Restaurant: A place with a restroom which is usually free to use provided you purchase some food or drink which means you will need the restroom even more than before, but at least it serves both ends.
End:
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Restaurant: A place with a restroom which is usually free to use provided you purchase some food or drink which means you will need the restroom even more than before, but at least it serves both ends.
End:
End: What we all come to. Also, something at least half the young girls who go out to Hollywood to become stars eventually make their living with.
Rent:
Rent: Payment made to use something one doesn’t want to buy outright.
Exercise:
Exercise: A distasteful routine that is only good for people already in shape. I mean I can ride my exercise bike and use my heavy bag, but I still am way overweight because losing weight isn't that simple no matter what infomerchials for things like bow-flex say.
Infomercial:
Infomercial: The thing that made Ron Popeil a household name. And Billy Mays. And Jason Vale. And proved a form of employment for countless has-been actors and TV personalities. Spray-on hair, the Ab-Doer, the George Foreman Grill, juicers--stuff you'd never have imagined you needed and yet there you are reading off your credit card number to the person on the phone. Also, something to watch late at night when you're done watching that other thing you watch late at night.
Marketing:
Marketing: The Fine Art of Lying
Art:
Art: The act of monkeying with raw materials that are minding their own business. This is often referred to as “adding value”. The act generates something called an “art object”, or “objet d’art” if one is seeking a premium valuation, which one can try to sell but if unsuccessful, one can always hang it in one’s basement.
Basement:
Basement: That thing which, if you want to have one in the new home you're about to build, and you live in the northeastern United States, you first have to have an inspector come in and check for radon, the gaseous form of radiation seeping up from the center of our globe, and otherwise known as earth farts. Also, if you're a prepper, the basement is where you keep your three hundred tins of Chef Boyardee.
Gaseous:
Gaseous: Having the properties of gas such as a bellyache and farts loud enough to stop conversations and smelling enough to require gas masks
Conversation:
Conversation: Something other people expect you to make, thus one of the reasons I avoid other people. Also, women expect a lot of conversation if you want access to their non-verbal parts.
Stinky, being what I am right now. If we've done stinky, substitute malodorous, foul, wretched or oh my freaking god.
malodorous: A stench that would drive a lame badger out of its hole
Badger:
Badger: A small animal that reminds me of a skunk my dog once had an encounter with.
Encounter:
Encounter: to meet. There are many kinds of encounters. Close Encounters of the Third Kind means you have ran into Extraterrestrials. Supernatural encounters mean you see, hear, or are touched by ghosts. A Death Fetch encounter means you run into yourself...
Extraterrestrials:
Extraterrestrials: These are a kind of alien who aren’t coming from Mexico or as refugees from some politically messed up part of the world but who come from outer space and have somehow, because they are so much smarter than we are, overcome the deadly radiation and the immense distance that is supposed to keep them home. They are pictured with big heads showing huge brain capacity and big eyes showing that they see better than we do with laser guns in hand just in case we don’t behave.
Alien:
Alien: Sod the kind that sneaks in from Latin America and elsewhere--my heart goes out to some of those people, so desperate are they, but I'd rather talk about the other kind of aliens, that being ET. I believe so firmly in the search for these buggers and in their discovery within the next few decades that only last night I bought a SETI T-shirt to support their efforts and proudly declare my affinity. And I don't think they'll 'ave big 'eads or carry ray guns, I think they'll come in boats that drift across the stars...
Transcendent:
Transcendent: To go beyond anything known or measured; to exceed expectations. Thus the nature of God would transcend human knowledge, yet man believes that he either knows everything or is likely to find out, thus ruining the use of transcendent
Bumbershoot:
Bumbershoot: An umbrella, or a large music faire held in Seattle every year. Thanks for the new word, Pendragon, me droogie.
Tam o'shanter. And no he wasn't the guy slated to play Captain Kirk before that lout Shatner stole the role.
Tam O’Shanter: A bonnet worn by some Scottish males, probably the same males who wore kilts.
Easter Bonnet:
Easter Bonnet: What Scottish males have to wear when the shoppes are out of Tam O'Shanters. Of course, then they have to wear rouge and be all coquettish like.
Wee lass:
Wee Lass: A female who lets her Scottish male win an arm wrestling competition.
Arm Wrestling:
Arm Wrestling: Contrary to the name, arm wrestling involves more than the arm. I have seen people almost get out of their seat to put body weight behind the arm. Oh, and the limb can and will break. You have been warned.
Behinder, from my neck of the woods, Cheddar old chum!
Now here I am trying to comply with the PG-13 standard I was warned to comply with, and you go saying 'behinder,' Pendragon, you rogue. Well, I can't be blamed for answering. Or can I. Behinder: Urban Dictionary says it's a Greek person who is known for 'giving it from behind Greek style.' Although one wonders why the person doing the giving has to be Greek. I've heard tell some of our finest Congressmen, on a Saturday night--<cough>--that is...what I mean to say is...Also, some of the manliest members of the Aryan Brotherhood ever to occupy our maximum security prisons are known to favor this form of intimacy with other manly white men...and little boys...and farm animals. Also, there'd be no adult film industry without said approach to loving, and then what would all those young hopeful actresses in Hollywood do to pay the rent.
