The Simpsons Quoting Thread

OMG, those are great! :D I l-o-v-e that John Waters one.

MARGE: Homer, you're not thinking of giving up your faith??
HOMER: No-o, no, no, no, no, no, no.... Well, yes.

HOMER: Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked" guy. He had long hair and some crazy ideas and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forgot. But the point is... I forgot that too. Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car.

BART: Why do you need church shoes? Jesus wore sandals.
HOMER: Well, maybe if he had had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him.

I remembered of one...when Homer is a body guard and learns how to get people to sleep by touching them on the neck... After he puts the whole family to sleep he looks around and goes "Still half an hour to dinner time"...and puts himslef to sleep that way :D:D:D

haha this thread is great. I have not many opportunities, to be honest, I have none opportunity to watch it, PITY :( but I used to watch them in past and I still read some quotes of them... :) thanks for keeping me informed. I know that you heard of these, just to remind them:

Homer:
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'



:banana:

Hehehe :D

HOMER: Everytime I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed out. Like remember that time I took a wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
MARGE: You were drunk.
HOMER: And how.

LISA: But Dad, don't you think--
HOMER: Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Like that rainforest scare a few years back. Our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
LISA: No, Dad, I don't think--
HOMER: There's that word again!

Otto: [Stares at the his hands] "You know they call 'em fingers but I never see them fing. Oh, there they go."

Homer: Lack beer of and T.V make homer something something.
Marge: Crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if i do. [Goes crazy, duh]

hehe :lol:
like the one about driving and wine :)

Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart: You com'ere a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?

Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!

Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon. The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all.

:banana:

LMAO :D I like it.

More Homer:

"As the Bible says, 'Screw that!'"

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."

*echoing memory of Flanders in ski suit* "Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...nothing at all...NOTHING AT ALL..."
HOMER: Damn sexy Flanders!

MARGE: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
HOMER: Pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

haha, when talking of alcohol....

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

:banana:

:lol: I love that Four-day Weekend one.

Surprised no-one mentioned this one yet:

Jimbo (to Nelson):"Dude, you just kissed a girl. That is so gay."

*laughing histerically*

HOMER VS. DIGNITY -- This was on last night. Sorry for the length, but I think this is one of the longest sequences of funny lines in Simpsons history:

[edit] (useful bit of info) *Mr. Burns stands before a vending machine.*
BURNS: *with childlike innocence* Ah, a candy shop! I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee. Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly; I'm hungry now!
*long pause*
You've made a powerful enemy, today.
*goes into cafeteria*
What's this? There's some kind of invisible force field around these vegetables.
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff.
BURNS: Ah, everything's so green and alive! *green veggie shrivels in his hand*
HOMER: Uhm... Mr. Burns, I was wondering if I could get a raise.
BURNS: *straightening up* What kind of a raise?
HOMER: Whopping?
BURNS: I see. You have thirty seconds to wow me.
HOMER: Well, you see sir, I've worked here a long time, and my wife has a game leg, and my kids have game things as well...
BURNS: I don't want to hear your whining! I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf!
HOMER: A larf? Okay... let's see, what's in the news today...
BURNS: Oh, for the love of... *picks up pudding* Hurl this... at that.
HOMER: At Lenny? But he's a war hero.
BURNS: Well, let's decorate him, then.
HOMER: No!
BURNS: Not even for... FOUR DOLLARS?
*Homer throws pudding*
LENNY: Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it.
BURNS: *laughing* That was capital! My lung is aching. Do it again. I'll make it an even eight...
HOMER: You're the boss.
LENNY: Ow! I'm in Hell!
BURNS: Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson? Let's say I make you my Executive in Charge of Recreation... no, no, better yet: my Prank Monkey!
HOMER: Will you keep giving me money?
BURNS: I can't have my little monkey running around in rags.
HOMER: Woohoo! *throws a cup of pudding at Carl*
BURNS: What are you DOING, man? That's Carl! *to Carl* Here, let me help you.
*takes Carl to eyewash station and glares back at Homer*

Other lines from the episode...

MARGE: When did this happen? When did we become the bottom rung of society?
HOMER: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.

COMIC BOOK GUY: *eating many boxes of Peeps* If only the real chicks went down this easy.

BURNS: You're so much more fun than Smithers. Why, he doesn't even know the meaning of the word "gay."

*Lisa stands next to a parody of a 1930's urchin boy at the Thanksgiving Parade*
BOY: Hey, Lady. Santa Claus is going to be here, right? He just has to.
LISA: Something tells me he is. *pats him on the shoulder*
BOY: Don't touch me! Nothing gives you that right!

Costington's sign: "Over a hundred years without a slogan."

Quote:

---

MARGE: When did this happen? When did we become the bottom rung of society?
HOMER: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.

COMIC BOOK GUY: *eating many boxes of Peeps* If only the real chicks went down this easy.

---

:D :D love 'em.

"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
-Homer

"less artsy, more fartsy!!"
-Homer