Witch: The female version of a wizard with a long history of martyrdom both at the stake and in their portrayal in the movies. They usually have black cats and anti-gravity brooms.
Black Cat:
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Witch: The female version of a wizard with a long history of martyrdom both at the stake and in their portrayal in the movies. They usually have black cats and anti-gravity brooms.
Black Cat:
Black Cat: Felicia Hardy, a sexy super-heroine in the Spiderman comics who was once a crook and seems to have the ability to give others bad luck.
Riff Raff:
Riffraff is formally defined as people who are not respectable. Rabble. Rubbish. In other words, folk wot know 'ow to 'ave a good time whilst the respectable folk sit there with a broom 'andle parked up their bum.
Bawdy:
Bawdy: Lewd, crude and hopefully nude.
Dracula:
Dracula: Still Bestselling Book by Bram Stoker that may or may not be based on Vlad Țepeș Dracula, who was called "the impaler"
Frankenstein:
Frankenstein: An attempt to make a human being without resorting to sexual reproduction. It is unclear why any male in his right mind would want to do something like this.
Right Mind:
Right Mind: A mental frame which the blinkered, the unthinking, and the mad frequently claim to occupy.
Morbidity:
That quality of an Item on ebay that makes you bid above your limit.
Spoonerism
Spoonerism: To wix your mords up so badly, you don't even snow what you're trying to kay!
Off Plum.
Off Plum. Well, now, if it were 'off plumb' I'd say it means 'not vertical.' An off plum, of the other hand, is undoubtedly a plum wot's spoiled. Then there's Eve Plumb, who played Jan on the Brady Bunch. I reckon she's pretty off by now.
Off (one's) nut:
Off One’s Nut: To have finally found a way outside the box you are in. Others will try to put you back in.
Outside the box:
Outside the box: The best place for a Christmas present.
Debate
Debate: A spectacle where two or more people present their positions on selected topics for an audience who are later polled so the media can announce who “won” the spectacle. There may be an election afterwards where the entire audience as well as those who couldn’t care less about the spectacle get a chance to “vote” for a winner. This winner continues to the next debate or, if there is no further debate, is declared “elected” and the spectacle is said to be “over”.
Spectacle:
Spectacle: An eye monocle. Half a pair of glasses.Outrageous behavior.
Vote:
I can't resist quoting the original definition from Bierce, simply because it is so good.
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Volunteer:
Volunteer: a) something a court orders you to do, allegedly to make up for something naughty wot you did earlier, i.e. mandatory volunteerism, or b) a poor schmuck whose wife ropes him into spending an afternoon painting the school gym on behalf of "the community."
The Community:
The Community: A generally fictitious group of people the judge orders you to spend time serving unless the judge feels such service might do more harm than good.
Scary:
scary: a precursor to the bejeebers coming out of you!
mellow:
mellow: Drunk enough that anything goes
Drunk:
Drunk: Self-medicated.
Costume:
Costume: Clothes that make the man--look ridiculous...
False Face:
False Face: The countenance one adapts when they are in over their head and are claiming to have pretensions of something, wealth, class, noble family, other country citizenship that one doesn't actually have. The false face fools only the fool using it.
Fool:
Fool: Something which, on occasion, a doctor makes you give him a sample of. Sorry, that's stool. Fool: A guy who is either astonishingly dim-witted, and/or someone who engages in exceedingly risky behavior for no good reason. Look at that, I actually didn't make a funny.
Bimbo:
Bimbo: A wonderful female, beautiful, kind and loving. Some guys think she’s not smart enough for them to be interested in her. That’s because she's too smart to be interested in those guys.
Smart:
Smart, Maxwell. The finest secret agent there ever was.
99
99:
• 66 upside down (hence) 99 standing on her head
• The number of bottles one starts with in the (forgive the tautology) old saw of bottles of beer; not to be confused with gg in cyberspeak
• A marketing ploy used to make one believe they're saving more than a penny
Beer:
Beer: A path to drunkenness that requires the ability to consume a larger quantity of fluids.
Absolute zero:
Absolute zero: The point at which a person finally comes to the conclusion that he or she hasn't a clue.
Boiling Point:
Boiling Point: The point at which a liquid is so drunk it turns into a gas.
Transmutation:
Transmutation: A man, or woman, who either identifies as or outwardly presents themselves to be a member of the opposite sex, and also has a parade thrown in their honor every year. Sorry, that's transgender. Transmutation: the alchemist's dream of changing base metal into gold--impossibly for the ancients, try though they might, but attainable soon enough through nanotechnology.
Prism:
Prism: A naturally occurring lens that takes in the light of the sun and vomits in seven vivid colors
Alchemist:
Alchemist: A guy wot I really admire, because, like all the best thinkers and artists, he spends his whole life doing nothing the world recognizes as respectable or valuable, but which is, in fact, chock full of inner riches the world will never know.
Peerage:
Peerage: Ancestor deification taken to the extreme, as one who has illustrious ancestors fills like it makes him or her somehow better-than-thou. A ancestral right to live like a slob and act like a snob.
Ancestors:
Ancestors: What future generations will call us.
Eyeball:
Eyeball: tr. v. - our built in system of measurement, often pretty inaccurate, but good enough for most life situations. Not to be used to measure out drinks when you are already up to the eyeballs in the stuff.
rule of thumb
rule of thumb: A principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation, named perhaps for the fact that human have opposable thumbs which allow them to rule.
Whole nother:
Whole nother: Even better than a half nother, unless you're allergic.
Guacamole
Guacamole: An arcade game in which players use mallets to strike randomly appearing moles back into their holes. Wait, wait. That's whack-a-mole. Sorry. Guacamole: A delicious avocado dip involving tomatoes, onion and a bunch of other stuff.
Note: While looking up the well-known and supposed historical origin of the term rule of thumb, namely that it refers to a rule stating that a husband may beat his wife with a stick, provided the stick is no wider than his thumb, I learned that this old chestnut is pure poppycock. Never did such a rule exist, either in the U.S. or Britain. This discovery led to an immediate sinking feeling on my part, as I wondered if those storied good old days of which we hear in rhyme and song ever truly existed...
Further note: The above mot is likely to bring the business end of a meat cleaver down on one's head if offered in the presence of a woman, hence a full suit of body armor is recommended if one is intending to do so.
Effluence:
Effluence: One of that infamous trinity of fluence words that has made scholarly blood flow needlessly for centuries. All fluence words relate to flow or flowing. Effluence is a flowing outward. Affluence is a flowing inward. And influence is when the flow is so irrational, both inward and outward, that all parties do their best to confuse the other.
Good Old Days:
Good Old Days: When a man could have a meat pie, a mug of ale and a tavern wench for a copper.
Wench: