If I were a ______, what would you be?

An undercover agent.

If I were a secret mission, what would you be?

Oops! lilimarlene is real fast. But I'll leave it as such.

I would be the detective to uncover it!

If I were the bone of contention what would you be?

A molar.

If I were a whimsical spirit haunting an old castle, what would you be?

A dribbling candle.

If I was Don Quixote, etc...?

Sancho, with a video camera.

If I were an old car, what would you be?

Your costly mechanic.

If I were a lager what would you be?

A packet of crisps.
If I was a dark and stormy night, you would be?

A cabin loaded with booze and stuff.

If I were a crashing wave what would you be?

I would be the one hanging on and riding the wave

If I was an enigma shrouded in a mystery, you would be?

A riddle wrapping the mysterious enigma.

Would you ask if your a rse "looks big in this"?

That's not an issue for me (big behind)but I would only ask those kind of questions to a girlfriend who would tell the truth.
If you weren't sure, would you ask someone was it good for you?;)

no some people are quiet.

If i were rich would you work or just be leisurely ( a very hypothetical)

(There are a lot of people that are quiet ,it's the one's that make all the noise that would be more suspect.But I think we are off the theme of "if I was....)

If I was further than your dreams could imagine, you would be?
(yes I would sign a prenup once my lawyer approved it but on some level I would be disappointed)

Curious.

If i were your next door neighbor, what would you be?