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Thanks, Pendragon! And I enjoyed your poem, Mark.
The next quote is from Gerard Manly Hopkins, "To a Young Child": http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/to-a-young-child/
Here is the new line:
"Margaret, are you grieving over Goldengrove unleaving?"
The deadline is in 3 weeks on Sunday, February 5th.
Recount? Hummmmm... 1st Place, 2nd Place... No real room for a recount! Perhaps, considering the quality or your poem, Mark, we need a comedy/pun poem contest. If I can get someone to second the motion, perhaps I'll start oneQuote:
Originally Posted by MarkBastable
God bless
Pen
I second the motion for a comedy poetry contest.
''Margaret, are you grieving over Goldengrove unleaving?"
''no'' said the voice
''I am simply upheaving
sorrows cost wires
and
smiles drown fires
I see no pleasing when it comes to chosing''
''I see'' said Margaret
''how about some teasing
reasoning arth due meaning?''
''Howdy''!!! said voice
''tis all this weaving!!
must trickle it some loosening''!
Five days left to enter something!
Margaret, are you grieving over Goldengrove unleaving?,
Could it be he's overstayed his welcome but he's still hanging around?
Is it worth the nights of crying, over love now lost and dying,
Coupled with depression that's just dragging you down?
Margaret, dwell on past happiness, and let the dreadful feelings pass,
Trust that someone can comfort you when everything seems lost
Because when you feed depression, heartaches will never lessen,
Sometimes you got to let things go because they are not worth the cost
See, that handsome guy is smiling, thoughts of you beguiling
Longing to get to know you better if you are so inclined
Though black thoughts may you imprison, looking through rose-tinted vision
Can bring back the sunny days you thought so far behind
Today is all we that we can travel, the past begins to ravel
It breaks apart like faded smoke about a funeral pyre
Take a chance on love and win it, as for the past just forget it
Regain the sparkle in your eyes, and relight passion's fire
If Goldengrove unleaving, has turned your joy to grieving
Don't waste time but tell him he's not welcome any more
Then set your sights on someone else, don't feel sorry for yourself
Your true love may enter once Goldengrove is out the door!
Pendragon
(C) 2012
Thanks, cacian and Pendragon for the entries! As I think back on it, the line was difficult, but you both met the challenge.
I liked the line "smiles drown fires", cacian. And I enjoyed the metrical pattern in your poem, Pendragon.
I enjoyed reading both of them. They both deserved to win, but since I must choose a winner, the next person to present us with a line is
Pendragon
Congratulations!
Thank you, YesNo!
Let's see... I Choose...
"Up from Earth's Centre through the Seventh Gate I rose, and on the Throne of Saturn sate" from The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám
Love to see what our poets can do with this!
Ends: First of March
Good luck and God bless!
Enjoying Saturn's Chair
Up from Earth's Center through the Seventh Gate
I rose and in the throne of Saturn sate
Till Saturn thought it time for me to go
And though he might get angry I said, "Wait!"
"There's more to life than sitting on this spot
And watching Earth evolve perhaps or not.
Go take the missus out to see a show,
Or I'll take her. Let's see what Neptune's got."
It's then I felt the power of his hand.
He knocked me off his chair. I understand.
Those jealous husbands always seem to know
More than they should, far more than we had planned.
The Fate of Gods and Man
I was as Persephone
living among broken souls
and old bones within a hopeless
darkness where none never
from thence returned again
to the light of day.
But I remembered the stories
they told me, of Inanna's Descent,
how from heaven's gleam she
came, passing through the seven
gates into this land of the dead.
With each gate she left a piece
of herself behind, until at last
she stood before her sister
Queen of Death, and she felt
no shame in her nakedness
with nothing but courage to cloak her
while pleading her request,
starry-eyed and resilient.
So I wondered why must I
linger here like Shallot,
with curses as my only chains,
if once a goddess had descended
confronting her fears and grief,
than so could I instead rise
towards a breath of freedom.
Up from Earth's Centre
through the Seventh Gate
I rose, and on the Throne of
Saturn sate, twas a bold move
and I was elated to achieve
celestial power from the bowls
of former despair.
He who had once been the
mighty Father of the gods,
broken by prophecy and his own
divine seed, usurped, leaving
his seat vacated, may I once a
Daughter in the House of the Dead
rule over the lost and Forsaken.
Just for fun, from the previous one:
Margaret, are you leaving 'cause the Golden Gloves are bleeding?
It's boxing, silly girl; were you expecting something nice?
Margaret, if you're going 'cause the fighters' blood is flowing
You should be aware they won't refund the ticket price.
Since no one seems to want to enter, DarkMuse, you are the winner. Your poem captured some of the otherworldliness of the original.
um, DarkMuse, you are up!
Oh sorry I had no idea, I did not get the notifacation telling me that there were new posts to this thread, and hadn't got around to checking to see what was going on with this thread.
Ok, I will get a new quote posted soon.
In honor of one of my favorite books, here is a line frome the poem of its namesake:
Gin a body meet a body
Comin thro' the rye,
From Comin' Thro the Rye by Burns
Tentative Deadline April 10
Lovebirds
Gin a body meet a body
Coming thro' the rye
Leave the pain that haunts a body.
Make no bodies cry.
Should a body like a body
Let the lovebirds fly.
With nice words enchant a body
Before those bodies die.
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the rye
string a party through a bounty
seeing to a pry
sling a chatterly to a courtely
charms are up for grabs
simple deity clever socraty
life is a passage ply
write a river dance
make it sound a trance
and everyone is on bounce
through symphonies of rhymes.
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the rye
someone must dislike the graveyard
so they are coming home to spy
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the wheat
they might be a ghoul
who hasn't anything to eat
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the oats
don't tell anybody
but you just met a ghost
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the corn
someone's been a-haunting
til the c@ck crows in the morn
gin a body meet a body
coming thro' the hops
they may never come back home
and this is where our story stops
Pendragon
(c) 2012
Why is everyone using 'going'? It's 'coming'. Comin' thro the rye... It's right there in the set-up that Dark Muse posted, and it's the name of the *&£*ing poem, for God's sake.
Good point. I changed mine from "going" to "coming".
ditto! :nono::nono:Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
5 more days left and only 3 entries so far. Lets see if we can make it a little more exciting. Don't by shy.
Thank you those that took the time to enter. They were all great entries, and it was a tough choice.
YesNo: I thought you did one of the best jobs in keeping the poem in the tone of the selected quote, and of the original poem. You made it all flow naturally together. I loved the tone of the poem, and particularly enjoyed the lines "Leave the pain that haunts a body" and "With nice words enchant a body." Your poem really caught the essence of the original.
cacian: I really like the play on words you used within the poem. I thought it was a clever way in keeping with the original tone and language of the line. Though at first I was not quite certain I understood your poem, after a couple of readings I think I had began to get a sense of it. It was a fun and playful poem to read.
Pendragon: A most enjoyable poem to read. I really liked your rather original approach to the lines and loved the content of the poem. Naturally I rather appreciated the macabre humor of it. I also really enjoyed the way in which you used various alterations of the original line.
And the winner is......
YesNo
Dark Muse thank you very much for the feedback I enjoyed this one very much!
Congratulations to the winner YesNo :hurray:!!
Thanks, Dark Muse! And thanks, cacian!
The line for the next contest is
All that glitters is not gold.
Here is a reference for the line which I recently read in Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_tha...rs_is_not_gold
Deadline: May 1st. Two weeks from now.
I think it's 'glisters', if you're using the Famous Quoted Line.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Yes, you're right. Either "glisters" or "glitters" is fine for this contest.
Mary Jane's Glistering Night Out
So
When my central heating broke, I went to Yellow Pages
To find an engineer to make it right
And
When mum and I went drinking , she looked in the directory
For carers for my infant for the night.
But
The printer of that book seems to have taken hints from Shakespeare
Who said that all that glisters is not gold
So
I wound up with a boiler-fister and a babysister.
These spelling choices matter, truth be told.
Always write your poetry
From the depths of your soul
Giving voice to your visions
Things unseen and unknown
Some will see the stars you see
Some will hear the voice you here
Some will choose to remain blind
Some turn a cold, deaf ear
But beware of building monuments
To make your poetry bold
It may shine brightly in the night, yet
All that glitters is not gold...
