"Damn, and I didn't even bring one of those stylish fedoras!" Meanwhile, the whitecoats were already...
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"Damn, and I didn't even bring one of those stylish fedoras!" Meanwhile, the whitecoats were already...
moving in on the now un-masked man, who had been masquerading as a woman. I pulled a picture out of my jacket pocket. Yeah. This was the guy the dame wanted me to tail, all right. Well, as far as I was concerned...
the only tail I wanted relations with was the dame herself. I leaned in real close to the guy and whispered. . . .
"Hey got any gum or mints? I know a dame that needs kissing" He turned to me and said "pal, 20 packs of gum would not be able to freshen your breath! What the heck have you been eating?" Blushing, I replied to him....
. . . oozing zombie fingers laced with turnips, of course! The guy began to shudder, and turning to the white coats holding his arms, said. . . .
Oozing zombie fingers and turnips!!?! Oh Noessss! Taketh me away!
Looking at him oddly, the entire crowd said in one breath "Taketh? What is this 1697 or something?" Oddly enough....
I understood exactly where he was coming from. Too many nights spent chasing dames in a Shakespearean theatre troupe will do that. Sighing, I slapped him across the face to bring him out of it. He turned to me with a look of wonder. . . .
... in his toes.
The girl from across the street and three doors down...
has never thought of herself all her life. But this special morning, she ...
...wondered which suitor she loved more, instead of which one would make a better husband. This thought led to...
a diversion from the maintrack of the story, which was fine, because it was getting complicated anyway. So this young lass was wondering which dude would be better to march down the asile with. There was Larry, the dark sensitive, but sort of boring type, and John, the devilish, live-for-today character: very interesting, but what about the long run? She looked in the mirror and sighed deeply. She wasn't...
a good housekeeper and that was one super smudged mirror. Taking a bottle of windex in one hand and an old newspaper in the other (newspaper makes a good tool for window cleaning for real!) she stopped just before beginning her task and noticed a headline on the old paper that read...
Police Seek Suspect IN Catburgulary. There was a police artist sketch, and even though these are usually of poor quality, she was certain she knew that face. It just had to be...
Robin Hood! She noted the jaunty leather cap with the feather in the brim and the green blouse. I could read her face like detective story. She was wondering if I had seen...
her trip. Let's face it, the dame was a total klutz. "How odd" I said to myself for I had just noticed that...
her shoes didn't fit all that well, and come to think of it, neither did that dress. I glanced again at the police sketch. Hummm. You know, if you allowed for the plastered-on makeup, her own face would fit the description as well. "What did you say your name was?" I asked her. The left hand that went up to scratch her hair had calloused fingers. She replied...
"I donot remember"
I am so happy because......
....jimmy cracked corn and I do care.
I wouldn't go with you for all the......
angels that can dance on the head of this pin!
Sherlock Holmes examined the footprints with his magnifying glass. "There is no doubt. The culprit is...
...guilty.
The trucker was so busy reading Burma Shave signs that he...
dropped his popsicle.
Oliver felt sick and the little girl with the pointed nose said:
if you wouldn't eat fried worms, you wouldnt' feel this way.
Oliver turned away from the little girl and thought. . . .
Fried worms? Everybody knows they taste better when still alive!
So he looked back and said to her:...
"You're just a silly little girl! What do you know?!"
Unfortunately, upon uttering those fateful words. . . .
a whole roving gang of little girls arrived on the scene, pretty annoyed at Oliver's sexist remarks. "Silly, huh?" the leader said meanly, while twirling her pink hair ribbon. " Kid, I am going to show you what silly really means!"
gulping loudly, Oliver brushed the sweat from his brow and said....
gulping loudly, Oliver brushed the sweat from his brow and said confusingly, "where's the beef?"
Then Eddy came wondered out of Yellowstone, and looking up at the full moon, screams...
"All you silly girls are belong to us"
Obviously, eddy spend to much time on the internet and...
suffered from a nasty case of carpal tunnel syndrome. Wondering just who this Eddy dude was, but glad of the distraction he provided, Oliver used the opportunity to make a break for it and escape the marauding pre-pubescent females. Suddenly a shocking turn of events occured....
Oliver realized with growing horror why Eddy had yelled about the girls belonging to "them." All of the girls suddenly and quickly turned into werewolves! Olvier turned to see Eddy leaning against the wall buffing his nails. "It's nothing personal, old chap." Eddy remarked as Oliver went down under the onrush of fur and fangs. "Somebody has to...
be dinner for wolf-girls and they sure don't want Kraft macaroni and cheese!".
Then, the pack leader belched gently and then looked at the treacherous Eddy with a gleam in her eye. Putting down his nail buffer, Eddy...
picked up his modified machine gun loaded with custom-made silver bullets. Noting this, the pack leader. . . .
tried twirling her pink hair ribbon again as a distraction which did not work nearly as well as she might have hoped. Eddy, noticing he had a slight advantage over the young girl-wolves took his chance to...
comb his hair, and check his reflection in a mirror. His idol was Beau Brummel, and he always dressed to the nines, and was extremely fussy about grooming. As the wolf-girls drew slowly and cautiously closer, Eddy remarked. "You know, I really would hate to use this gun. It might not go over so well with The Big Man Downstairs. So what say we just...
"...have a group manicure session. My nails for sure need more buffing and all those claws you gals have look like they need a trim".
Looking down at their feet/paws, the wolf-girls howled in unison and....
...then waited, as if listening to see if the moon would howl back. To my surprise, it...
ate people. I thought the bloody...
world was coming to an end! Lady Werewolves and a bloodthirty Moon! What next, a flock of Harpies? Dang, I sould have kept my big mouth shut! Fortunately, no one knew yet that fastidious Eddy was actaully a Vampire. A Dragon was out there...
Eating peace sign waving hippies. They wished that there voices would be heard, but in the end all that was heard was...
a faint echo of a song..."all we are saying, is give peace a chance"
Eddy looked around him, somewhat distraught. Here it was daytime, no peaceloving do-gooder hippie types to feed on and him without his 450 spf sunblock. "Uh oh" said Eddy...
...noting that an egg was sizzling on the sidewalk. "It looks like someone in the basement apartment has forgotten to turn off..."