattle/horses.
Why does bottled water take three thousand years to filter through the mountains, yet is best before next Thursday?
Because good things become crap under usage - they prefer virginity those miserly, proud denizens of nature!
Why is Heterochromia so cool?
Hetero who? What? Where? When? Why? How?
Why do investigative reporters always turn out to be cold-hearted prigs?
Because they were cold-hearted prigs in the first place, who only have one interest, despite what they would have you believe. Sorry, two interests. ££££££££££ or $$$$$$$.
Do freshly shorn sheep get embarrassed?
They wear sunglasses to remain inconspicuous
Why do goats have a reputation for eating tin cans?
It is a well lnown fact that goats love spinach, which is just as well because it is too repulsive for human consumption. However, despite the best efforts of Popeye to promote the foul stuff, there are still millions of cans about, each with a picture of spinach on the outside. The goats are just cutting out the middle-man.
Why does it rain every time I want to go out with my camera?
You're in Sheffield, it always rains.
Can you read a book by its cover?
Yes, but you have to take three thousand out of the library, to keep you going for a fortnight. Also, the dialogue's usually rubbish.
Does shouting "Long Live the King" actually work?
It may have done in the past. The next time, I'm afraid, Charles the III will be about 90, so it may be wishfull thinking.
What are those little things that hold a new pair of sock together called
Legs.
Why do pubs still have Smoke Rooms, when smoking has been banned?
To save money and effort, all they have to do is cross out the Sm and add Kara.
How many pecks to a firkin.
I'm surprised you have to ask. All you have to do is divide 40.9148269 by 9.09218376. Simples. The answer is (^&^&^$@~#. Give or take.
When did a florin become two bob, before it became 10 pee?
about the time Liz was given a Crown and became a Sovereign.
why do you switch the light off rather than the dark on?
Because the light switch was invented by a Russian, Dmitiri Switchitoff.
If Icarus' wings melted as he got too near the sun, how come it smows on the top of Everest?
Thats a myth created by double glazing salesmen.
Why do the horrors of remorse abound in unfullfilled conditionals?
Oh, if only I knew the answer to that..........
If there are flightless birds that can swim underwater, are there swimless fish that can fly?
There could be. Fish and fowl are closely related, there are rumours of a creature with a Birds-eye and Fish Fingers.
If god is all-powerful, why does he permit Piers Morgan?
Only because Piers Morgan thinks he is more powerful, better informed, better looking, wealthier and better loved. In comparison with a warthog, he is possibly (but only possibly) right. In comparison with the rest of the world, be is not. God has often used bad examples, and this is his major tour de force. Forcing him upon us, until we can find a suitable tour, or tower, to throw him off.
Does anybody normal watch all the cookery programmes on telly?
Yes I do. I jot down the recepies, but the problem is I never cook.
Why do we have regulators for fans?
It just regulations! Duh!
Why do we call 65 hot in the summer and cold in the winter?
Same reason as we always talk about hot days in Fahrenheit (It's 80 degrees!!) and cold ones in Celsius (It's minus 4).
Why do we believe weather forecasts?
So as to show some due respect to the forecasters who earn a living from it.
Why do we build houses?
To shelter us when the weather forecasters get it wrong again.
Why is reality TV so unreal?
Because it's behind the scenes!
Why are we called earthlings?
Ahem... terrains, I believe
Why do we think people from Mars would be green?
Because it's the opposite of red and Mars is the red planet.
What other color would they be?
They like Magenta and hence they took the first two letter to name their planet.
Why do we have other planets?
To give Holst the inspiration for his planet suite.
If music be the food of love, what's for afters?
Bitterness.
Was the Green Goddess actually green?
Chartreuse, actually
If the ancients had a God or Goddess for everything, why did they skip common sense?
There was a god of common sense - absentius!
What do tortoises do, if they get an itchy back?
They try to react, but they react so slow that they die.
Why are there boot laces for boots?
Because otherwise they'd fall off or you'd have to glue them on and that could be tricky getting them off later.
Why do butterflies have absolutely nothing to do with butter?
Actually forefathers had butter sumptuously!
Why do we have a CPU, instead of a direct monitor and keyboard (and a mouse of course)?
Without a Cheap Processing Unit (CPU) you'd get to the internet much more quickly and might die of a porn overdose
Why do we call jail time "cruel and unusual punishment"?
Because it is cruel and unusual to take a man away from all his problems, accomodate him for nothing, clothe him, feed him, train him for whatever he wishes to be trained, encourage him, cosset him, give him entertainment, and let him watch some other poor so-and-so trying to eke out a living and failing, but paying taxes for the privilege.
Why do they sill insist on shouting "mind the doors" on the Tube, when we've had doors for thousands of years, and know preciesly what they do?