Pendragon (C)2012
all that glitter is not gold
and
all that silver is not rolled
only bold is more cold
when trivial is on sold
to sentiments on fold
all gold is not shun
and
all silver is not coined
when quantity's undone
as a matter of call
and quality's on tone
with merities of roles
Why?
We set the date and engraved the ring.
He was not destined for the aisle.
The smith fired,
Melted and combined
My old penny
And his dime.
I got mine
From my grandma’s purse.
He found his
While sitting on a well.
We wore them
Before the end of Spring
When we kissed
And the stars glistened.
For what reason
Did you slay him?
Was it his finger,
Was it his ring?
How did it blind you?
All that glitters is not gold.
Fools Gold
Her eyes shone like stardust
and even than I should have known,
for what are star lights but the remainders
of the dead.
But when she smiled I felt my heart
come to a halt and could beat no
more.
How than I should have let go,
but she cast me beneath her spell,
her laughter like chiming bells,
but oh the fatal hour when for me
it would toll no more.
I never saw the cracks, as chips of paint
beginning to flake from the veneer
for I was too dazzled by the vibrancy
of her plumage.
She seemed to radiate and never did I see
that it was all stage lighting for too late
I have learned that all that glisters is not gold,
and a fool I was for her glitz.
Thank you for all the contributions to this contest!
MarkBastable: It looks like Mary Jane is going to have to watch out for her mum. Next time she may get a baby brother. I liked the formatting of the poem.
Pendragon: I think that is good advice on writing poetry. It should come from the soul and not the intellect building glittering monuments.
cacian: I liked the sound of the first 3 lines and their parallel in lines 7-9. I also liked the two beats per line excluding the two lines containing just the word "and". Although I don't think I understood all of it, I enjoyed the sound of the words.
miyako73: That is a strange story of a boyfriend's murder perhaps because of their ring made from inexpensive metals. Very interesting.
Dark Muse: This is a nice description of a person losing his illusions about a lover. I liked the setting in a theater where the illusions are expected and deliberate. This emphasizes his foolishness for believing the illusions.
These choices are always hard to make and I am no expert. All deserve to win, but for this round I have picked
cacian
for the sound of the words.
Congratulations!
Hi YesNo I am flattered I can't believe I won.
Thank you very much indeed!!:wave:
OK the next line is the famous:
''to be or not to be''
good luck and look forward to reading your poems.:biggrin5:
Previous Poor Choice
Some say I really had no choice.
I died. I'm back again.
A fresher body's inner voice
Holds something old within
That wonders this time will I choose
to be -- or not to be and lose.
Skywalker
Balanced on the edge of the world
within the grip of youths first immorality,
when all things seem possible,
and what greater power than the control
of one's own destiny?
To be or not to be, that is the question asked,
with the rush of adrenaline in every breath
how easy to fly free now, completely
in one fleeting moment, and die at the height
of everything in swift glory.
Or to retreat back into life
and slowly diminish into nothing
but a memory and that too becomes fading,
loosing confidence in the ability to defy gravity,
and becoming more grounded by the hour.
What would it mean to die at the very moment
in which you know you will never again
feel as vibrantly, exquisitely, invincibly
alive?
Nothing Inbetween
Existing, but twisting
To know, even though
We suffer, get tougher
We grow, or stay low
To choose is to lose
No matter what you're after
To sin, and drink gin
To be pure, with no allure.
Is it black, mack?
Towards the light, the white?
I lay in dismay
Peer in the fray, with no shade of grey
Never free,
We will always see
Either to be,
Or not to be.
some real good pieces here, keep them comin guys!!:smile5:
Ok it has been more then two weeks and so here are the results
I think all three deserve to win but if I had to grade them I would put
YesNo is in third positon for simplicity and the catching last two lines - very nice-
Dark Muse in second position for its philosophical style and richeness of language- excellent read
and so in first position and therefore winner of this competition is BookBeauty for its
intriguing and well thought out words and meanings - very well done-
over to you BookBeauty
Congrats Book Beauty