Lymerick

"Now, I'd lay down my life for one's honor",
said the knight in his shining armor.
But he scratched his head,
"Methinks I'm misled,
"She can't be a teen with those knockers".

Now that he had the girl, he wasn't sure what to do
He stared at her gazongas and turned a bright-red hue
The damsel smiled sweetly
The knight went weak-kneed
He found the dog and said, Miss, I and Bill must bid you adieu

The damsel sat wondering why
The good knight didn't give her a try.
Do voluptuous curves
Undermine knightly nerves?
Where's that dragon when men say goodbye?

The dragon resorted to drinkin'
Some grog from his flagon I'm thinkin'
While cruisin' the sea
on "The Honalee"
But cruise ships are known for their sinkin'

The cruise, till it sank, did some good
And the grog helped the way that grog should.
Karaoke was playing.
The dragon was swaying.
The moon did whatever it could.

But Pirates saved the ship and it's crew
Not what Pirates are oft' known to do
But they'd heard of some booty
And I don't mean the nudie
From the french nudist tour group, LaRue.

There was plenty of booty aboard
Including the kind one can hoard.
With the ship saved from sinking
The grog's saved for drinking.
The showgirls? A giggly reward.

The damsel was distraught there was no consoling
The dragon was out at sea pitching and rolling
Odd end to a story
Hardly an allegory
Bill the dog and the knight just up and went bowling

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sancho

...Odd end to a story
Hardly an allegory
Bill the dog and the knight just up and went bowling

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You said Bill and the knight bid adieu
to the damsel in post 202
Then she asked #203
where do dragons flee
so on the sea the story ensued.

I thought you were trying to end the dog and knight part with "adieu". I apologize if I misunderstood.
I'll sit back and just watch for now as I don't want to ruin the fun flow that was going on. Hardly an allegory?
:wave:

(^good one, Melanie)

Awe shucks there's no plot we've agreed on
Ain't gotta be no rhyme nor reason
We're on a run
Just having fun
However not to rhyme would be treason

*I just thought it'd be funny for a dog named Bill and a chivalric knight in a full suit of shiny armor to go and spend an evening together at a Bowling Alley.

It seems Bill and his knight have gone bowling.
The dragon with pirates is strolling.
The damsel, I'm sure,
Is acceptably pure
But would welcome some manly consoling.

Along came a musical young broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
What has fate brought
The damsel thought
He can't much sing, but I wonder if he'll dance

Shiny knights, horny dragons have had
Their chance with the damsel: "They're bad!"
She now eyes a young buck
With a big, rusty truck
And the thought of him's making her glad.

So the great grandson of Gen'ral Robert E. Lee
Put hand to heart and got down on one knee
Belle of the Confederacy
Become one with me
Here on the Battle of Gettysburg's 150th anniversary

The damsel said, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Oh, my life has been such a mad mess
With that dragon and knight.
They both gave me a fright.
All I need is a pretty white dress."

Then you'll have a wedding dress fit for a queen
Ah do declare you are mah Sweet Mabellene
A white hoop-skirt and bonnet
With a butternut sash on it
For that sort of gown I'll just call Paula Dean

The damsel likes chicken a lot.
Breasts and thighs are the best when they're hot.
Paula Deen's mouth might run,
But the damsel wants fun
With a man like the one she has got.

Pitching woo beneath the shade of a magnolia tree
Flirting and giggling and sipping sugary sweet tea
But trouble's ahead
The lad was misled
You see, her great-grandfather had led the march to the sea

I've been following along and noticed you lymericists were talking about chicken.
Here's a clip from one of Gilliatt's favorite movies; Faster Pussycat Kill Kill.
Feel free to watch the entire video, you'll be glad you did, or jump ahead to the juicy chicken related part from 1:23 to 1:35...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQr8CC0jiIU

You'll also find a lot of great one liner double entendre.
By Jove, I'm going to replace Happy Gilmore with this^ movie on the deserted island thread.

Enjoy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQr8CC0jiIU

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This is definitely something Tarantino should consider remaking so he can get back to his Kill Bill heights. I think I'll change "legs and thighs" to "breasts and thighs" because of this.