Going in the tradesman's entrance:
Cheddar, here in these Mountains it is a curious creature that stalks one through the woods. You can never see it, because it is always behind you, thus it is called a "behinder". That other definition you gave I have never heard of, and having heard it, I will endeavor to forget it!
Going in the tradesman's entrance: Once this meant you were unworthy of showing up at the front door, as you were not upper crust. Anyone, including people who might actually have an appointment with the Master or Mistress of the house but were not on the same class level would be told to use the Tradesman's Entrance, which was around back or at the side, both not visible from the front door. What it means now I shudder to think...
Upper Crust:
You certainly can shudder, if you wish, Pendragon, but why not have a bit of fun with it? 'Going in the tradesman's entrance' can indeed be used interchangeably with behinder--or, if you prefer, the title of Led Zeppelin's eighth studio album, In Through the Out Door.
Storming the Trenches:
Upper Crust: The top, doughy part of a pie that is visible for inspection. It floats above a middle substance which is supported by another doughy part that is just as tasty but not fit for proper display.
Storming the Trenches: Assume your enemy has dug trenches to hide in while they shoot stuff at you. Assume you don’t like this. Assume you don’t have decent aircraft bombers or tanks to cover up the trenches stopping this noxious behavior. Assume none of your own soldiers want to jump in the trenches and fight the enemy hand to hand. Then you call the rainmaker and ask him (or her) to start a rainstorm and keep it going until the storm floods the trenches. Problem solved.
Noxious:
Noxious: Foul smelling and foul tasting from aroma de poo to things like corn smut which I thought was inedible until I watched some Chef shows. I stand by my opinion.
Corn Smut:
Corn Smut: Vegetarian porn. All natural, gluten-free.
Gluten-free:
Gluten-free: Food originally designed for the few poor people whom nature has rendered intolerant to certain staple substances, but now an ill-understood food-craze for the easily lead. For example, the following recent conversation with an elderly relative:
Loka: How about this restaurant? Shall we eat there?
Aged R: Oh no. Their food is nice, but I think it's very gluten-y.
Loka: Really? ...And what exactly is gluten?
Aged R: Well, I don't really know. But I think there's a lot of it in their food.
Loka: And that's a bad thing, is it?
Aged R: Oh yes. Or, at least, I think so.
Loka: So... you have no idea what it is or what it does to you, but you don't want to eat there on the grounds that you think there's a lot of it in that restaurant's food?
Aged R: Yes.
In other words, our species is doomed.
Credibility:
Credibility: A quality as rare as hen's teeth among those who pretend to lead this world or are trying to gain public office at any level
Quality:
Quality: something long since banished from the realm, in all arenas, from manufactured goods to art and music and literature to the food we eat. Quality, it seems, is a hindrance to more important values like fame and fortune. Ooh, listen to me preach.
Values:
Values: Ewes who pursue and imbue clues through shampoos and mousse; eschew fondue and spew hithertos in the valley.
Fondue:
Fondue: I'm not even going to try and equal that, tailor. Fondue's a bunch of warm cheese you poke at with bread skewered on little plastic thingies.
Thingy:
Thingy: That which to your embarrassment you cannot remember the name of-- such as when you go into an auto parts store or a hardware shop and have to say "You know the thingy that goes..."
Embarrassment:
Embarrassment: The process of dropping one's trousers.
Moon:
Moon:
1) Keith
2) One of the names of the only natural "moon" (at this time) somewhat locked in an infinitesimally-increasing orbit, and largest celestial body in the sky (when its period coincides with good viewing conditions) of Sol 3 (or Earth) other than its star (Sol)
3) What cows obsess over (hence moooooooo-n) and jump over on occasion (when the hey diddle-diddles)
4) Used as a calender of sorts by various flora and fauna visually and/or tidally (reference gravity)
5) Ersatz Cold War goal of "conquest" in the 20th century (Sol 3) that never lived up to its hype
6) A full Moon is often used as an excuse for mayhem and/or fantasy
Gravity:
Gravity: A delusion which prevents humans from the ability to fly, in which if one could reach a state in seeing completely through the delison all things would be possible.
Big Bang Theory:
Big Bang Theory: 1)The theory that everything started from a random explosion that is still spreading out. The question is who lit the fuse? 2) The theory that rock and roll causes big bangs like the Beetles wore
Rock and Roll:
Rock and Roll: Rock a solid, hard object varying in size and shape naturally formed, roll what happens to said rock when thrown down a hill.
Destiny:
Destiny: Des tiny stuff like itsy-bitsy spiders
Spiders:
Spider: Abominations made entirely of hair, fangs and legs. Proof-positive that we live in a cruel universe.
Egomania: