Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Pressure: A beneficial force that brings about wine from grapes, diamonds from carbon, and action from apathy.

Seersucker: Philosophy of a man who's never met a woman he didn't like.

Polarity

Polarity Measure of popularity in the elections in Poland, but like all kinds of polarity, it has a tendency to swing between extremes...


Vote

Vote is from the Latin veto vitae, where those who were against Caesar becoming Emperor were flung by catapult into the Tiber


Catapult

A cat skin coat.

Fetish

Fetish - 1. A sick desire other people have
2. A bit overweight

Laziness

The prevainling state of mind for someone who is an Idol.

Ikon

Ikon - a type and brand of camera that ensures the wielder takes very classy photographs indeed, unless they are a


Tool

Tool Any invention that is supposed to make life easier, but actually complicates things. Ex: Silas McCormick's Reaper. It made the reaping easier up until the time it first broke down. By then people had either forgot how to reap crops by hand, or else they felt they didn't have to, that the reaper would be fixed, and if not in time to harvest the crops, too bad. The same goes with computers today...


Conventional Wisdom

Conventional Wisdom Two or more pieces of contradictory advice contained in the same sentence.

Hell

Hell - that which is so jaw droppingly ghastly that the surprised utterance of 'Hello?' is cut short before the second syllable by an involuntary gagging


Brimstone

Brimstone Sulfur. As it is commonly believed to be a major component of hellfire, the blue flames it gives off are said to indicate ghosts, and according to Bram Stoker's Dracula, to indicate hidden treasure on Walpurgis Night, (May Eve), one of the four great witch's sabbaths every year. Most of this has the same oder of decay that sulfur itself gives off...


Vampire

Vampire One whom, having lost all or his/her life's blood designs to use involuntary doners. Some are taken into the Vampire coven by being deliberately changed by another vampire, some through suicide (considered by many an "unpardonable sin"), and some by making deals with the Devil. Possibly an extinct species, but one never knows. "There are more things in heaven and earth..."

Werewolf

Werewolf One so affected by the full moon as to switch bodies with a monster and eat human flesh

Cannibal

Cannibal a person who would love to have you for dinner, preferably with fava beans and a nice chianti...

Ghoul

Ghoul - How ghosts describe something they like:

Ghost One: 'Hey, you seen that movie Ghost? It's like subzero.'

Ghost Two: 'You mean like really ghoul?'

Ghost Three: 'I saw it and thought it was complete rubbish. Wonder what happened to the actor who played the ghost..?'

Ghost One: 'I'm right here...'


Dark Side