Hi Mir,
I live in West Deer Township... most people never heard of it but its the furthest northeastern township in Allegheny county. I love this board. There are so many good ideas floating around. You?
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Hi Mir,
I live in West Deer Township... most people never heard of it but its the furthest northeastern township in Allegheny county. I love this board. There are so many good ideas floating around. You?
Allison Park - another place most people have neve heard of. :) it's in Hampton Township. but i go to school in the city.
is Allegheny near Hampton?
i love this forum too! it's really interesting to make friends with people you've never even met. and there are lots of great literary games.
Don't know if this is in time for Virg. to consider for contest purposes, but thought I'd post it anyway. By the way, great poems this round everyone. :)
Modern Mythology
He is the light bearer
Like Lucifer
But unfallen.
He is the sharp toothed
Like Fenris Wolf
But unbound.
He is the winged
Like Icarus
But unmistaken.
He is stone
Like the Gargoyle
But Unworn.
He came from the far East
(Made in China).
He emerged from a womb
(Of styrofoam packing).
His blue glass eyes guard
Everyday rooms
Where he is many things to many people.
He is stone,
A beautiful statue
For the one who admires the Gothic.
He is winged,
An angel
For the one who misses a departed pet.
He is sharp toothed,
An image of strength
For the one who imagines running with wolves.
He is the light bearer,
A candle
For the one who is tired of the dark.
ktd--Since I was away when you gave out the responses and decision, I wanted to say thanks for the detailed feedback now. It was nice of you to take the time to write a careful response to each poem.
I'm honored to have come so close ;), but I think you made a great choice with Virgil's streamlined haikus. :nod: A belated congrats to Virg. as well.Quote:
Petrarch, this contest was yours. And then I read Virgil’s poem
Thanks Petrarch.
The current contest is now closed. I will post a winner this evening.
First, let me apologize for taking so long. My father's illness and ultimate passing took me away from this. OK we have a winner. Let's start with the others.
Petrarch's: The repetition of "He is" at first seemed a little boring, but then I realized it reflected the fixed nature of a statuette. I partcularly liked the ending:
What I didn't care for was I felt were two opposing tones, one of seriousness ("He is the light bearer/Like Lucifer/But unfallen") and one of comic ("Made in China" and "from a womb/Of styrofoam packing).Quote:
For the one who imagines running with wolves.
He is the light bearer,
A candle
For the one who is tired of the dark.
Juzjon: Your poem had nothing to do with the image. Perhaps you don't understand the rules? I also didn't understand your spelling, which I at first thought was a mistake but now I believe to be intentional.
Orionsbelt: I thought this was very interesting. This could easily have won, but what confused me was why the insect kingdom? I liked the form and I liked quite a few lines:
andQuote:
The potato bug wondered at the hard stone coat
“A hard and durable shell!
Through the valley of death I could walk with it
and storm the gates of hell.”
Quote:
The council conviened far into the night
The gargoyle consigned by fate
for all the grace in heaven
stone lips will not enter debate
Riesa: :eek: :confused:
Snowpetal: Very nice. Could have been a winner. Some great lines: "I could run with the wind in its starry soar" and
I felt the ending was a little weak, though. I think if you had deeted the last stanza, the poem would have ended just right. I hope you continue with us, Snowpetal.Quote:
I asked for the life that is given to statues
I begged for the fortune that comes with the fame
The prize that I sought has long palled in reflection
For years I have dreamed of my freedom of yore -
autolycus: a good poem. I really liked the flame/fire imagery that ran through it. It's drawback was that I couldn't find any superlative lines that overwhelm. But an interesting story around the statue.
And which brings us to the winner, Mir: A really fun poem. And the rhythm and rhyme was maintained throughout and it complimented the fun and exotic nature of its theme. For instance: notice how this stanza reflects the mood:
But the fun also has the sense of darkness, "the painful gift to cry". I really like that phrase. Here's that stanza:Quote:
Not just birds could loop and twirl,
Glory in the joy of flight -
Every man and every girl,
Every beast had such delight.
