If I were a ______, what would you be?

Stuck on the M5 in a tailback, probably.

If I was a balrog what would you be?

a dragon.

If I were a crab, what would you be?

Hot water.

If I were Achilles... ?

Odysseus, of course. We're on the same side, right? :)

If I were a thorn, what would you be?

Joseph of Arimathea :D

If I were a Druid...?

The patron goddess of your cult.

If I were a fairy tale, what would you be?

A Prince:yesnod: or maybe a superhero, or sumpin like that.

If I were a jet plane waiting to take off, what would you be?

Air traffic control.

If I were Rome what would you be?

The rest of the empire.

If I were a bridal gown, what would you be?

Worried, as I'm not in the habit of conversing with bridal gowns :D

If I were a trawler?

I would be a passing vessel with square rigged sails.

If I were the above vessel, what would you be?

I'd be taking pictures.

If I were a satelite?

The Earth.

If I were a bad poem :yikes:, you be?

Surprised...

If I were looking, you'd be?

:seeya:

If I were a pair of shoes, you'd be...