Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Refuge - A place for refugees, somewhere between a a deluge, for delugees, and refuse, for refusees

Best not to think about it - it'll ruin your day


Promised Land

Promised Land Mysterious place, sometimes known as "the sweet by and by" where all our sorrow and pain will be turned to joy. Unfortunately, we live in "the nasty now and now".

Depression A black day in a series of black days

Lethe

Lethe Ancient river whose water caused forgetfulness. Now bottled and sold as Absinthe, Tequila, etc...

Doornail

Doornail: A special kind of nail used when putting up boards to keep the zombies out. Designed to break away at dramatically appropriate moments.

Genitalia: Roman family tree

Odyssey

Odyssey Exploratory journey, such as trying to find happiness at the bottom of a glass

Shot Glass

Shot Glass- A small glass with an 'r' missing.

Death

Death Life's natural endgame, in which our "King", the actual breath of life, falls to The Grim Reaper's current stratagem


Taxes

Taxes - that which those who can least afford to, pay the most; and conversely those who can most afford to, pay the least

Originally installed because every money grubbing scam the government has come up with to steal our precious hard-earned, from traffic cams, to laser cams, from registration to license fees to compulsory third party to a whack at the bowser to stamp duty to council rates to parking meters - well it obviously just isn't enough to fund these dead-beat bureaucrats' extended holidays and - you think the cosa nostra are evil - they're nothing compared to our elected representatives

And instead of locking them up, we hand them gold passes and listen as they try to act intelligent and deflect criticism - and it's just the same tired game that's been going on since Ancient Greece

My solution? Don't vote - it only encourages them. One day we'll get the government we deserve


Tax Return

Tax Return A return by the government of a fraction of the amount of money forcibly removed from the taxpayers checks in the hope of making the taxpayer unaware of how much he or she has actually been snookered out of to pay for things like "The Advanced Study of Cow Flatulence"

Bill of Rights

Bill of Rights Document of the US Government which now has to be interpreted to fit specific events, in spite of its very simple statements.

Reopen To put the dice back into the cup for another throw

Invention

Invention - (n) something which the world had lived comfortably without for all its ages, until some smarty pants had arrived at a means to improve his bank balance by convincing everyone they never knew how they lived without it

Invention - (v) the secret offspring of the necessitous father and imaginative mother of itself, but which soon the world will know when it comes to need it to mow its lawns




Telegraph Wires

Telegraph Wires - Outdated technology worth more in monetary value than in usage.

Handcuff

Handcuff Painful procedure tantamount to Police Brutality, where in the "person of interest" is slammed into several walls, the ground, etc, has his/her arms twisted behind the back painfully, and has their rights read to him/her while he/she is too stunned to comprehend

Search Warrent

Search Warrant - piece of paper which under the fourth amendment can be issued by an authority as probable cause - well, thanks to that it makes it even easier for someone with grade school literacy skills to dupe an unwary illiterate out of their belongings

Good Cop: [holding a folded flyer for a special at the local air salon] 'We have a warrant to search your house for illicit things!'

Victim: 'Oh - in that case you'd better come in, I guess.'

Bad Cop: 'What's this? Looks like a stolen big screen plasmabox and surround sound system to me. Help me take this into the car would you?'

Victim: 'Funny - that doesn't look like a police car to me - in fact you don't look like police-'

Good cop: 'We're undercover - any more questions and we'll arrest you for assaulting us...'



Guilty Pleasures

Guilty Pleasures The terribly satisfying things one enjoys that one later regrets

Liquor