And the concluding stanza marries together the dark with the auspicious:Quote:
The one return we were given -
Curse or blessing, ask the sky -
Was the chance to make hearts shriven;
Was the painful gift to cry.
Very good Mir. Now you can select a photo.Quote:
We few, through tears carved or written,
Mourn for pasts where peace was king
Though by fate our dreams are bitten -
In shadows, we find our wings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
:lol: :lol: :lol: Oh, Virgil. :p
Congratulations mir! You deserved it, one heckuva poem.
Congrats Mir. A well deserved win. :)
Congrats Mir! *grin* the inspiration for my own poem anyway. Can't wait to see your new image.
Well Congats mir... I agree. Virgil, the answer is just a whim... I do appreciate your comments. I am not so concerned with winning, I just love making these things up. Looking forward to the next one.
WHOA :eek2: !
didn't see that one coming!
thanks virgil! :D though seriously, i thought everybody's poems were great. i have to say, riesa's was my favorite . . . if only because it is the wordly incarnation of:goof: . :lol:
okay, for a picture . . . i just want to see what everyone makes of this. it's by my favorite artist, Rodin:
http://www.scultura-italiana.com/Gal...n,%201890).jpg
it was either this or the Hand of God, but i couldn't find a good enough picture for that.
What on earth is that person doing? :lol:
I'm glad you like a little :goof: mir. ;)
I guess that's a female? :confused: Does anyone know for certain?Quote:
Originally Posted by mir
Okay, I justed made a little poem :) It's a little rough, but I'll leave it as is.
Sculpting day.
I’m not wearing any clothes today.
The sculptor makes me strike a silly pose,
Balancing on my small and nimble toes.
He slowly begins to shape me out of clay.
The pose is getting too hard for me now.
All he shaped is my little, nimble fingers,
And meanwhile the sculptor lingers,
as he’s working on my frowning brow.
A five-minute break is what I need.
Drinking some booze and eating a cookie,
The sculptor thinks I’m a rookie!
I wouldn’t be if he took up some speed.
He’s working faster than before.
The clay is slipping through his hands,
And an almost finished statue stands,
When there is no more clay galore.
The left arm is still missing.
The sculptor tells me to stop posing
He is now done with all the shaping,
And I look like a freak gone fishing,
On a sculpting day.
i have NO IDEA . . . but i still like the sculpture :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Riesa
i don't know if that's a female or a male, Virgil . . . but i'm leaning toward female because the name of the sculpture is Iris, Messenger of the Gods.
nice poem, Aimus! :D
The Satan lured her
The Apple lured her
The Snake lured her
HE came back and saw us hiding,
HE found the Apocalypse absurd,
HE left us with a bane.
Now,
I stand here
I watch my posterity
I regret.
? nice poem, but . . . it's not really about the picture . . .
I love Snail's. Mir, when a pic is posted I don't think the poem has to be about it per se. It should be inspired by the picture. Here is what I got out of it:
The writhing past is cast
in weathered bronze
the changeless tides still
foaming at her rigid sides
[an eerie coo of rabid waves]
Push and pull
Waste and swell
cord grass beats against her thighs
the ocher skin of monotone
a broken statue’s metal sighs
[only the merry go round and
round on time’s decapitated rim]
Push and pull
Waste and swell
the vestige of a moving limb
Time has no head to rest no face
her neck is an industrial fence
one foot just one precarious knee
held high above her severed waist
What do they pray to?
Push and pull
Push and pull
Agony drunk with agony
Take her.
Thanx MIR,
well the poem is not about the statue per se, but i interepreted the statue in this way.
I felt that the statue represents Adam and the way he is standing is the personification of that regret....well its all about perception i guess....
and thanx Holograph!!!
okay! sorry i misinterpreted! :)
Mir, I think...you didnt Mis-Interprete
...i think You interpreted it Differently ;)
ha ha ha :lol:
what say???
:brow:
:p
so you think the statue's Eve?
heh misinterpreting things is fun . . . http://www.online-literature.com/for...=4389&page=243
NO.....again Misinterpretation he he he
i think its ADAM
ACK!
*hides head in shirt*
sorry . . the "her"s confused me . . .
lol
well i guess things are clearer now a bit !!
