The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

May Contain Twenty-One Nuts

“Cashew!”

Hazel Filbert has an allergy to nuts.
“Bless you!” says her husband, Cobb.

He’s thinking of a beach in Brazil.
She was drinking cola.
Her almond eyes met his and
Her chest jiggled when she sneezed.

When she returned to Macadamia,
He pined.
He pursued her on the wings of love.
And said, “I wanted you from the moment I soya.
Will you marry me?”

She declined. “I walnut.
You just a want a shag,” barked Hazel.

“It’s true,” Cobb said. “You give me
The horn. Be mine!”

“I should coco.
You will monkey with my affections.”

Cobb pleaded until he was hoarse,
And Hazel was ground down.

Love conkers all.

Anybody else? Three days to go.

Ok then

Cacain - you may be a genius beyond my ken.

Yes No - Stuck to the Halloween thing, good narratative.

Pendragon - That's the kind of thing I would do. You worked hard to contrive so many rhymes.

Mark - and they had a child called Meg, I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.


The Winner is ................................. Yes No

Thanks, prendrelemick!

The next line for the comedy/satire/pun contest is

Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet.

There is even a Wikipedia article on this nursery rhyme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Miss_Muffet

Anything related to the rhyme would work.

Deadline: Sunday, November 18th, less than three weeks from now.

They found Little Miss Muffet far from her tuffet
Eaten by birds of prey
When questioned, the spider admitted he'd shied her
A stomp, and justice won the day

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Inarticulate with rage so they say
Seems the contract had a rider
Her home was repossessed by the spider
Now she just dreams of eating curds and whey

little miss muffet who sat with her tuffet
facing seconds that it could fall
and crawl all over the floor
of her little puppet
decided not to store
anymore of he frequent falls
and so walked off tall from
her dearest tuffet and took on
her puppet to be her beloved
entertainment of all

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet...

Hey! that's Ms Muffet to you and not so much of the Little and whadya mean tuffet are you referring to my *** curds and whey with my lactose intolerance you're kidding right I aint scared of you and I aint scared of no spider!

Oh! it's quite big isn't it

YesNo is it time for the judges to deliberate?

Thanks for the reminder, cacian! I should put stuff like this in my calendar.

Calidore: A tasty ending for Miss Muffet from the birds of prey point of view.

Pendragon: A nice way to get the housing crisis involved. I can see how she might want to step on the spider.

cacian: It seems like that spider was responsible for increased bonding between Miss Muffet an her puppet.

prendrelemick: It looks like Ms Muffet is not one to tangle with. In the back of my mind I associate tuffet with *** like Ms Muffet does, but I'm not sure what a tuffet is exactly. I liked the way you reformatted this without line breaks.

Thanks, all of you, for the entries. They all deserved to win. I enjoyed reading them all.

The winner is

prendrelemick

Congratulations, prendrelemick!

Thank YesNo and congratulations prendrelemick!!

Thankyou yesno and cacian

The next phrase is -

Just add water.

Matilda Grew Suspicious While Reading the Instructions on a Box of Witch's Brew Mix at the Grocery Store

"Just add water? Who's heard of such stuff?"
Thought Matilda all ready to boil.
"No frog legs? No green slime?
And no cackling sublime?
Where's the fun if they take out the toil?"

Kitchen Modernization

Used to cut up the veggies, chop up the meat
Stir in the sauces to get something to eat
Roll out the dough to make biscuits from scratch
Light the cook fire with an old wooden match
Collect eggs every morning, pick berries each spring
Hunting deer in the forest had a beautiful ring
They claim that advances in science have made use cook smarter:
Want pancakes for breakfast? Just add water!
Soup for lunch, boy, just add water!
Dinner is freeze dried, so just add water!!
All that work raising food and cooking meals is a bother!
Wake up, smell the coffee! Just add water!

Pendragon
(C) 11/21/2012

inside the cup
a faience of kind
the tea bag is flumped
sitting in prompt
awaiting to be drunk
and so just add water
and see the cup
take saucer
to the guzzler of clover
peppermint and rasb

Anybody else?

The winner is YesNo for her disappointed Witch.