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I have debated what I should set the deadline for since I will be gone the first weak in August, thus being unable to judge at that time so instead of making you all just wait in suspense or forcing you to rush by setting the deadline in time for me to judge before leaving, I will give you all an extra week and set the deadline on the day of my return.
Deadline August 8
Thanks qim for your kind comments - and DM for a super winning entry (and apologies for such a tardy response - back on-line after a short 5-day break South of the border).
H
Welcome back and thank you!
What a great idea for a thread :D
Here's my attempt at writing something which rhymes...
Light
I used to live at night
With no eye for the day
"Pleasure lies in the shadows"
At any price I'd pay
All that is gone, by my own fault
I threw it all away
To live between these four walls
and wait for my decay
Night is no refuge anymore
just darkness, a nasty smell
I don't know whether time does pass
there are no signs which tell
"Light is hope" they say
"Keep looking at the stars"
But all the light I'll ever know
is behind those four bars.
I look out through the barred window
At the gently setting sun—
Knowing I’ll remain a prisoner
After all is said and done
These bars aren’t made of steel
The cell’s not cold concrete—
I’m imprisoned by my flesh and bone
And the secrets that I keep
A life sentence lasts for ever
Seems like it will never be gone
When the bars aren’t made of steel
And the cell’s not made of stone…
Pendragon
©July 17, 2010
tomorrow, i will laugh
when you
still see me in my cage
in the beginning
all was without form and void
and then all was bright
man never at ease
made laws of symbol and line
logic was his creed
man structured his light
safe behind his bars of thought
felt in darkness freed
penitentiary
the long slow deep
scratch marks
on the dilapidated wall
tell a story
on the ground
broken fingernails
lay as material witness
there’s no set schedule
for torture
the anticipation
is part of the torture
screams echo
in the empty cell
at times it’s only
in the head
outside
freedom awaits
in silence
there are
no visible scars
no feelings
nothing
it’s a different kind
of emptiness
so many times
I wake up not knowing
which side of the bars
I’m on
how exhilarating is the mere thought
of liberty and freedom;
through a small peep hole in the cell
I can see God's Kingdom.
Sunlight and moonlight
pour in equally through the bars
these signs of God bring me joy
and tend to heal my scars.
God created us all free
but man is enemy of man's freedom
man-made laws cover us all
what's sin for one is not crime for some.
Smilingly Steel bars of the cell
open the sky for my view
I find my vault inside a bigger vault
lost in the sea like a drop of dew. .
THE BLACKSMITH’S CURSE
What thoughts passed through the blacksmith’s mind
the day he wrought these rigid bars;
their geometry, the devil’s grin,
a sacrilege to sun and stars.
Could he imagine one night spent
behind that smile, the cell door slammed,
the wakening nightmare as the howls
of anguish rise from those he damned.
How will he face his anvil now,
his potter’s wheel, his weaver’s loom,
his calloused fingers prised from prayer
and forced to forge another’s doom.
H
It's mocking me, this light
promising something it cannot give
the darkness I know
pierced each day by pseudolight
fake for the lies it tells me
it promises me hope
that I do not possess
stuck here behind bars
parallel lines throwing shadows
on my pale eyes
I dream each night
that the light will disappear
that I won't wake
but my traitorous heart
keeps beating
my murderous eyes, seeing
my base soul, feeling
and the light shines on
while I in darkness lie
Here's mine:
It's Not
A lie
is a
prison.
Every iteration
An incarceration.
I build
mine all
myself.
The iron bars are strong
enough to cage the wrong.
"It is
okay"
I said.
I heave at the lie's edge
that smells like raw sewage.
But it
is not.
*delete*
Another near impossible contest to judge. I abolsutely loved to see the so many different ways people viewed this image. All of the poems were truly excellent and I greatly enjoyed reacing each of them, though I hated the task of having to choose a single winner.
Without further delay here it is:
zoolane: You did a wonderful job of capturing such strong and profound emotions in so few words. You truly created a vivid scene of dreariness and despair, and put the reader in the mind of the prisoner. A very moving poem.
jersea: I thought you had a rather interesting perspective in your poem. I really enjoyed the concept behind it, and the way in which you intermixed fairy tales and childhood rhymes within the poem. The end was quite chilling and I liked the way in which it shed a realistic light upon the idyllic fantasy of those stories by showing the truth that there is none to come and rescue you. I also loved the idea of ones escaping through their imagination.
qinissung: I do not know if I could say it better than Prince, this was indeed a truly excellent and human poem. It is a very provoking and moving piece which sheds a light of humanity upon the position of the imprisoned with some very vivid imagery which really brings it all into life. I thought the last line was particularly stunning and a superb ending to this poem.
Sapphire: Bravo to you in your quest to rhyme and I thought you did a very good job with it. I loved the idea of this poem and in spite of the despair of the subject, there was something almost playful about it. It reminds me of some Irish drinking songs. The rouge who has met his ill fate at last. I particularly loved the last verse.
Pendragon: Another excellent poem from you. You do know how to use every single word to ultimate effect. And you have created such a powerful impact compacted into this short verse. It was precise and to the point and it hit with a great force.
DanielBenoit: I loved the way in which you were able to put so much into so few lines. I quite enjoyed the bitter, cynic tone of this poem. It was a small poem which came with a lot of bite.
autolycus: I absolutely loved the concept of your poem, I thought it was fantastic. The poem itself was masterfully crafted. You did a marvelous job. Every word was used perfectly to the up most and greatest affect.
Haunted: You created such a chilling and haunting poem. I thought the use of the short lines within this poem worked quite well to further enhance the effect of the words. You captured such a desperation and isolation. The last verse was a perfect ending for the poem and really hit the message home.
mazHur: Loved your unique concept upon the poem. The way in which the prisoner seems to find some comfort in spite of his position. Also loved the rather provoking idea of the way in which men do impose laws upon one another which go against natural born freedom. I thought the last line was quite beautiful.
hillwalker: A stunning poem. I loved your approach to the subject, viewing it from the perspective of the actual maker of the prison. I thought you told the story in a very powerful way which actually gave it the feeling of old folktale or legend. I loved the way in which the tension of the regret of the weight of what he had done cane be felt.
AdoreroDio: You had some wonderful lines within this poem and I myself love playing with that concept of the idea of light often being seen as something which brings and offers hope. I liked the way you took that idea and turned it around, making the light the enemy to the one whom is denied it, and a constant taunt. I most particularly loved these last lines:
"my murderous eyes, seeing
my base soul, feeling
and the light shines on
while I in darkness lie"
The Comedian: I really liked the style and structure of your poem, and you always bring something so unique to the table. I admit that I am not sure I fully grasp the meaning of this poem, but I found it a rather interesting read.
But the winner is
~Drumroll~
Alexander III: Among all of the excellent entries for this contest yours struck out at me the most. Your poem is masterfully crafted. I absolutely loved your use of language, the images you create and the concept of your poem. The final line really was the perfect way to end this poem and sold the rest of it, tying it all together in such a vivid and unique idea.
Congrats, Alexander. Your poem was so vivid I could almost see the painting on the wall. :)