Well, that answers it.Quote:
Originally Posted by mir
As I circumscribe a circle through the zodiac with my toe
I know
I stand at the center and all else expands outward from here
I realize
This is the only place that I have experienced since birth
I suppose
Others stand in the their center with me toes out
We dance
:D :thumbs_up
Interesting pic, Mir. I was just wondering if you know where the statue in the photo is now. I seem to remember seeing "Iris, Messenger of the Gods" in Paris, but I thought that version was headless, so I'm confused. :confused: Maybe there are two versions? Maybe I'm just imagining things and it's had a head all along? :confused: :confused: Incidently, I happen to know a bit of background as to the subject of this statue, and the highly suggestive way it was supposed to have been placed into a larger work, but I'm afraid that fact might spoil everyone's fiction. Do people want background material, or would you rather know about that only after the contest is over?
According to Michelangelo
Statues are born, not made.
Their forms are waiting
In the hearts of marble blocks
And in the hot essence
Of liquid bronze.
They are waiting to be brought forth
From the passionate heat of fusing metals
Like infants into a crying world,
And to bestow on that world their beauty.
What then, of this aborted birth?
This monstrous, misshapen birth,
Lacking an arm, with a visage of half-melted skin,
Most of all, lacking the decency to emerge stillborn,
Lacking the decency to calm those flailing, living limbs
Which she presents open and willing
To the initiation
Of another birth.
Petrarch, you're right, i beleive the statue's head originally is missing - i think i remember seeing it in the New York Metropolitan museum, with no head. but i also found this picture when i google imaged the statue, so what i'm guessing is that other casts were made of the figue, and one still has its head. i used that because i thought it would be easier to write poems on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
i'll go for background material - i'm not writing the poems, though :p
thanks for posting your poem! it's great!
alright, since this thread doesn't seem to have attracted any more poems for a while, i'm going to say that the contest will be closed this Saturday at 10 AM Eastern Standard time (for a reference, it's 3:05 here right now.) so if anyone else wants to submit, please do so! and thanks for everybody who has done so so far! :)
OK mir, I will try by saturday. But personal reasons of the last month have prevent me from focusing on anything creative.
Okay . . . i guess i can extend the deadline a little longer; i just thought everybody had forgotten about it so it needed a revival. :D
But i might not be able to get to it until the sunday after next if i don't do it next weekend (this coming weekend, that is). is that okay with people?
OK with me.
Okay with me too, I haven't had a chance to try yet, though I'm afraid it's gonna be tough to beat Petrarch's .
Solidly made, the inherited sacrificial drive
comes easy, taught by other, older
Goddesses of Wondering
Once, her unlined eyes mesmerized
While her brushed cotton softness
won her a place as the artist’s muse
now her embrace is useless,
her discarded passion rusts
A shabby box nests the
few articles of affection
she’s gathered
from him who,
when memory stirs,
checks to see
if she is still capable
of affecting,
he finds
she isn’t, and disregards
the sentiment for a more
tangible ornament,
unconcerned with the woman
forever poised to give all
at the cost of her own
fragile balance.
Mir, did you ever see the film Camille Claudel?
OK, I got one in before the deadline.
Quote:
The Recumbent
Oh those bitter mountain peaks
Thin to meager pennies.
The recumbent feels the fever
The heart recoils into itself
The eyes look back to youthful strife
The end is here, this was life.
Dance, dance, little girl, dance
With crazy legs and arms contort
Dance, dance, my little girl,
For life is short.
Once there was a spring day
With warm Italian sun
Promenade and cigarettes
Recumbents lay in honeymoon
Honeyed days of husband and wife
That was then, that was life.
Dance, dance, little girl, dance
With crazy legs and arms contort
Dance, dance, my little girl,
For life is short.
Now the recumbent rides in casket
And in procession stroll the living
To a place of green and water
Beneath a tree an open hole.
Love and flowers and tears so rife
But that was all, that was life.
Dance, dance, little girl, dance
With crazy legs and arms contort
Dance, dance, my little girl.
