If I were a ______, what would you be?

Next door.

If I were a venn diagram, what would you be?

A square.

If I were St. Peter at the Gate, what would you say?

Dunno. Hi?

If I were a sign that said "Free Coffee", what would you be?

A panhandler.

If I were a paradox, what would you be?

Confused

If I were closer than you think, you would be?

Confused.

If I were to ask you how far is "close, what would you say?

(I believe the correct way to phrase this Q"is: If I were to ask you how far is"close, what would you be?)

enigmatic

If I were poor and had only my dreams, you would be?

(I know, I'm experimenting with the rules - my bad{smack}).

I would wake you up.

If I were a Category 5 hurricane, what would you be?

(still experimenting with the rules, eh?)

a hurricane hunter

if I were an accident waiting to happen, you would be?

A match (or banana peel).

If I were a boring banker what would you be?

your most favourite money laundering client

if i were a magical mystery tour, you would be?

The Egg Man, and possibly the walrus too, Cu-koo-Ka-chu.

If I was Gandalf...?

The White Tree of Gondor

If I were pub with drinks on the house, what would you be?

Happy hour.

If I were the organ grinder, what would you be?

A gypsy dancer like La Esmeralda.

If I were a bride, what would you be?