The damsel thought she came from France
Like that dragon and knight. There's no chance
She will ever be wed
And get bounced on a bed
By this guy who won't give her a glance.

Said the lad, you and I have no chance
Said the lady, but I am from France
Yankee trickster
Southern hickster
Thus a union was formed via angry romance



(Many Southerners still have very peculiar attitudes about that war)

Our couple have had their first fight
And it looks like they've had a wild night
Making up until dawn.
Let her rebel dream on
While his yankee belle beams with delight.

Their bonds of affection were strained but not their desire
The two young lover's passion raged like a house afire
Refusing to fight
On a hot summer night
The better angels of their nature demanded a permanent ceasefire

The good damsel confessed that her first
Was a handsome young knight, but she's cursed
With unbearable dreams
Of a dragon. She screams!
She's just saying he wasn't her worst.

Oh Maybellene, why caint you be true, woo-woo
Why is it you do the things you do, who-who
The knight was a gent
But bowling he went
And your eyes still sparkle like the dew, ewe-ewe

(Meanwhile the young maiden placed an index finger into each ear canal, and grinned a sly grin at the young troubadour. "What say we dance, Johnny Reb.")

"Let's go dancing!" our sweet damsel said
To her jealous and sad Johnny Reb.
"Shall we square dance or boogie?
Some southern-style woogie?"
Save the last dance. That's best done in bed.

Way on down south in Texas at the Fiesta Flambeau
She was shaking her money-maker to a jazz combo
San Antonio
By the Alamo
Later by pale moonlight they danced the Horizontal Mambo

The parade with its lights has passed through.
Now the damsel wants something to do.
There's "Fiesta Flambeau"
But don't search "Alamo":
Santa Anna's her ancestor, too.

Por fin, mi pequeño chile jalapeño, estamos bailando
Si hay una cosa en mi familia tengo entendido
Mi viejo abuelo
No estaba loco
Le gustaba decir, "A Dios rogando y con el mazo dando"

(Maybe that was Pancho Villa)

When Pancho breathed, "Guapa," the cry
From the damsel made Johnny ask why
She yelled, "Guapo to you!"
Like a feisty, hot shrew,
Like some nutty, but sweet pecan pie.

There once was an hombre called Pancho
In old Mexico he was some kind of honcho
Generalissimo
Huge mustachio
By the way this has been a limerick by El Sancho



http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/a...psb07dd8ce.jpg

Don't mess with my TootToot
Don't mess with my TootToot
You can have the other woman
But don't mess with my TootToot

I'm gonna steal away your Toot-Toot
I'll impress her with my Zoot-Suit
Riding tandem on my Vespa
A mechanical monsta'
With a tail pipe that goes Poot-Poot

"Pues, lo hablo bastante bien*
Especially when I'm with men
Who call me 'bonita',
Their 'chiqititita'.
Just guess what they want from me then."

* Gracias to Google Translate

Inquired Pancho, "¿Jew hab a real man lately?"
Replied the damsel, "Yes, wait No, hmm Maybe."
"¡Santo dios!"
"Antes de adios"
"What is the latest on the royal baby?"

The royal baby is pink and quite small
His hobbies are eat, sleep, and bawl
He's ranked third from the top
Past the Ears and his pop
And his first goal is learn how to crawl

George Alex first opened his eyes feeling happy
Primogeniture means he'll succeed his pappy
Heir to the throne
After he's grown
But first what to do 'bout that stuff in his nappy?

Some limericks popped in my head
While Melissa was waiting in bed.
They were nasty and rude
And delightfully crude.
Now Melissa has left me for Fred.

Bah-haha-HAH

Okay, okay, okay:

There once was a dude named Mahmoud
Who was downright rude, crude, and lewd
His gal was a prude
And she copped a 'tude
When she viewed Mahmoud in the nude


Okay, one more:

There was a young lady from Tibet
Who late at night surfed the Litnet
Then things went awry
She said Me-oh-my
I must have misplaced my diskette

Okay, okay, okay, one more.
I think it's about field artillery

There once was a chap from Iraq
Who had a tremendous ball sack
The left ball went first
The right nearly burst
Two blocks away something went splat

(He's probably a friend of Mahmoud's)