OKAY!
sorry this is late, i had a lot more to do this weekend than i thought. and i wanted to write something about each poem, because i thought all of them were wonderful.
But anyways, first here is the picture again:
http://www.scultura-italiana.com/Gal...n,%201890).jpg
And the poems.
Snail, i didn't get this the first time i saw it. i sort of like that, though, because it made me have to think about what you were saying and try to interpret it. i love your last stanza, but i still have to say that the poem is confusing, especially in that it's hard to figure out if you're talking about Adam, Eve, or both, or something else. i think that it's a very good poem, but since you had to explain it to me before i got it, i couldn't choose it as the winner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dry_Snail
Orion, hello from Pittsburgh! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Orionsbelt
i liked your poem as well, especially the first and last lines. the last conpleted the imagery of the poem; the first was just a beautiful sentance that i thought was really cool. i did think that the poem could have used a bit of editing, especially in the little interspersing-lines - "I know", "I realize", "i suppose". But i still thought it was a great poem, and i hope you submit for the next contest!
Petrarch, your poem was very sequential, really telling a story and following a theme, something not many people did. i love some of your ideas - "Lacking the decency to emerge stillborn"; "the initiation of another birth". Your poem captured the contorted changelessness of the statue, forever stuck in a "monstrous, misshapen" form. i think that if the first stanza had been as good as the second, it might have been the winner. but i sort of felt that you really only hit your stride, and the rhythm you wanted, in the second part - although i do love the "infant into a crying world" in the first bit. i still thought that it was a wonderful poem, just a bit too storylike and not flowing enough in the first stanza.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
Aimus, your poem really made me laugh. :lol: the first line is great! and a lot of the rest is very good and funny too, and keeps on track without becoming boring. however, i thought your poem could have used more editing - the rhythm was off in several places, and the rhymes didn't seem quite right to me, like "cookie" and "rookie". i did like your rhyme's form, though; i haven't seen that ABBA structure before and i thought the way you did it was really cool, especially when you moderated it in the last line. so good poem! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by AimusSage
One thing this poem did is teach me a new word! :p no, i didn't know what recumbent means. :bawling: but all the same, Virgil, i liked this poem a lot even before dictionary'ing recumbent. i thought that you had a really cool idea - the quick phases of life, so dance if you can, while you can - if i got it right. but though your second and third long stanzas (the ones ending with "that was life") were very good, i thought the first one wasn't really connected. i did like the "dance, dance, little girl, dance" interludes, but i didn't really get the "recumbent" connection in places. However, as always, your writing makes me feel like finding out where you live, going over, shaking you, and saying "Teach me how to write!!!" :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
These last two poems, Riesa and Holograph's, made me wish that there could be allowed two winners for this contest. both these poems were beautiful. Riesa, the last part of your poem - the longest stanza - was absolutely wonderful, especially from the "Unconcerned with the woman" until the end. Your imagery is lovely, and i liked the way that you humanized the statue while still sort of keeping her confined in her bronze shell. But, though your poem was very good, it did have a few things that kept me from choosing it as the winner. A lot of the things you said were confusing, and didn't really connect to the picture - for instance, "brushed cotton softness", "shabby box", or the very first stanza. after the first two stanzas, i thought the rest was great - but i think that the poem could use a different beginning, and be a bit more true to the statue. unless i've gotten completely confused about what you were trying to say. but anyways, great poem, i had a lot of fun reading it. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Riesa
Holograph, your poem definitely gave me the most vivid images of any. the detached rhythm and the beautiful imagery, and the seeming disconnectedness the first time i read it, but which i was soon able to realize a common theme in - all of that made the poem a sort of great timeless, melancholy observation. i didn't really get the connection of several of the lines to the main idea - it was that the statue is like time, right? - but even when i didn't get them, they seemed to fit. you drew in a background for the sculpture, at least how i saw it; i felt like the statue was at the edge of a grey, endless sea, and i really felt something when i read the poem. Great job! can't wait to see your picture! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by holograph
and thanks everybody for submitting - i loved all the poems.
Congratulations Holograph!
And thanks for the comments Mir. :)
Congratulations from me too Holograph. A very nice poem.
And thank you Mir.