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Liquor - from L'ichor, 'The blood of the Gods' and who would I be to disagree - it fortifies the spirit against sorrow, woe and loss; it makes a party where there is none to be had; it makes all men feel like brothers - but don't overdo it! That's all I can say - too much will result in the ducks and drakes, and give you nightmares from which there is no respite
see also 'Lost Weekend'
Lost Weekend
Lost Weekend Result of a rather long bottle party in which everything with the slightest alcoholic content has been consumed including the after shave and canned heat
Stoned
Stoned: A state of altered consciousness resulting from A) substance abuse or B) being pelted with rocks.
Circumstance: One's position on foreskin removal.
Composer
socks
(1) Perishable clothing item which disappears from your drawer after an average of three washes.
(2) Self-pleasuring accessory used to cover the male article in order to prevent soiling of the bedding upon climaxing.
beer
Composer One who assaults the ear using classical music
Beer The leading cause of obesity in the world
Lodge
Lodge - headquarters of a secretive organisation comprising professional lawn-mowers and tree-loppers, whom on the weekend transform into 'The Garden Masons' who drink a lot of home-brewed ale and compare true stories about the previous seven days. Note: only lawn-mowers and tree-loppers - no lumberjacks or landscapers who go by different names and meet in different premises; though the homebrew is much the same, the tales most definitely are not
Hedgehog
Hedgehog God's joking way of showing us that all pets are not cuddly
Platypus
Platypus - God's ultimate joke on Darwin for He knew the day would come - so here it is, by defying the evolutionary laws as they were being laid down: a furry mammal with a duck bill and feet, tail of an otter, that lays eggs, has poisonous barbs at the end of it's toenails, and last but by no means least - and get this - stuns it's prey with electricity like an electric ray!
Darwin ultimately conceded that it was either Friday in Heaven, or a side-project to occupy the Creator on a Wintry Sunday afternoon using up a few spare parts
(he awarded it one star for creative effort, but later retracted upon having to accept it is not necessarily the survival of the fittest, but rather the survival of anything that can survive)
Catacombs
Catacombs Places where human bones are kept in underground vaults. For some reason they are set up like labyrinths either to keep the spirits of the dead confused and wandering or to confuse the tourist and add to the collection...
Parsimonious
Parsimonious Able to grab money with both hands and thoroughly incapable of letting it go.
Moon
Moon That which supposedly works to drive people insane, thus causing them to drop their pants and expose their buttocks at other people, which I am given to understand constitutes an insult
Gesture
Gesture - action not meant to be taken seriously
'What's this?'
'It's a gratuity.'
'A?'
'You know, a tip - to show my appreciation.'
'Of what?'
'The service.'
'You weren't impressed?'
'No, I was very impressed - that's why I've supplied a tip.'
'Oh - what should I have done to earn a whole dollar?'
'I'm not sure - in the nude?'
'Listen why don't you take this 50 cents and stick it up-...'
Uranium
Uranium Small angry molecules that have a tendency to go boom at bad times and may one day destroy the earth as we know it
Extraterrestrial
Extraterrestrial - watch out for these gentlemen, they might not be so gentle as you think! Sporting vapouriser pistols and plasma guns, some of them shoot laser beams from their big buggy eyes, while others are all squirmy like gooey land octopuses with tentacles and are covered in poisonous exploding toady warts and razor sharp claws...
Gives me the chills just thinking about it.
Haunted House
Haunted House Sort of like The Blair Witch Project, a building where serious investigators such as SyFy's own Ghost Hunters manage to scare themselves silly while collecting evidence that at best is open to a lot of interpretation.
One thing that always amazes me is that people testify to seeing ghosts in broad daylight and yet investigators have to wait till dark and then turn off all lights except night vision...
Poltergeist