....sticking my Capt'n Jack poster to the wall.
My hands go numb when....
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....sticking my Capt'n Jack poster to the wall.
My hands go numb when....
I've had them around my employer's neck for an extended period of time. :D
The Thane of Fife, he. . . .
got run over by a train.
Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed, poor moutaineer barely....
could git up an' outta bed. ;)
We're off to see the Wizard...
....the gnarly old wizard of trees...
Life is terrible when you're dancing up....
...glass mountains.
Playgrounds should...
always provide bark for you to eat when you fall off the monkey bars.
When I sit and contemplate the universe. . .
it always looks away, I guess the universe is shy, sometimes it tells me not to look at it, with a soft shy voice.
When the antz where locked in they...
immediately held a conference as to the next course of action, rounded up all the troops, and managed to break their way out with a battering stalk.
If bitten by a rabid animal. . .
the best course of action shoud be to bite back.
Once when I saw Barbara Walters on TV....
I realized that I had the wrong channel again, so I took my remote, aimed carefully, and changed that channel! You gotta be a man about it sometimes!
If the moon were actually made of green cheese...
I wonder if you would need green crackers.
Life is a bowl of cherries, but you must watch out for the ...
...cherry thiefs, or you might find that one day when you wake up you are missing a leg, taken by the cherry thiefs that took a few cherries from your bowl.
Godzilla and the powerrangers where having a...
tea party.
When suddenly Godzilla turned and said (bellowed?)....
Do you guys want another cup of tea?
The power rangers, having an important superboss fight in a few minutes said:...
"Well, better get ready, guys. Here comes some lame special effects again!"
Sherlock Holmes raised the piece of bloody pipe to within a inch of his eye and shouted...
"Wow, do I ever need a manicure!"
If olive oil is made from olives, then baby oil must be...
....made from baby drool.
Web cams are annoying, yet save....
. . . the hassle of finding something constructive to do with your time.
Ovens are practical, but toasters . . . .
are the root cause of most at home accidents.
Last night, I saw the most amazing...
. . . toe fungus; it was blue and smelled like rotten milk.
Running four fans in your room at once . . .
might be akin to overkill.
It was so hot today, I could almost fry an egg on the...
...inside of the washing machine.
Skiing indoors is like....
. . . wetting the bed; it's kind of a waste of time.
When sweat interferes with your typing . . .
you need to get a moisture proof keyboard.
May I offer you a cool beverage, such as....
....just be glad you aren't getting frostbite.
How the obese matron likes to think is rather unseemly in.....
matters of apparel. You simply cannot force ten pounds of mud into a five pound sack!
I think I'll walk down to the graveyard tonight, as there is ...
bound to be some nice ghosts haunting the place.
I need a nice hot cup of....
...used motor oil.
The only thing visible from the cockpit of the plane...
...was the green and brown "sky."
Sausage and pepperoni go...
...to the movies.
Smile, you're on...
the video cam in my police car, buddy! Care to repeat that last remark again?
The Judge looked down sternly at the trembling defendant before he...
...tossed a marshmallow into the defendant's mouth.
Nothing beats the opportunities available in...
....the magical land of Kalamazoo.
Where strange music dwells, there....
....dwell I.
When the banana companies came. . . .
....all the sane people disappeared.
If I never were to sing, I would...
have to take up yodeling.
"Peel me a grape" she said and....
....immediately fainted.
However, the crook was decidedly....
...straight.
Be careful you don't...
. . . . fall into an open sewer and die.
Papercuts sting, but . . . .