Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Catamaran - 1) wind aided multi-hulled water vehicle that can be very swift sometimes, e.g. with the sails not dragging in the water
2) What cats do when threatened with water or other stimuli (past-tense)

Cat

Cat: A creature whose name, like its nature, are remarkably close to rat, in that it should be skewered with a rake, then burned.

Rake:

Rake: 1) Implement of the devil created to cause human suffering by using it on the leaves every fall. 2) Male person of dubious character who seems to get lucky with a lot of women

I changed my misspelled word. That's what I get for depending on spell-check!

Mental Illness:

Mental Illness: 1) Not to be confused with metal illness (speed metal/heavy metal/head-banging/other, or rust [as intimated earlier]): Something nearly everyone has to a degree, but rarely admitted, treated, or cured. Mental illness is a two edge sword that may drive creativity or bring one to paralysis... or worst http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...tm_source=digg . 2) One of the most lucrative revenue streams that monopolistic drug tzars depend on.

Monopoly ?

Monopoly: A tedious board game where the goal is to get all the play money and property and make everyone else broke.

Money:

Money: An necessary evil, but love of it is the root of all evil

Birthday:

Birthday: When a Hollywood bimbo pops out of a cake and sings to you and for unknown reasons calls you "Mr. President."

Cleavage:

Cleavage: A demarcation between two things that is exaggerated and clearly visible so that the things themselves can be left to the viewer’s perverted imagination.

For example the sentence, “The cleavage between metaphysical idealism and metaphysical realism produces an existential tension where both sides think the other is moronic” tells you nothing, but it does accentuate the demarcation between these two things and does its best to tease you to explore further.

Exploration:

Exploration: What you do with your hand behind the girl's back as you fecklessly search for the clasp.

Satisfaction:

Satisfaction: Apparently Mick Jagger just can't get it

Solitude:

Solitude: Ideal state of being

Meditation:

Meditation: Deep thought on the nature of one's navel

Trance:

Trance: A state of reduced responsiveness to normal stimuli so that other forms of consciousness can finally get their two cents in.

Two cents in:

Two cents in: Most times the worth of a wooden nickel (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wooden_nickel ); not to be confused with a plug nickel.

Worth:

Worth: The tendency of an already bad situation to decline further, i.e. things go from bad to worth.

YesNo, I do deeply dig your definition of trance, and Dark Muse, I couldn't agree more about solitude.

Stillness:

Stillness: An unspecified period of time that for some reason always comes after sundown, I.e. "The stillness of the night." "In the still of the night." etc

Eon:

Eon: What a neon sign says after the 'n' has broken.

Curmudgeon:

Curmudgeon: Me, myself, and I

Dipstick:

Dipstick: "My girlfriend likes to dress up as a mechanic and say: "Hey, big fella, why don't you bring your dipstick over here and check my oil.""

Purloined:

Purloined: High class for "stolen"

Hoity-toity:

Hoity Toity: Some say it means “pretentious”. Some claim there is a valid alternate definition and it also means “silly”. Others say those two definitions are basically the same thing.

Valid:

Hoity-toity: Pretentious, pompous, self-important, or nearly everyone on Twitter.

Self-promotion:

Valid: Considered true because someone famous enough to matter has declared it to be so


Self-promotion: The ability of a charismatic person to talk about themselves in a way that makes them oddly intriguing or able to preform miracles.

Miracle:

Oops, missed valid altogether. ;-) Miracle: A word some men my age invoke on those occasions when the, er, equipment performs as intended. Not me, of course. I'm a bulwark of virility and stamina.

Bravado:

Bravado: False confidence or courage, such as a balding man with a comb-over and 200 pounds of spare tire who still thinks he's God's gift to women, while all the women are headed to God's gift exchange

Self-image:

Self-image: What happens when you look in a mirror.

Pixel:

Pixel: A kludge of a word made from the two words picture and element. It means one of the tiny dots on the screen of your computer monitor which, combined with thousands of others, comprise the image you see.

Pendragon, your definition of bravado should win a blue ribbon. Or at least a slice of key lime pie. YesNo, your quip about self-image was clever and nifty.

Murky:

Murky: Water that has enough mud or pollution in it to make you think twice about swimming in it, or eating any fish you happen to catch

Thanks for the shout out, Tyrion Cheddar!

Unfiltered:

Unfiltered: The way I like my adult content. And when I say adult content, I do mean pro wrestling. Why, what did you think I meant?

innuendo:

innuendo: The art of referring to something considered vulgar without resorting to vulgarity

Hoodwink:

Hoodwink: 1) To fool, or to otherwise prevaricate. 2) Tiddlywinks as played in the hood. ;)

The hood:

The hood: That dangerous part of town where guys go about in hoodies, which evidently causes enough fear for people's lives that they shoot unarmed people with impunity

Justified:

Justified: What you call millions of kids around the world when they fall in love with a little twerp from Canada who, starting with a simple video on YouTube, turned into an international (and very unfortunate) singing sensation.

And tailor, your 'tiddlywinks as played in the hood' is another forum award winner.

Gargantuan:

Gargantuan: About the size of King Kong, give or take a meter...

Grotesque:

Grotesque: A word denoting something hideous and horrifying, whose appearance causes great distress, except in architectural parlance where it is a synonym for 'sublime' and 'progressive'.

Danger:

Danger: A perceived sense that something is about to cause you difficulty, distress, and pain. Also something that in the opinion of someone else could be damaging to you, your family, or your well being.

Opinion:

Opinion: A show of humility by acknowledging that the fact one has just stated might not be true.

Humility:

Humility: A level of moisture in the air low and comfortable enough so as not to call attention to itself.

Citation

Double post

Double post: What Calidore is allowed to do after making that excellent witticism about humility. ;-)

Citation: Something one normally can only get out of by offering sexual favors to the officer who pulled you over.

Suggestive: