No, he raised piranha, and was used to liver in his pool
Why do people lie when the truth would be perfectly acceptable?
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No, he raised piranha, and was used to liver in his pool
Why do people lie when the truth would be perfectly acceptable?
Because if they told the truth their credibility would suffer, in that if what you tell someone is a pack of lies, you are the only person that knows it, thus making you Top Banana. See "politics"
Why do manufacturers keep trying to make stuff that looks and tastes like butter, when we've got a butter mountain?
because although we have a butter mountain , its fast running out , so buy some now from baldies r us, it tastes like butter but has more cholesterol. Eating cholesterol is cool. ( breaks to clip of naomi campbell sucking lard from a biscuit on a really nice beach)
Cholesterol eating is the new extreme sport. If you dont suck on our lard you are Billy nomates. Buy one get the nest double price. High prices are cool.
why does it always rain after a dry spell ?
To stop the lakes from running away. They always stay put in the rain, because they can't afford umbrellas big enough.
Why do we now have to call the Fat Controller Sir Topham Hatt?
Because he is now sponsored by Weight-Watchers ;)
Was that Fat Controller's real name ever used (until recently)?
A search of the archives reveals nothing... highly suspicious!
Why do they call mystery stories "whodunits"?
Coz the very erly wuns wozn't spellt good, an they dint no no gramur.
Why do maps show you where a place of interest is, but not tell you WHAT it is!?
Mystery is the spice of life
Why do people, especially males, always claim they are not lost and refuse to ask for directions?
Because they only want to lose one thing, i.e. their way, without losing face as well.
Why, when men consult road-maps, do they always turn the car radio off?
Yeah, My friend turned it off once...
Why are we playing this?
Studidity, Insanity, Lack of anything better to do, and it's Fun!
Why do we refer to steam-rollers, when they are no longer powered by steam?
Old habits die hard.
Why do we cook food?
Because uncooked cows aren't as tasty, and uncooked lamb tends to still have wool attached to it. Served with uncooked potatoes and leeks, it is a delicacy amongst wolves and foxes, but not up to much, although probably still better than McDonalds
Why haven't McDonalds cottoned on that the first syllable of all their products is Muck?
Good PR reps
Why do people wash their cars right before it rains?
It is always "just before it rains" where I live. Either it's just before, just after, or it's raining. We saw the sun once, but many thought it was a hallucination - that was in 1937.
Why is it Scotch Whisky but Irish Whiskey?
Both group claim the invention of whiskey and it is the subject of international intrigue
Why do we call the tiny glasses they serve whiskey in "shot glasses"?
Because in the Wild West, many men started arguments after too much whiskey, wnet for the quickdraw, fell over in the process and then got shot.
Worse yet, why is a sherry glass called a schooner?
I know the answer to that one! there used to ba a woman at the glass factory called Nerys [Ner for short] who was always shouting "Shoo" and "Scoot" from the office window to the local kids and tramps who tried to get near the warm furnaces in winter, whilst she drank warm sherry from a newly invented kind of glass and somehow her phrases and name were amalgamated by the public imagination and the rest as they say is very dubious history.
Why have I got no question ready?
Genius runs on a narow wave-band, and you can't be expected to multi-task - that's for women. (There'll be letters!)
Why do women think they can multi-task and men can't?
Women think they can multi-task because they canīt do anything else.
Why do hopeless romantics exist?
To give Mills and Boon writers something to do when it's raining, and anyway, it keeps Norwegian foresters in a job.
What is the point of cats?
There are no points or corners in cats. They are quite round, soft, and fluffy.
Why do we use door bells?
Because hitting the door with a sausage doesn't alert anyone except the cat.
Why was the film Jaws not called Fangs, or Gnashers, or Dentures?
The Sharks would be dishonoured.
Why do people like Bungee Jumping?
They don't, they just want others to think they're hard. Ever noticed that it only happens in places where there are no crocodiles to wrestle with?
Why has this pigeon been sitting outside my window for the lst half hour, staring at me?
You are utterly fascinating, Daffy Dave! Get used to it!
Why do I insist on nicknaming people?
Because it makes them feel loved, special, a part of something bigger, and makes them worry less about that blasted pigeon!
Why did Hannibal use something as slow as elephants?
He hated being fast!
Why do we prefer Google over other search engines?
I'll have to Goggle that one!
Why do I always spell Goggle.....Googel......Gogele......Google wrong?
Over usage of the term...Wait a minute,Gogle...Gugel...Oh god, what's happening to me..
Why are there 7 continents on this earth, but in all the major events only 6 of them take part?
The seventh have got more sense!
Why does the mobile phone always ring the instant you go in to the bathroom?
Because people have a sixth sense about that, and decide they want to mess with you.
Why do pants have legs?
Because if they had arms, they'd be extraordinarily difficult to get on.
Why do I always mis-spell because when I'm typing, and it always has to be corrected from beacuse? See? I did it again!
Because the English language has such a difficult way of spelling and pronouncing its words.
Oops, forgot to ask my question:
Why are people so forgetful?
Sorry, forgetful of what? Do I know you? It could be age - I'm glad I haven't there yet. Got where? Oh, I dunno.
Since pride comes before a fall, are all those women who teeter about on 5 inch heels proud of something, and if so, what?
They seem to feel that they aren't tall enough for their counterparts.
Why do men always feel that they have to be right?
Because we know that we never actually will be!!
What is so fascinating about "reality TV"?
Don't know. It's not really "reality".
Why do people feel they need to dumb things down all the way down?
Hey, did you see that commercial in between the murders, on NBC news tonight? Cool! Ace! Wicked! Like, Wow, man!
Why do they give people blood transfusions if they've lost a pint, yet when somebody donates, they take a pint and replace it with a cup of tea and a biscuit?
That is interesting. We are given orange or apple juice and cookies - we're told caffeine isn't good to help the reproduction of red blood cells.
Why do some people have a problem with the sight of blood, but have no problem going to a blood bank to donate?