The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

OK here are the results everyone:
Pendragon: I enjoyed the questioned lines in this piece. it makes reading it very interesting and offers different prospective on this topic.
fave lines:
''If music be the tune of love
Why do I hear only discord?''
YesNo: your piece made laugh I liked the humour in it and the simplicity of its wording. it was almost comical clever :)
prendrelemick: I enjoyed this piece a lot. I liked the allegories on food and places. it was pretty cool. my fave lines are:
''But love has its own melodies
Of passion and romances,
It feeds on touch and smiles and hope,
And surreptitious glances''
Gilliatt: and what a journey your piece has offered. great pace and fun almost accumulating language. I liked it. and I agree Swedish meatballs and seared music makes for a magical combo haha :)
Melanie: a sweet and sour piece if I may say so. melodic but bordering on sadness. a well written piece. I enjoyed it.

but sadly there can only be ONE winner and that goes to prendrelemick, I simply could not resist the richness of your piece :D

Thank you very much Cacian. I wasn't expecting that.


As this is the comedy/pun thread here is a catch phrase of a famous (now dead) British comedian.


Shut that door.




(It's funny honestly - you had to be there. )

(That was a clever and enjoyable poem, prendrelemick!)

Knock Knock

unlatch
open
close
door swings
hinges creak

in
slam
out
slam
shoes that squeak

cat
in
dog
out
thud, thump, thwack

let's
settle
this
score
shut that door!

Silence, sleeping, secrets keeping,
Noise goes through the floor.
Bedsprings bounce and kids announce,
"At least they shut the door."

My mama yelled so many times
"Hey! Y'all shut that door!"
She always had laryngitis...

shut that door
will you
and store behind
the minutes of your core
you made a sore
about afore
it now it seems
you have no more
be done with roar
and close that door
once and for ore.

I think it's time


The winner is MELANIE, for that slice of real life.

Melanie congratulations!!

Thank you!! I had fun with it. I'll post a quote for everyone tomorrow.

Okay, there are many variations of this but I think Aristotle was the first.
one says "without a mixture of madness",
another says "without some touch of madness",
and another says "without a tincture of madness"

Use as is or change out words or turn it inside-out upside-down or whatever suits your fancy.
Here it is:

"There is no great genius without madness"

Maybe there is
No great genius without madness
But also there is
No great meanness without badness
And surely there is
No great Venus without gladness
And there is
No great Jesus without sadness

Pendragon

^Good one, Pendragon :)
I forgot to set the deadline so here it is below:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Melanie

Okay, there are many variations of this quote but I think Aristotle was the first.
One says "without a mixture of madness",
another says "without some touch of madness",
and another says "without a tincture of madness"

Use as is or change out words or turn it inside-out upside-down or whatever suits your fancy.
Here it is:

"There is no great genius without madness"

---

Deadline is October 16

may be they say
great genuis is without madness.
but I say
great thinker without
words
may take longer to
play first.
and so to a genius
plenty to
raise madness out
of place.
beware
it is quicker then air.

You can't have pleasure without pain,
Where there's muck there's money they say,
You can't have rainbows without rain,
And night's just the dark side of day.

There's no great genius without madness,
you must break an egg to make cake,
You don't know you're happy without sadness,
And fondling a cow makes a shake.

/SNIP/

*Deleted*

Sorry, I should have noticed there is a competition going on!

Please remove the post :)

A genius sees differently
And doesn't mind to say so.
And that's when all the trouble starts.
He runs his mouth. She shoots hers, too.
The neighbors don't know what to do,
"They're mad! They're not like me or you,
At least, I wouldn't say so."

Prendrelemick's last line was crazy-mad enough to make me laugh. I mean, really, who was the first great genius who was mad enough to look at a cow and say "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em?" (spoken by Bill Waterson). Pendragon, clever twists of the quote were great, and YesNo, I thought your title was perfect and follow-through too, and cacian, yours was excellent too. But the winner has to be:

OoooOOooOopReNdreLeMik!oOooOOoooO

Melanit thanks! and prendrelemick your piece is indeed a genius one haha :)

Thanks Melanie and cacian.

The next is an opening line from a childhood favourite of mine, from the great Hilaire Belloc .


Matilda told such Dreadful Lies.

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies
Blue the grass and green the skies
Cats that bark and dogs that purr
Scaly deer and lizards with fur
The Sun in the night, the Moon in the day
Real milk making up the Milky Way
I wonder about facts that she offers as truth
Matilda would rather lie than to tell the real truth

Pendragon
11/24/2013

We cannot stop to close our eyes
We'll work until the project's done
The till does hold much Red Bull, guys
Drink up and soon we'll see the sun

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies
that she woke us from our snooze.
She hasn’t said a truthful thing
since working for Fox News.

Matilda told such dreadful lies
We felt they must be true.
The evidence though did not fit.
Her logic: we made fun of it.
What else were we to do?

A Down Under Tale

Weary from his waltz, the swagman sat a spell,
by the trusty billabong his feet knew so well.
Famished from his trek, he put matilda down;
a ruddy tucker bag, sewn from his old bag’s gown.

Reaching in to grab a morsel, something was amiss.
The savory shape he groped for resulted in a hiss.
That venomous wife Matilda told such dreadful lies.
Inside she put an Adder, instead of boiled Billie pies!

Waltzing Matilda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwvazMc5EfE

deadline date?

This weekend I think.



(Ok I'd forgotten about it)

Come on cacian I'm waiting:toetap05:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Come on cacian I'm waiting:toetap05:

---

oops sorry I have just seen this haha ok let's see :)

here we go:

matilda told such dreadful lies
it was one minute sly
and the next polite
and every word was tried
under the moonlight and height
the meaning was blight
and the world thought it
was bright.
but not anymore
so sigh
truth to idle
is grite
but to light it's white
next time will sets right.

Thanks cacian, that's grite!

And so to judgement


Pen - The best poem, but not the funniest.
cacian - The funniest poem but not the best.
YesNo - I like the way you think.
Caladore - My sympathies.
Auntyshecky - To whom are you alluding? Probably would've had extra comical value if I knew. Probably would've won.
Gilliat gurgle - I know who your Matilda is - clever and funny, and THE WINNER!! You should be happier than a Swagman sitting by a Bilabong under a Coolibar Tree with a Jumbuck simmering in his Billie.

Well, I guess best poem counts for something, anyway... Congrats, Gilliat Gurgle !

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

...You should be happier than a Swagman sitting by a Bilabong under a Coolibar Tree with a Jumbuck simmering in his Billie.

---

or content as a Koala in a eucalyptus.

Thanks and thanks Pen!

I recently picked up a book of Tennyson's poems and made my first venture into it today starting with The Princess. After just a few pages, I'm finding a wealth of quotable lines for our next challenge.
Let's go with this one referring to the Prince and his two friends preparing to infiltrate the women only University:

"To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes"

I think GG has played the tease,
You can't make poems from words like these-
“To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes.”
Cos the only things that rhymes is prunes!
If only he'd change it to “maiden feathers.”
Then we could have "Heather's nethers”.
Or tethers with leathers
Or whatevers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I think GG has played the tease,
You can't make poems with words like these-
“To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes.”
Cos the only things that rhymes is prunes!
If only he'd change it to “maiden feathers.”
Then we could have "Heather's nethers”.
Or tethers with leathers
Or whatevers.

---

Holy Alfred Lord Tennyson! Who could follow that? Nonetheless, here goes


Their plan’s for disrobing
before we’ve barely supped.
So who is kidding whom
by lacing us all up?

Maidenheads for burning;
virtue lost in the flumes.
Sad that some poor ostrich
sacrificed his plumes.

We'll All Go to the Ball

We will wear our finest dresses
Carefully coiffure our lovely tresses
Have our servants in our rooms
To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes
We make our selected, scheduled entrance
Batting eyelids, preening, we advance
To fill each gentleman's heart with lustful joys:
At least until they find out that we're all boys

(C) November 22, 2013
Pendragon

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pendragon

We'll All Go to the Ball

We will wear our finest dresses
Carefully coiffure our lovely tresses
Have our servants in our rooms
To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes
We make our selected, scheduled entrance
Batting eyelids, preening, we advance
To fill each gentleman's heart with lustful joys:
At least until they find out that we're all boys

(C) November 22, 2013
Pendragon

---

These just keep getting better and better. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AuntShecky

These just keep getting better and better. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!

---

9



Yup, the standard is higher than a '69 Frisco hippy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AuntShecky

?.. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

9

---

Nonsense!, your work is quite...umm...how do the Deutsche put it? , ah yes... 6'y!

That university or nunnery
Where only women were allowed inside
Was where dear Ida hid herself from men.
My friends and I, we wanted in, and so
We laced ourselves till each in maiden plumes
Looked more like peacocks than a peahen would.
In fashions that were so last-year, we met
The guard who opened up the cloister's gate
Informing Ida, after we were in,
That men deserving of her fun tonight
Had just arrived whom no one needs to pay.
Then Ida smiled, prepared the blindfolds, ropes,
And welcomed us like sisters coming home.
She had a special treat for us in mind
And we had one for her, we thought, until
Sweet Ida lost control. We screamed for help,
But spent that night with Ida terrified
Until her wearied demon went to sleep.
One of the ladies living with her there
Untied us when the sun rose through the trees
As we gave up all hope of such release,
While Ida was kept busy with her prayers.

to lace us up till each
in maiden plumes,
could be anything but
groom
a bonnet combed
a corset to bewitch the tunes
the makeup slightly gloomed
to match up the room
and midnight is lit up in fumes.
a gentleman soon finds out
it is a goon
underneath those lunes,
and a lady
awaits till daylight resumes
to fetch up her roon.
plumes inebriate the coon
to them birds prune.

Bump.
I forgot to add a deadline.
One more week with results next Saturday.